Here’s a subject that always ruffles feathers. I have one daughter who I love and care for. However, she was an oops baby (my brother and dad’s fault – long story). She was taken from my life for a long period and my next partner and I decided to not have any children (she was alcoholic and it ran in the family and she did not want to take a chance of passing on this disease on another and I never had the procreating bug) and we joined this group. Lots and lots of stories and we became aware of how family and society push people, overtly and covertly to have kids. Also, a study was made and it was found having kids actually worsened relationships.
Like most everything else in my life - filled with all the stuff I did not want or want to do - in order.
I have two children by my first husband and they were both planned. I think part of that was because it was just what people did after they got married. My first marriage was only six years and when I remarried I wanted to have another child with the man I was so in love with. He had two children by his first marriage and was wise enough to say we have enough on our plate now. Hindsight tells me, if you want children be very careful who you have them with..
I had mine, both ‘accidents’, but not unwanted. That was 81 and 82. They’re here, and I love them.
Both have chosen not to have children, and I’m fine with it. It’s their choice and with climate change: I’m glad enough not to see more kids left to deal with it.
If I were to make the decision now, I would not have children.
I was once told, by a friend's father, that since I was an intelligent, educated woman, that I had a moral obligation to have children.
At that time I was in my 20s, and I had no interest in becoming a parent.
Roughly, a decade later, I was trying to have children.
It didn't happen. Turns out, I never could all along.
Now, I'm glad things happened the way they did, or didn't, depending on your perspective.
I have nieces and nephews. That is more than enough.
I think it's wrong to try to guilt, or otherwise coerce, people into having children,
for ANY reason.
There are already too many people on this rock.
Far too many idiots, who have NO business even being near children, are
procreating as it is.
I have a son from a previous marriage, and a 9 year old from my current marriage. I love them both very much. They are very precious to me. I can't imagine my life without them in it. We spend gobs of time together. When my oldest was little, we hiked every peak in NH and ME including Mt Washington and Katahdin. I'm planning to do the same with my youngest son when he's ready. We do a lot of other stuff together such as bike riding, swimming, exploring, traveling. They're good kids.
I'm so mixed on this for several reasons. One, I believe that the majority of people choosing not to have children are the ones intelligent enough to raise them properly. We desperately need intelligent people to have more children, not fewer.
Second, I was in the "I don't want kids, will never have kids" boat up until the day I had a kid. I would never dream of forcing people to have them, but I do feel like there are at least some people, like me, who would feel that way up until the child is born. I couldn't go back, it's such an awesome clusterfuck of randomness, happiness, tears, joy and pain. I don't think I could go back to not having it.
At the same time, I do miss the freedom of not having kids sometimes. So I can see both sides. It is a massive commitment.
For me personally kids have totally enriched my life. My kids are amazing adults now. One of my kids doesn't want to have kids. She has never wanted kids. She is the most amazing auntie, she dotes on her niece and nephew, but loves to send them home as well. I don't think kids changed my relationship with my ex, but it did extend the relationship. I'd have left him long before except for the kids.
In the 44 years of my relationship, I have not once regretted not having children...one argument I heard a lot was that you needed someone to care for you when you got older...this is not a reality...many kids have their own families and no financial way to care for you...who is going to quit their job in their prime? It is not a good reason to have kids...
Don't let outside pressure affect you...I think both people in the relationship must want to have kids above anything else: jobs, relationship, etc. They will be in your life forever...I watch as my friends are now consumed with grandchildren and great grandchildren...I am not knocking it...they love it...but they acknowledge it is their lives...and it is not a lifestyle I want...
I never wanted any....they seemed like they would just interfere with my career and my goals...and they were a time/money/energy suck for everyone I knew that had them.
I'm 52 and have never regretted my choice.
7.6 Billion humans on a dying planet.....if you bring another human onto the planet, you are, in all honestly, responsible not only for any pain/suffering they experience....but also for their carbon footprint.
It just seems like extreme selfishness and vanity to breed more humans.