My mother in law, very strict catholic gave her blessing to me divorcing her daughter and keeping the kids. She stood by me in the same way that my own family never has. Kids and I still miss her.

Immediate has confirmed my hopes. extended has done little to influence me

My family neglected my emotional needs and were emotionally, spiritually and occasionally physically abusive. My dad and step-dad were both alcoholics and my mother a narcissist, so...there was that.

But from the time I was 16 or so, I was a smart-mouth and a fighter and I didn't tolerate abuse of any kind towards me or my siblings, and I didn't put up with it much and constantly fought back against that abuse.

This was both good and not good. It was good in that my strength and my intelligence helped me to break away from the family and set me on a great career path (until I had kids, at least). Not good because I didn't understand anything about the "compulsion to repeat" trauma.

I ended up marrying someone who ended up having a bit of a binge drinking problem. Because of the family I grew up in, I wasn't able to recognize the signs of dysfunctional behavior until he had his last suicidal gesture with a gun that left me with a few months of PTSD. His problems were unlike my dad and step-dad's. He wasn't a daily drinker and usually didn't get violent. He would drink too much only about 3-4 times a year, puke and then black out or get really super sad and call himself a loser and why did I love him he was just an asshole...etc.

My family was Catholic, his was Christian. Neither side believed my ex had that big of a problem. Even when he got a DUI, his mother was astonished and ended up "poor-babying" him. And not even when he threatened suicide with a gun in front of me.

I was in my early 40s when I started losing my shit, alternately feeling trapped and alternately angry and melancholy and knew I needed help.

I met someone online who told me about Alice Miller's work on childhood emotional abuse and we read and discussed her work at length. I went to several therapists until I found one I liked, and attended al-anon and ACA meetings for a year, learned to meditate, got divorced, got back into the job force, re-built my life, and am pretty amazed at the journey my life has taken.

But I have healthy boundaries, I have a new partner who doesn't drink and is kind, I am beginning to be financially stable again (having just obtained a fantastic new job a couple of weeks ago), and pretty glad I found this place because I love writing my thoughts out.

The family thinks I made a mistake in leaving the church and my husband, but it's been the best thing for me.

We're very much shaped by the people around us, from infancy to death.

genetically, lovingly, curiously, confusedly, family.

Everyone with whom we've interacted in our lives has influenced us, whether we noticed it or not.

My father was a depressed, suicidal man who only came out of his room to go to work and eat. My mother was an emotionally abusive bully who preferred my brothers over my sister and I. I was constantly told that I was fat, stupid, crybaby, and will never amount to anything. Even though my father had a Phd in Chemistry and was a University professor, he would constantly deride my choice of professions and never encouraged any of his five children to strive to be better than they were.

I'm still affected by this, and I'm almost 60.

My dad, as religious as he is, always supported me. I learned carpentey, honor, compassion, respect and countless other priceless skills from him.

To some, I serve as an example of what not to do

My mother was diabetic and the disease made her a mean person who needed help that she never received. I learned to avoid her and to work around her whims and this taught me many different skills that I would have never learned otherwise. This helped me a great deal during my employment and working for people who I dispised. It was very difficult growing up but I managed to make the best of it as a result. As a result I was determined never to be a parent like my family. We had the catholic education and all the rules along with it plus an extended family that was almost a sect by itself 10 aunts and uncles with so many cousins I never knew their names. Everyone was always praying or going to church for someone or for something. The religion they ushered upon the family was overbearing. This was very difficult for me because I was already doubting the faith. The end result for me was that I became very liberal shunning the strict rules and organization the church presented.