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How did I get put in the friend zone ?

So this is out of my range of expertise, and what better place to ask for relationship advice than from a group of singles . Here's the story, I met this girl back in mid December we had great conversation , non-judgemental a good mother to her children and possibly to mine and I find her attractive. Pretty much checked all the boxes I'm looking for. We went out the next night after meeting on a date and had great sex, and we continued dating till Valentine's day. The problem is she isn't ready for a relationship and that's what I want from her. Normally I'd just leave it in the past but this chick is very adamant in the fact we remain friends . And it's really messing with me because I've been placed in the friend zone even though I still like her. I have tried to get past her with casual sex. I think the real reason I keep talking to her is because I think I can get out of the friend zone. Help me out guys/girls . What should I do?

Buckner 4 Feb 28
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39 comments (26 - 39)

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1

Stay with the friend zone.

But don't hold your breath.

You can, of course, check out whether she really only wants to stay just friends by dating someone else - but don't brag about it, casually mention it in conversation. If she is happy for you, then I'm afraid you are stuck in the friendship zone.

Any other reaction, you'll need to play by ear.

Good luck.

Not sure I understand.
As I read the post he would normally have accepted the rejection and moved on and she wanted to stay friends.
It is possible to have friends of the opposite sex that you have previously had a sexual relationship with - my ex was best man at my wedding - hence my initial comment, stay with the friend zone. Just because you would like a sexual relationship doesn't mean you should. I see no deceit in the relationship they have both been clear about their intentions.

What are the lies he is telling?

0

Several questions come to mind but will offer thoughts.
First is dating other guys?
She may feel that you are moving to fast and backed away in panic. Not judging and I may be old fashion. Meeting for date one night, sex the next night, move to I think she might be the one in between and then friend zone two months later is moving fast.
The other alarming thing I read "I tried to get past her with casual sex". If I understand that sentence correctly, you mean you're having casual sex with others to get over being put in the friend zone. It is April, that's less than two months from Valentine's day. You are the age if my daughter, so I say this from my loving father side, that is unhealthy.
Help me out here Hemingwaykitten.

0

Several questions come to mind but will offer thoughts.
First is dating other guys?
She may feel that you are moving to fast and backed away in panic. Not judging and I may be old fashion. Meeting for date one night, sex the next night, move to I think she might be the one in between and then friend zone two months later is moving fast.
The other alarming thing I read "I tried to get past her with casual sex". If I understand that sentence correctly, you mean you're having casual sex with others to get over being put in the friend zone. It is April, that's less than two months from Valentine's day. You are the age if my daughter, so I say this from my loving father side, that is unhealthy.
Help me out here Hemingwaykitten.

0

You can't get out. Either you accept it and put up with it, or you move along. Forcing the issue will cause conflict eventually. Sometimes, you don't get what you want.

0

Pressuring her is counter-productive. You'll end up out of the friend zone alright, but in the wrong direction.

If she isn't ready for a relationship, that sounds like there is a possibility in the future. I expect that you have asked about her reasons. Believe her when she tells you her reasons, if she does. There may be a timeline, like "not until my kids are grown." If you would prefer fwb until then and are willing to accept that even at that point, she may decide she isn't interested or just that the two of you turn out to be incompatable in that way - do that. If you can't wait, or waiting tests your patience, or anything like that - move on while leaving the possibility of a later connection if you both happen to be unattached and interested at some point in the future. Or if that would be uncofortable to you, bid her a fond farewell and move on.

You got friend-zoned because somehow, you freaked her out. I'm betting that you were looking for an advance in status on Valentine's Day. For future reference, the best way to handle that is to accept that, say that you're sorry if you made her uncomfortable, and express that you'd be happy with just dating (if that's true). But you said she was adamant, which means that you didn't take no for an answer right away, which is a red flag. If anybody doesn't respect another person's boundaries, especially in a romantic-type, or even friend-type, relationship, that's anywhere from major points off to a dealbreaker, depending on the exact circumstances.

Sounds like you made it through without it being a complete deal-breaker, but that you "have tried to get past her with casual sex" kind of puts you in the creep zone (please try to accept this as blunt but constructive criticism because I am trying to show youhow to be a better person). Using sex for manipulation is pretty low and self-centered. Love includes wanting to meet the needs and desires of the other person. There is a selfish form of "love" that feels amazing to the person expeiencing it, but it's closer to "I must have this person" than "I want to be there for this person, and if this person wants to be there for me too, then we could have a great relationship." Just intellectually changing the narrative won't work either, even if you basically convince yourself that's how it really is. It has to be the real feeling from both of you, or the relationship will turn sour.

If you can't put her needs and desires above your position that you want some kind of a commitment out of her asap, then for the good of both of you, accept that you don't really love her in a healthy way and let her go. You then have two options for a future relationship: find someone who you want to put their needs above your desires, and around half of the time you'd be happy to put their desires above your desirs, and try to build a relationship from there - or find someone else who also puts themselves first, and your desires just happen to mesh well enough that the relationship could work out.

0

'Not being ready for a relationship' is the best 'escape route' known to man (or woman). I"ve used it myself. The truth could be something closer to it just wasn't clicking for her for some unknown reason. That's a much harder explanation to make because its personal. Carry on.

0

Are you sure single people are the best ones to take relationship advice from?

...not everyone on this site is single. Not everyone on this site looks for a date.

@Blizzard True enough. It was in response to, "what better place to ask for relationship advice than from a group of singles"....hmmmm. Now that I think of it, Buckner was probably being sarcastic.

@Rudy1962 hindsight, eh? lol, I did not even catch that part. shame on me

0

In the words o f my favorite modern philosopher, Roseann Roseanna Danna, "it,s always something" really though you would be wise to walk away from the situation ....good luck

0

There is no escaping 'THE FRIEND ZONE!'.

0

Back off! Date someone else, and if she changes her mind, she'll let you know.

To me, the ONLY fun of a new relationship if the courting stage..dating, hikes, movies, walks under the stars, snuggling to watch movies while you give each other foot rubs, etc. Once the man starts demanding more, I'm already edging toward the exit.

No, I don't want to have sex with you. Ew.
Who knows what you've done with whom, and what STDs you secretly carry.

And I don't want to commit to you either. Ew.
Who knows how control freak you might become, demanding to know where I am every minute and trying to push my friends away.

If men could be cool about it, though, I might hang with them long enough to develop feelings for them, as long as they continue being playful, fun, upbeat, and don't act NEEDY.

0

Friend zone is quicksand,
she likes you, but is looking for more.
You like her more than she likes you.

0

A friend zone shows you roads to all sorts of places. And you have a built in co-pilot.

0

Leave. Nothing like a wake up call.

0

If your a friend its over. if someone really wants to do something. they do. she may well like you but that's all but that's just my opinion. she wanted some sex and you want something else so really what would you expect? it's not like you can untell her you want more and why would you?

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