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QUESTION *”Helping those around you deal with a crisis”* suicide

It seems when it rains it pours. A recent headline article in our local newspaper got me going and I wrote a long reply.

Some of us on this site are interested in this issue and want a conversation. Perhaps we should start a group because this will eventually affect many of us. I can send my letter if anyone wants.

Looking into another issue I discovered an NPR story related to that about ones choices of death. The topic addressed one I mentioned in my letter. This issue has affected myself and others as well. A recent situation gave me an added insight and pushed me to get more involved. [npr.org]

JackPedigo 9 Feb 28
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An older gentleman I spent 13 years with and loved, had a stroke and was incapacitated. He begged me to help him "end this goddamned life". I agreed to help and told him, thru my tears, that I would want someone to help me. A few weeks later I had a plan and a potion, even though I was having a nervous breakdown worrying about possible consequences. The time came and I couldn't do it. He screamed at me that I had ruined everything. Those were his last words to me. I was more than crushed. He died 5 months later. It still eats at me that I couldn't help him for fear of spending my life in a freaking prison, which would, in turn, make me want to kill myself.

Google "In the United States there are assisted dying laws restricted to terminally ill and mentally competent adults in Oregon, Montana, Washington, Vermont, California, Colorado and Washington D.C. Oregon was the first United States state to legalize assisted suicide, which was achieved through popular vote.".

I am very sorry for what you went thru. The Hemlock Society also deals with these issues. I don't always agree with them - but at least they are trying to get laws made and information out there.

I'm pretty sure I've assisted in two deaths.
When nurses or hospice starts telling you that you can push the pain pump button? It seems to be a way to hasten the death of someone suffering. (often no longer even aware).

Years ago, while living in Germany, a friend of my then partner had an uncle working for NASA had an assignment in Germany. He was older and his wife seriously incapacitated and confined to a wheel chair. He did everything for her. After returning to the states (Huntsville) we got word that she had shot herself. We all knew she had no ability to find his gun much less the energy to use it. We all strongly suspected he did it for her!

My main point is why should people be subjected to the serious trauma connected with a death of this nature when there are so many easier and non-shocking ways?

@RavenCT. Thank you Raven. He was the most brilliant man I've ever known. I miss him.

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I am including my original letter. I received a response right away. Here is the original letter. I did shorten it but, hopefully this will be a start. It will be interesting to see responses from the community.

The Feb., 27th 2018: Headline “Helping those around you Deal with a crises” missed a critical discussion. I find this is another example of a complex issue being shaped by simple ideas. It obfuscated how one deals with terminating one’s life in a dignified and low impact manner. When choices are withheld people resort to any means at hand which often becomes traumatic for everyone! Choices are almost non-existent for those facing a life of suffering and misery. It is said 2/3 of those wishing to end their lives, usually due to a serious, debilitating illness, are persuaded not to by loved ones. This only prolongs the inevitable end and the accompanying suffering for all involved including the society that eventually has to use finite and dwindling resources. This becomes a draining situation for all. One major resource ignored is the financial burden needed to sustain one’s life and that burden becomes egregious when the suffering is what is extended. To spend often exorbitant costs to extend another’s suffering, especially when it is for one’s own desires, is just plain wrong.

For the mental health interventions mentioned I ask is who is going to pay for this? Our mental health budget has become almost non-existent. Who pays when people, with mental health issue problems come from other countries and who can’t speak the language of the host country? Again, complex questions.

True, our state is one of only five states that have a Death with Dignity program which is unconscionable for the other states. It also does not go far enough. The Netherlands have an enhanced version of DwDignity and a further conversation needs to be had here. The older generation is exploding and more resources will be needed and more suffering will happen unless we come up with more choice options.

The inclusion of PeaceHealth hospital only exacerbates the problem. When religion intrudes on a state it imposes its own brand of morality. This excludes the huge and growing number of those who do subscribe to a religion and even undercuts our secular Constitution and form of society.
To say that euthanasia programs are unnatural and goes against a gods plan, while at the same time, using all 21st century means to extend a life is pure hypocrisy. If one believes suffering is a part of a gods plan, I say, let them. For the rest of us we need more, humane choices (we use the word "humane" when putting suffering animals down but forget the concept when allowing one a choice in ending their own life). Absent those choices the only alternative is a shocking, unmanaged and costly suicide. We must not kid ourselves, the situation will only get worse absent additional solutions.

We talk a lot about resiliency. Do our present lack of policies helping the terminally ill deal with their own lives add to or subtract from our social resiliency? We need a more inclusive and honest discussion on this issue. We need a discussion that is absent from superstition and myth and someone else’s wants. Peace and empathy are not achieved by extending other’s sufferings and lack of choices in what’s important in their lives and deaths!

Hello Jack,

I agree Death With Dignity is a whole separate matter that we should have included in the article. Colleen and I are happy to run your email as a guest column in the Weekly and the Sounder, but I would suggest trying to narrow it down to 350 words so that Cali will run it in the Journal as well. What you are saying is important and I would like for us to be able to give you a platform to talk from in all three papers.

Thank you,

Mandi Johnson
Reporter/Graphic Artist
Islands' Weekly Editor
My pleasure, Jack. I wrote an article in college about being pro-death with dignity.

I hadn't realized PeaceHealth would not participate in it. I looked into it and it's not surprising seeing that they're connected to the Catholic church.

Thanks for reaching out to us and being willing to shorten your letter!

@VictoriaNotes Victoria, Thank you for your encouraging compliment. It means a lot to me. I received a note from the editor and she will publish my letter and include the NPR link. One of the neat things about the ferry is, it often becomes a place to socialize. I met another couple last evening and we talked about this subject. They totally agree and feel the community needs to have a conversation.

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Big Pharm kickbacks motivate US doctors to keep prescribing dangerous synthetic drugs, while they block and ridicule natural solutions such as CBD oil and cannabis oil, because people can grow their own.

I know from personal experience that it stops depression. A few drops of iodine in water stops paranoia reactions if someone takes too much

[ncbi.nlm.nih.gov]

[cannabis-med.org]

Your inclusion of cannabis is interesting. This island tries to cover all the bases and we have a woman who has a medicinal marijuana business "Lost Art Apothecary". She is friend and I will ask her about this.

My concern is that this goes beyond simply depression.

@JackPedigo Doesn't matter..cannabis seems to cure most things. I took high THC cannabis oil for cancer, but CBD oil is reported to do well for depression also.

A Dispensary told me that chewing black peppercorns will also bring paranoia down.

Frankly between the iodine and the black pepper - blah! 😉

@RavenCT Luckily, you can't taste the iodine drops, even in water.

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I'd like to read, see, participate perhaps... Please share. Never know who might benefit.

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