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How'd "just being yourself" work out for you?

I had a treasure trove of friends until I started "being myself." We like to say being yourself is a good thing but in my case, not so much. I tried be an extrovert but it just tired me out. People disliked me from thinking outside of what was expected, or thinking for myself instead of have a herd mentality. People don't seem to like too much difference in other people. This is something I noticed. Mostly just got backfire.

AustinSkepticus 7 Mar 5
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26 comments

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7

You need new friends. There’s a saying... “those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.”

Wise words.

4

Are you happy with you?..if yes, then they were never your friends.

3

Pretty well, actually. In fact I'm way happier now when I'm not afraid to speak my mind. All the wrong people dissipate, all the right ones stick around

3

Why would you want to associate with people who don't accept you for who you are? If you want fuck yourself up keep trying to be someone you are not.

3

Well, I don’t have a lot of friends because of it but that’s okay. Trying to be someone I’m not so I can have ‘friends’ isn’t worth it.

Iffy Level 5 Mar 5, 2018

If someone is your friend because you're being something you're not, they're not really your friend.

2

Then you are hanging around the wrong people. There is intrinsic value in being your "authentic self". It shouldn't have to be such an effort to be who you are. It can be a daunting process, but you'll be happier with yourself in the long run. Besides, isn't it terribly exhausting putting on a false personna all the time?

2

Need more context to reply with any real wisdom, but perhaps your friends were shallow?

2

It works great. I can be an asshole anytime I want or be nice to whoever I choose. I don't hang with the herd. I don't care if people don't like me. If you want to be a nobody, hang with the crowd.

SamL Level 7 Mar 5, 2018
2

Well, I don’t have a lot of friends because of it but that’s okay. Trying to be someone I’m not so I can have ‘friends’ isn’t worth it.

Iffy Level 5 Mar 5, 2018
2

When I stopped trying to copy females and just accepted that I'm a partial transmale I felt much better. Not that I would have changed anything about my behavior, or even could, but at least I stopped consciously trying to do so, whenever it occurred to me.

1

Being yourself, an authentic you, must be the toughest thing in the world. But, in general, it's the only thing that's worthwhile. If you take the path of conformity (tedium, safety), your life is incomplete. If you take the path to a more authentic you, you will develop your sense of self. Funny thing is, I think the longer you stay that course, (checking in with your own values and beliefs over others'😉 the more compassionate YOU become. I hope you will be true to yourself, Austen. Life's richer when you walk away from other peoples' bullshit and sort through your own.
One more thing: to me, just being yourself doesn't mean that you have to share your thoughts and opinions. Sometimes just being yourself means you follow your own inner compass and when it's appropriate, you share. Hope this helps.

1

I could tell you, but I haven't liked the results when I "was myself" in other ways, so...

Number one peeve: everyone always says "be yourself"--until the vocabulary of your spontaneous, natural speech surpasses that of an 8th grade reading level. Because it's only okay to "be yourself" if in doing so you don't "make other people feel bad". "Don't care what anyone thinks"--but "don't use 'big 'words'". Nope. Fuck straight off, you anti-intellectual hypocrite.

1

People either love me or can't stand me. No inbetween, but that's fine. I'd rather be 100% not fake and have people that love me for that, than have friends that only love the fake customer service me.

People like her so much but she's such a bitch and makes mean faces when you turn around

1

Who else could I be? I'll go with the old Popeye the Sailor idea, "I yam what I yam..." I'm not dead or in prison; have good health and not much to worry about. I think things have worked out well enough. And about friends, yeah, the ones who just allow you to be yourself are the friends that matter, stick with them.

1

Dude, same fucking thing here. I love the shit.

1

@AustinSkepticus don't give up on being yourself just because your old friends had expectations of the old you. when you find friends who accept you being yourself, those will be the friends that should keep. being yourself is not easy, it's not always clear, but it's usually interesting.

1

I am like ninety percent introverted. I am alone most of the time. I figure friends don't do nothing but borrow money and start trouble.

People are a necessary trouble. No man is an island. We all must contribute to the society that we benefit from, also to make any sort of impact whether internally or externally one needs others, but other than that I ain't got much use for folks, and I think that's ok.

1

I've been being myself for a long time. I can honestly tell you that there has been no "backlash", at least none that I've ever paid any attention to.
If people are giving you a hard time, it's probably because you scare them. Those with
the "herd" mentality always see any deviation from that as a threat to the collective.
These are usually people who are completely satisfied with the status quo, and hardly ever having to think for themselves. Keep doing you. Things will improve. It might just be time for new friends. It happens.

1

How do you know who yourself is?

0

What does it mean to be yourself?

0

I was always being too blunt, awkward, pendantic, super intense, throwing off the grading curve, asking deep questions 5 minutes before the bell rang, calling my family out on their dysfunctional habits and otherwise making things worse than they had to be if I didn't have this deep need, almost compulsion, to say whatever it was I needed to say.

I could never quite figure out any other way to be.

The right kind of people, for instance, those who don't like deluding themselves, appreciate my candor. Others, notsomuch. I am careful who I keep in my life.

0

It's a psychological truth that we attribute higher intelligence to people who agree with us. That's just human nature, and only mentally training ourselves to counter that instinct with logic can overcome it. There's 2 ways to approach it, either hang out with like-minded people or be more cautious about sharing your opinion if it's a hassle. I let a lot slide by in the name of social graces, but on things that really matter to me I don't give a damn if my opinion pushes them away.

0

First, I don't have much choice,
2nd I am a loner so no great drama.

0

When I'm myself at work, I just end up making a lot of trips to the HR department.

JeffB Level 6 Mar 5, 2018
0

Yeah, myself is awkward and socially inept. Nobody wants to be that.

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