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When is it okay to say "I love you"?

Nick said "I love you" a week after we met. I was shocked. He seemed needy.

"It's too soon to talk about love," I replied. I felt pressured.

In past relationships, I waited approximately six months to a year before saying "I love you." Building trust takes time.

Your thoughts?

LiterateHiker 9 May 7
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58 comments (51 - 58)

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5

My ex-husband told me he loved me when we were dating after a few weeks. I never said it back. After a week of him saying it and me not returning the sentiment he said it was hard to tell me he loved me when I didn't say it back. I said, you don't want me to lie, do you? Sorry now I ever told him I loved him.

8

You say it when you feel it.
If the other person doesn't, then they probably don't feel it.
You both then get to decide what to do with that information.

6

I agree with your instincts.

Premature “I love you’s“ say “I want something from you”.

Whereas a timely “I love you” says “I care to give to you”.

“One week” notification would send me running... for they don’t even know me a little.

3

For me it would be 2 or 3 months to tell someone I 💘 them.

8

It should be voiced when you truly feel it, but I think genuine love takes time. If someone were telling me they love me after only a week I'd be extremely skeptical and consider it a red flag of huge proportions. You can't even begin to know someone in a week or two.....not really at any rate.

Dew25 Level 7 May 7, 2019
4

You have to feel it to say it...there is no time limit...

I trusted the man I love very quickly so it was easy for me to say I love you in a short time...

4

Yeah very subjective no time limit

4

First, I wouldn't assume the statement is made to pressure you. It could be, but if it's made in good faith, it's made without the expectation of a particular response or the assumption that you're coming along at the same pace. You have to question whether the pressure is real or not. It's not impossible for someone to be head over heels very quickly, and at least it's a huge compliment.

Tell him you're not there yet, and his reaction will tell you all you need to know. If he really loves you, he won't start pouting or acting out. He'll tell you that's fine.

Of course if this was literally a week, then chalk it up to irrational exuberance, and discount its value as actual "love". At that stage he could only comment on what little he knows of you -- outward appearance and appeal, interesting conversation, meeting of the minds -- but I agree it's too soon to make a declaration of enduring love. I'm just arguing there's no inherent reason to feel put upon.

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