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When is it okay to say "I love you"?

Nick said "I love you" a week after we met. I was shocked. He seemed needy.

"It's too soon to talk about love," I replied. I felt pressured.

In past relationships, I waited approximately six months to a year before saying "I love you." Building trust takes time.

Your thoughts?

LiterateHiker 9 May 7
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58 comments (26 - 50)

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1

In my experience EVERY time a man has said it too early to me he was being manipulative either in an emotional way to make me believe he cared for me more than he did (or at all with the last one), or in a way to try and manipulate sex/sexual intimacy out of me. I only believed it when it was said to me by my long term ex of 5 years. I could tell it was genuine and heartfelt by how he said it and how he didn't expect anything in return. Some months later I said it back to him as I felt it too. 🙂 Hence my skepticism with guys that say it too soon. Although my bullshit detector has always been spot on with this. With my first high school bf he said it to me while he was aroused (we had not had sex yet) and he said it in spanish, when the boy was not a spanish speaker. A way to distance himself from the words perhaps? I laughed out loud at that one as I knew what he was doing. 🙂

1

Yes,I would use 6 months to gauge emotional attachments, and check for any anger issues. It's sometimes better to be alone to love yourself before getting into a relationship. Seeing couples though, will make you envious of what you are missing,but take your time,see if the other person meets most of your needs....

2

When you truly, honestly, absolutely, for sure, deep-down-in your-heart, FEEL it !

Though, I find it wise to assess the possible ramifications that may result - beforehand.

2

I can feel love for someone quite quickly if it happens, but that has nothing to do with being in a relationship with them and is unconditional. I guess you are talking about falling 'in love' within a relationship, which is normally conditional. My feeling would be to express that if I felt it because there is no certainty that it will last... so enjoy it while I can.

1

When you want something

1

After you have an orgasm

1

POWerful words. I have said in return "your just in lust" but that was just like throwing chum in the water. I waited 6 months repeating myself then proposed and then she freaked out! She then said can't we just live together?

3

you say it when it feels right to you.

3

That sounds like love bombing to me. I had an ex that started talking about our future and if we were to be exclusive and about the future after just 1 date. It seemed bizarre then, but he was using it as a manipulative tool since he was a narc. Now I would be leery of any man that professed seriousness so soon. 😳

3

It's too soon for you but it wasnt for him. You have different backgrounds and experiences. It doesnt mean he is needy . And it doesnt obligate you to say anything.

3

IMO, way to soon! After one Week of having met. I agree with the needy assessment and not sure I could ever trust the person. Unstable comes to mind.

7

my thought is that it doesn't run on anyone's calendar or schedule. this is an impossible question. there is no time-related answer. when you feel it and are not afraid to say it, that's when.

g

3

Yes, totally agree. There is no need to say anything like that when you are just getting to know each other and barely got a start on that just after a week. One must actually like someone first before even thinking about taking it to the next level.

11

When you really mean it.

Jnei Level 8 May 7, 2019
3

Must have been 'love at first sight'........

5

Love is a good thing. I don't see anything wrong with it.

5

I proposed marriage after one week.

She said, "But, I don't know if I love you."

"It will grow," I said.

"You need to talk about this to my mom," she said.

We've been married quite happily for more years than anyone in the family wants to remember because of how old it makes them feel.

So, in answer to your question: It depends on the people involved.

2

I don't set any time limit on when I say it, however I do want to know the person before I do. Getting to know someone does take some time... more than a week, however if someone told me that they loved me after only a week it would not bother me.

3

Not letting things progress at their own pace seems a bit like fishing for reciprocation, but it would probably be preferable, at least from my perspective, to qualify these feelings instead by saying things like, "I love spending time with you, I love your take on the world, I love your personality, etc."

At this early stage, "I love you," seems to involve more questions than one might have later in the relationship. It's also an unfortunate reality that dating and partnering often pressures some people to try to "close the deal" as it were, out of fear the person they desire and have strong feelings for might "get away."

That being said, I remember someone once pointing out, "emotions are neither good nor bad, they just are."

2

I agree with you. I guess at least months to a year of a great relationship. Before that ... it might just be infatuation, an impulse or sometimes a way to manipulate you to get you more involved...We all know that the phrase does stun partners, but it might also be counterproductive, like in your case.

5

To answer the question: When you mean it.

4

It's said when you want to express it. Some short, some long. It's said when it's felt and needing to be expressed. No right, no wrong. Could be needy, could be clingy, could be codependent, could be loving, could be free spirited, could be amazingly supportive. Only one way to find out...

4

When you feel you must

3

There are different levels of emotions and not everyone has the same speed limit.

4

The heart knows when it is time

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