This is the curse of being INTJ when you're dutifully stalling out on identifying and applying your own positive emotional motivators, because ostensibly you don't see them as logical or rational. Yep, I get it. Patterns that don't fit in the "practical" box are frequently discarded subconsciously until we figure out we're doing it. It is easy for us to be dismissive on a daily basis of the emotional expectations around us (the "emote as others expect" bit you mentioned), and so almost by design we have underdeveloped emotional maturity. It bottles up, and then comes out unexpectedly when we suddenly find ourselves saturated with it. Imagine being an INFJ who routinely experiences that saturation - they're way better equipped than we are to understand it but get so much more overwhelmed more often. Be thankful.

See, we INTJs also tend to think we're smarter than almost everyone else, and for some silly reason we carry that arrogance into the emotional realm, where we have no business acting like we know anything at all. We really don't know shit about our emotions.

The only practical fix for an INTJ reads like a HOW-TO: recognize these limitations, accept them, and do our best to find things (people? maybe, but not necessarily) that bring us joy. Then make ourselves do those things. Treat them like business problems to be solved. Equations to be worked. Plans to be masterminded.

Other people notice us when we're doing what we're best at - solving problems. We love it when we're recognized for doing what comes natural, so we have to apply our ability to the observation and correction of our own mind patterns. It's a matter of tempering the associated arrogance, and holy fuck do I still struggle with that.

Oh, and hi, RJ. Welcome to Agnostic.com.

I'd spent some time when I was younger feeling numb and disconnected, mainly because I was so easily overwhelmed with feeling and it was the only way I could handle things. I really believed there was something very wrong with me. As I've gotten older I've learned to appreciate my sensitive trait and how to manage my emotions better. There are times I need to withdraw and be calm and quiet, but I don't shut down anymore... It's not an easy thing to manage, I have my moments, hours, days, when it feel like it's too much... The most important thing I've had to learn is to be very kind and patient with myself, because I can be my own worst enemy.

Do you see a pattern behind this "throwing of the switch"? It may be that the "numb" mode follows an extended "empathy at 11" mode.

I have had times where there is emotional burnout over something major (death of a loved one, say) and I go "numb" over that, and that pretty much takes down the whole emotional landscape. It doesn't feel as acutely unpleasant as you're describing, it is just the principle that you can't disconnect from one feeling without disconnecting from them all. Like you, I can put in an appearance and "rise to the occasion" but internally I'm pretty indifferent to everything that's going on.

Anyway I wonder if your highly sensitive nature is tripping the emotional circuit breaker sometimes.

It's possible that you might be better off in the long run living in a less urban setting where you can have some solitude and quiet on a regular basis. If that feels right to you, it might be a long term goal to pursue.

We all feel emotional differences on a certain scale between euphoria at one end and deep indifference or lassitude on the other. They don’t normally last more than fleetingly, unless there is an underlying chemical imbalance in the brain, so perhaps you need to have a mental health assessment as is suggested by @Freethinkingxx. To feel so disengaged from others or be overloaded emotionally by them, as you describe, would not be within normal parameters I feel, and would suggest you seek professional help as they sound intolerable to me.