I hope you feel better for having revealed that, but always be true to yourself.

Obviously, you love your grandmother and she loves you. Isn't that the most important thing?

Choices have consequences. Your Gram made a choice that alienated you, her granddaughter, and it doesn't sound like she really respected your point of view. It was probably not her intention, but that was the effect. You also made a choice. You feel guilty about it. You had a conflicting choice between hypocrisy for the sake of family harmony and personal integrity. I understand that you feel how you feel, and you can't change that. But how would you feel if you just went along with her, essentially lying to her? I'm sure your Gram loved you, which is the most important thing. People can also choose to be disappointed, you know. I hope getting it out there helps you deal with your emotions and you find some solace. Best of luck to you.

My nana was my best friend. When I was interested in leather she bought me a kit. When I wanted to see a movie my parents wouldn't let me see "When the Boys Meet the Girls" or something like that, she would take me. We would take the subway to downtown Boston and hit Filene's Basement. I had her in my life for a long time-109 years. I dream about her often.

If these invitations and bullying doesn't bother you, keep doing it. If it does, I recommend having a conversation like this.. "You know that doing this thing (pray, come to church, etc.)makes me unhappy and uncomfortable, and it's not "conviction" , it's that I don't believe it. But you say it will make you happy if I do this for you. How does making me uncomfortable and unhappy, make you happy? ".

This is really what it boils down to, and they need to see it in those terms.

I still bow my head when my mom says grace. That's sort of the point of getting older. You learn these things. We all have to do things sometimes that we don't want to to make people happy. Good for you that you realize this now.

The fact that you think about it and care speaks volumes. Try not to beat yourself up too much. I'm not saying this is the case here because she may have just wanted your company or hoped you'd be a "believer," but I still never understand why people need reinforcement for their religious beliefs. If I date can believer, they are allowed to believe whatever they want as long as it doesn't affect me but they always need that reinforcement. Anyway, your grandmother raised you to be the caring person you are.

I know the feeling.. I'm 54 years old and will still bend to Mom's request to say a blessing before a meal.. I have this little prayer i was taught when i was young that i role through very quickly and get it over with just to pacify her. But 20 years ago i would just say no and not do it.. Now i figure it's not worth causing her the heartache and i just say the prayer for her.. Bottom line though, it's not worth fretting over now.

Venting is therapeutic!! Find your inner peace and know the map to that place.

don't beat yourself up I'm sure you repaid her kindness in many ways. you can't change the past anyway.

I have a similar memory with my papa k. He lived very far so I rarely spent time with him, but I went to live with him for a month. One day he brought home a piggybank that you paint yourself. We had so much fun painting it, and then he painted Alyxs on it. I was only 9, but I've always been a grammar nazi. Anyway I told him it should say 'Alyx's' since it showed ownership. He told me I was wrong and it escalated into a large argument which ended with him throwing the piggiebank away and storming out.

To this day I hate that stupid argument. He just wanted to have fun with his granddaughter and I was too stupidly obstinate to just let it go and enjoy our time together, instead of making him feel stupid. After he passed away last year it really pops up a lot, making me want to cry. I know it's a stupid argument and I was 9 but I regret every moment I ever spent not showering him with love.