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"Exercise keeps Mr. Happy excited."

... a man messaged me on Tinder last night. His pet name for his junk? Scoffing, I let it pass.

"Sex is practicing for marriage," he continued. "We should be able to talk about sex anytime." Sex, sex, sex. This after I said it's a turnoff when men push for sex before meeting.

"Practicing for marriage." What a line! Do women fall for this? He sent his phone number.

"To have sex, I need to feel emotionally, mentally and physically safe," I replied wearily. "This requires trust. Trust takes time. I need to get to know you first. Goodnight."

This morning, our messages were deleted. By whom, the decency police?

I joined Tinder three weeks ago. So far, 97 men "liked" me. I had a phone conversation with a doctor in Albuquerque and got solicited by Mr. Happy.

Is this typical? What has been your experience on Tinder?

LiterateHiker 9 Nov 14
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19 comments

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3

So, men get married to have sex & women have sex to get married. What"s new!

1

Never been to Tinder.... I still hunt the Old Fashion Way.... going into the Woods. Following the Sutton's Law. I Live by the Sutton's Law.

2

As mentioned below, I had heard that Tinder was for hook-ups.

2

I have not used Tinder but friends have used it and it is akin to a hookup site... do people find long term relationships on the site? sure! Is it the best site for LTRs? Probably not. But if you want to get your rocks off in a moment's notice, I'd say it is a good site for that! 😉

3

I thought Tinder was well-known as a one-night-stand meat market. I've been having similar experiences on Plenty of Fish. I've met some pretty interesting characters on this website as well. It's pretty much the same thing meeting people at bars. I don't think I've meet one interested member of the opposite sex who wasn't ready to get busy on the first date. I'm starting to feel like a prude here, but I am with you 100%. It's been a wake-up call and pretty overwhelming.

maybe you are not a prude! Maybe you are just a demisexual like me! 🙂 IT is possible 😉 Finding compatible partners as a demi can be difficult for sure.... I once had a guy legit tell me on a first date, his dealbreaker is not having sex by the 3rd date. I told him that is not happening with me. So he ate his food, paid and left. XD

@demifeministgal I meet a lot of people online and at bars. So, I'm attracted to them, but after a day of texting or on the phone, I realize it's just not going to work. Some people make it to a first, second, or third date. One person took me 2 months to realize "Oh Jesus Christ- no" when I really got to know him. My point being if I slept with everyone I was meeting on the first date, I would be servicing a hell of a lot of people...

@UrsiMajor ooh okay. So you are in the hookup culture then? Or somewhere in between demis and hooking up? 😕

I never think about sex on the first date. My focus is on getting a second date. I should mention that I'm never successful at the first and seldom successful at the other.

@demifeministgal I don't know what I am. Maybe sexually frustrated? Sometimes when I feel like testing someone, I'll tell them I haven't had sex since my ex-husband 2 years ago. I have had people yell at me, laugh, flat out tell me it wasn't going to work and a couple of "I'll waits."

@UrsiMajor yell at you?! really? what the fck did they say? asshats

@demifeministgal One said "What is wrong with your libido and why are you playing games and we need to just be friends" and the other just felt like I had wasted his time.

@UrsiMajor lol those men are stupid and best avoided.... like nothing has to be wrong with one's libido to not have sex with someone else... masturbation and sex toys are a thing.... once these men are super old and cannot get laid by anyone they will understand.... not that they cannot get laid due to being old, but I think women make allowances for them cuz they are still young enough, which will not be extended to them once they are very old.

4

Ugg. Never even wanted to consider it. All the stories I've heard are about guys thinking (or not thinking) with their, um, other head.

4

You joined Tinder....the app that is now culturally known to be a hookup app....expecting to find a serious relationship?

I mean...sure it's possible...but the type of members has shifted for that app. Pardon the puns.

There are other apps like coffee meets bagel or even bumble that likely have a better selection.

@MakeItGood

A male friend suggested Tinder. "I have met nice women on Tinder," he said.

@LiterateHiker my mature single professional colleagues are meeting women on Bumble.

@Bigwavedave

Okay, okay, I will check out Bumble.

@LiterateHiker That is the problem right there! Do not take dating app advice from a man! Our experiences online (heck even in person) as women will be MUCH different than that of men. Men tend to worry about getting no replies back or no interest. We have to worry about the creeps and violent types and harassers. Completely different dynamic to navigate.

@JohnnyQB Yes, if those men actually talk to and listen to other women and their experiences.... if they are relating solely from their own personal experiences, very few will be helpful.... like it or not, women experience a type of bias men do not and many cannot or will not (refuse to) understand. And acknowledging the fact you, as a man, will never truly know (aka experience) life as a woman, is not a gender bias. I mean, why the fck would you even want to know what it is like? It fckng sucks often. Even as a man experiencing those things, it will not impact you the way it does women. Were you ever actually worried one of those women would overpower you in a fight or rape you against your will? Like seriously was that more than a fleeting thought for you? I highly doubt it, unless they had a weapon and brandished it at you.

@JohnnyQB I am not sorry to explain to you old man that systemic sexism (against women) is still a very real problem in north america. If you do not know what I mean, google systemic sexism and systemic oppression to understand what I mean... and no this is not something women wish to experience.... in fact we would prefer if there were not biases in our disadvantage but sadly there is.
in fact, no country in the world, including scandinavian countries, has achieved social political and economic equality among the genders.

@JohnnyQB then that would not be comparable to this at all because my response was very specific to dating apps whereas you are implying women are not good for advice about anything.

@JohnnyQB aaah classic knee jerk reaction about something you know nothing about.... just rant rant rant like a dunning kruger fool..... until you are educated your little paragraphs are useless as they are uninformed.... go back to an incel or MRA forum with that uneducated crap... they may pat you on the back.... and don't ever tell a woman that she has never been victimized when you don't know crap about her life and what she has gone through.... the vast majority of women, the world over, has been street harassed in our lifetimes not to mention too many of us are sexually harassed or abused or raped by men. But sure, keep your head in the sand if it makes you feel better.

LMFAO you honestly think there are female privileges that are denied to men? what like the dumbass draft that has not been used in the 70s and is a moot talking point. Because men are not denied privileges or rights by virtue of being men. Nice try.

@demifeministgal silly question....is it difficult to identify the creep/violent types/harrassers via the profiles?

@MakeItGood yes.... some are very overt with it and literally dedicate their profile to lecturing women how to date properly, aka to meet their specific needs, and ranting about how horrible all women are. They are outnumbered by the charming undercover creep/violent/harasser types. Think of it like this, too many people never suspect someone is a sociopath or psychopath or narcissist until they do something violent and fckd up.... well those same subgroup of men are trying to date and apply their sneaky ways in their romantic relationships as they do everyday situations.

3

I have never tried Tinder. I have been on quite a few other dating sites. Agnostic.Com may not be considered a dating site yet it is better than any dating site I've been on.. Don't give it. Don't let what is undesirable discourage you.

Unity Level 7 Nov 14, 2019
4

None at all because when I joined dating apps I was "liked" not much at all.

I did meet my ex-girlfriend on Bumble and that lasted a year. She was wonderful but life happened.

It seems like 80 percent of the women go for 20 percent of the guys. If that is true, I may be in the top 30 or 40 percent.

Yea, apps made me a little jaded. I don't use them anymore to keep my sanity. I think the thing going against me the most is that I am an atheist in Texas

FTR: I have never harassed a woman.

I have never stalked or assaulted a woman.

I have never been violent with a woman.

I have never taken an indecent picture of myself

I never even called a woman a name.

It has always been: Jay, you are a good guy but I don't see myself with you

And that's fine. I let her walk away and never hear from me again.

It must be a compatibility issue then. Your values do not properly allign. That, or some women you date need to feel an uncontrollable spark and chemistry with their partner to say long term.... which is bloody stupid cuz great sex will only take any relationship so far. Those types need to wisen up and grow up. 😉

Well, better they go then you invest any more time with them.

3

I tried the POF app, plenty of fish, what a nightmare, I had a profile up for 2 days before deleting it, the 1 guy I met for coffee freaked me out so bad that I'll never do that again. I was straight up scared to death.

What'd he do?

@Sgt_Spanky he was a tweaked out meth head that kept trying to grab my ass, I seriously thought about pepper spraying his dumb ass.

@JohnnyQB I wish I had known that before hand... live and learn I guess, but I don't think I'll be taking a chance like that again.

@Heatherjusthea So I shouldn't do that on a first date? This explains a lot of the failed dates I've had...and all the pepper spray. 😟

@Sgt_Spanky lol, yeah probably not the best idea

@JohnnyQB I think I learned my lesson

6

Maybe I'll join Tinder too. I'll use this as my contact message.

Mr. Friendly like s your profile. Mr. Friendly likes your picture, Mr. Friendly likes you. Mr. Friendly wants to practice marriage with you. Please reply to Mr. Friendly with your phone number and a boob shot and we'll make this love connection happen.

*Sincerely,

Mr. Friendly's Owner.

I'll be rolling in poon.

@Sgt_Spanky

Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh.

Laughing out loud!

3

Try Bumble. I have heard it is marginally better.

@GreatNani

Thanks. At this point, I feel gun shy.

@LiterateHiker I can say I am not pursuing any of that now. I just can not work up any enthusiasm. But I know many women who have used Bumble and liked it. Maybe after the new year 😟

Not really. None of the sites are safe. I’m on 4-5. Nine of them. Even now with me too they’re still trolling for sex. And the married men. “Not getting any at home, looking for a companion for my empty life”.

While your wife gets the concert tickets, vacations and retirement money I get to have sex with you? No thanks!

@RobinGray that made me laugh! Yes we get the sex and the wife gets all the other stuff? Nope thanks anyway.

6

All dating sites are for most men to troll for sex. The actual decent probably get 500 women contacting them and only one wins. It sucks. You can’t have a conversation without being asked your preferred position before you meet. They always say “I just want to be prepared to please you”. They would please me by treating me as more than a hole for their dick!

2

This was the first "dating" site I've ever tried... in fact, it's the only social media I use... I found my bf through this site, although it wasn't a member here... He was the son of his dad's friend who introduced us. And that man, my very good friend, is who got us together...
Before that, I've received many msgs like you described... Many so much worse when I said I wasn't interested...

6

It seems like Tinder just gives you quicker and easier access to more people you're not compatible with....

0

Never tried it. Seems too impersonal, too focused on the sexual aspect of a relationship.

4

Unfortuneatly good looking women are hounded by men who only have one thing on there mind instead o getting to know the other person firsl ,likes dislike ,personality ,whether openminded ,activies they enjoy like hiking,,They just do not wisen up that this will get them a lot farther,especially if they are kind ,whitty and respectful and ask questions first including asking for consent before asking sexual related questions etc,,just my 3 cents Canadian 5 cents US

3

I largely detest dating sites. Between the fakes, liars, selfish, and odd people, there is about 1% who seem decent. Then compatibility comes into play, dropping below 0.1%.
I have never used, nor will I use Tinder.

2

I've let all other "dating" sites wither (hidden or removed myself)

I do not feel pressured here. I enjoy conversations. I am not fond of Nigerians.

lol..probably a wise idea

@RoyMillar

I get lots of responses with my shaven pic. A current one usually yields "loose the beard grandpa"

@moosepucky So, why don't you?

Will you please send me your bank information?

My uncle is in prison by the king of Zumanda.

🐵

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