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Why do men cheat and always think they can get away with it??

At the risk of losing a good job, good pay, reputation, family and self integrity men never seem to be able to restrain from the temptation. Is it animal instinct that wins out??

2muchstupidity 6 Nov 16
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5

Why do women cheat and think they can get away with it? There are really no numbers to show how many folks do or don't get caught, but I am sure many folks of both genders do get away with it.

Women DO cheat but not as much as men. They aren't wired that way as much as men they are wired to protect their babies.

@2muchstupidity It takes two to tango.

@EdEarl Yes it does take two to tango...one married and one maybe not!

The more they get away with it, the more they are inclined to continue!

@2muchstupidity 4 possibilities -- (M=married, N=not married, m=men, w=women) MmMw, MmNw, NmMw & NmNw. If men cheat more than women, then there must be more women in the mix, or women couple with more men. However, women say they have fewer relationships than men; somebody must be mistaken, exaggerating or lying, unless the population of men is much smaller than the number of women, and that is not generally true. 5B men cannot mate with 10 women each, if the 5B women have only 5 partners each.

@EdEarl
It's a matter of perspective. Some people cheat but agree to in open relationships.
Men don't talk about cheating much. Women confide more in each other.
I know I've heard more about male politicians cheating and televangelists in the media than females.

@2muchstupidity Men brag and exxagerate. Women may tell a friend, but do not brag. Of course prostitutes are mostly women with male clients, which must account for some of the difference in men and women reporting number of partners.

@2muchstupidity They cheat more than you think. Not as much as men but, quite a bit.

@2muchstupidity If you both agree to it, it is not cheating.

@EdEarl
According to scientific studies, men cheat 20% vs women 13%.
Do a google.

@EdEarl, @Sticks48
I disagree. The third party or the mate is being betrayed this in my opinion it is cheating!

@2muchstupidity I have seen those numbers, I think they are low. I have never figured out how they get those numbers. If you had cheated. are you going to answer yes for some survey?

@2muchstupidity And if the third party approves? There are folks. both men and women, out there who just want to get laid. We all have our own interpretation I guess.

@Sticks48 "If you had cheated. are you going to answer yes for some survey?" Apparently, some do, and probably, some don't. Usually these stats come from college students, many from psychology and sociology students, some who expect to do research and would need honest interviewees.

@Sticks48 "And if the third party approves?" Sometimes the third party likes to watch, participate, or hear about it later. In addition there is polyamory, which researchers say account for about 5% of relationships, but people in the community think is more than 5%.

There are marriages with one person cheating, known by their partners without approval, and they stay together. Some marriages hang together for children or finances, and one or both parties have extramarital affairs. Sometimes a spouse is becomes uninterested or incapable of having sex with their partner, leaving the other frustrated and unhappy; should this always result in divorce, for example, if a spouse is incapacitated by illness or injury?

@2muchstupidity You can substantiate that?

4

Whatever the answer is, it applies to woman also.

Yes, but not as much.

@2muchstupidity who do men have affairs with?

@2muchstupidity That's purely an opinion or speculation. Here's one study that I found On Google but there are others[edition.cnn.com]

@TheoB there ya GO!!
Now here's some truth for you lady who created this post! Educate yourself on narcissists sociopaths and Psychopaths and then learn to steer clear of the bastards

4

It's definitely not just men - and I think it's very plainly about entitlement and selfishness. Cheating in a relationship is saying, "What I want is more important than how you feel." Even if the cheater doesn't go out intending to cheat, they still made choices that led them there - and they chose their desires over any of the other options they had - ones that are not cheating and betrayal.

Totally!!!

I struggle with addiction. But not pills or alcohol. I am addicted to sex, that may sound rather crass and it took me a very long time to ultimately admit to myself that was in trouble. Alcohol would be the fuel, I am an attractive European male and can be quite charming when I have to be, it was easy. The hard part was stopping it happening in the first place. I would wake up in the mornings hung over with a stranger who's name I didn't even know. I would literally cry for hours, I even considered suicide. I am getting better but still struggle with this. It makes me depressed, it hurts my life, my work, my career. I completely and utterly hate myself.

3

There are Men who take the wedding vows seriously;"Forsaking all others", I did for the 27 years(26 good ones) to my late wife,before her 13 month cancer fight.My stepson said I had plenty of chances,but I didn't see them. I have my memories now,some good,others bittersweet......

You are a rare bird.

@2muchstupidity I was late to marriage at 43,after High School I did odd jobs, and joined the Air Force,going away while my classmate were marrying,having kids and divorcing,I was over in the heat and humidity of Thailand,working on aircraft weapons systems,moving from base to base much like a roaming Gypsy,staying maybe 6 months and moving on,never time to put down roots, find a good Woman and have a family.

After my two enlistments were finished, all I found were low paying jobs,the first in 1974 paid $2.85 an hour,not much dating on that income,not until I got the Aerospace job could I do a wife hunt. So I did it the older way,ran an ad in a singles paper, my wife to be read it,we dated and married 6 months later. I was her third husband,she my first wife,to those she knew I was "3rd times the charm",so I have my memories now,some good,others bittersweet.....

@2muchstupidity My late father was a Womanizer,not sure how or why it began,but during my Senior year in High School they divorced,my late mother stood it only so long. To reduce the expenses, I joined the Air Force,as I had two younger brothers still at home. One of the first aircraft I worked on,the F-105 Thunderchief.

3

They do it because they think they won’t get caught. Little narcissistic, little sociopathic...or a lot. They don’t care who gets hurt.

My daughter recently discovered that her boyfriend of nearly 4 years is married. She had no reason to doubt him until he became very sick and refused to allow her to visit him. Then it unraveled quickly. Before that, he was in college part time, working full time; my daughter works full time. That they had limited time together made sense. He was an excellent liar, and a convincing one...for awhile.
Once she confronted him, he admitted to it. 🤦🏼♀️

I dated a man for 3 months and found out he was married.

@2muchstupidity That’s a horrible feeling. I know my daughter had a few doubts along the way, but each time she did, he headed them off with all kinds of subtle manipulative excuses. His bout of poor health gave her a breathing space to really add up and examine her doubts...low and behold, it was not her imagination!
My first husband cheated; I found out fast because he took my kids along, and my son told me about dad’s new friend. 🙄

2

Some people are cheaters.

It bothers me when people call it out as a gendered behavior. I'm pretty sure when you're talking about heterosexuals who are attracted to the opposite sex - you have equal sided participation. I imagine when you get into folks who are more fluid in their partners the numbers can change a bit.

Not all people cheat. I never have.

I just can't imagine a situation in which I would knowingly do so. (Being lied to? No one can entirely account for that). And that sucks.

I was cheated on - and it still burns my ass even if it was 34 years ago. What an immature wanker that man was.

In other words all people have to cheat in order for someone to bring up this topic? All men all women?? No but there's plenty of them out there. I don't date women I don't think she does so she talks on what she has experienced. that's what people do

2

Fuck men! Chop off their dicks at birth!

No need to go to extremes. There should be a better alternative. After all, I do have 3 sons. How about self restraint?

Bing, have a Snickers.

@2muchstupidity
Maybe not getting married not getting into a relationship and then you don't have to worry about being called a cheater. End of discussion! Is my thought

2

And why do you paint all men (or women), the same - has every man you've ever known, been a cheater ?

Yes!

Not every single one. But too many. First husband, caught. Next husband, tried to get me into an open marriage, which was not my thing. Boyfriends, several cheaters there. Last husband, I’m pretty sure he was, he was better at not getting caught, but the behavior was all there.
I’d rather break up than cheat. I HAVE broken up, rather than cheat.

@CarolinaGirl60
Yes girlfriend, I feel your pain and disgust!! I have been down that same road!
My sympathy!

@2muchstupidity Wow - sorry to hear that, sounds like your "picker" might need a tune-up ...

Seems to me she asked a question. What is up with this all-or-nothing thing?

2

Too much time close to someone else (work mates).

Closeness and time make for mutual thoughts.

Alchohol is a close second.

Agree.

2

While I think "animal instinct" is fair, women cheating is also common.

[businessinsider.com]

[perspectivesoftroy.com]

It's not as much as men but more common now becuz of social media. I find women cheat to get revenge on a cheater.

1

Some men don't have the maturity to restrain themselves. They also want validation (and women do too, we all like to feel attractive) and as I get older, I get more married men thinking I'm available for an affair due to my own marital status. The attention is flattering but I am no one's side piece, thanks.
I dated plenty of cheaters when I was single the first time and there was less at stake (unless you count the possibility of getting an STD/STI). There are plenty out there still that think they can have their cake and eat it too and most of them are on dating sites.
I immediately stop dating someone if they can't produce a divorce/death certificate. Also don't waste time with separated men. Too old for games.

That's right the games are on and on. Guys see these dating sites as, hoe sites, well the pond scum or bottom dwellers

1

Ok if you use Men or Mankind, but all men don't lies! 😉

Don't remember her saying all

@Finelyagedwine as written, it seems to be a generality for her, if I'm right... 😉

I don't think any of us were referring to all or none. We know our experience. What is the greatest teacher? Experience

1

It is genetic. We are not in control. Most of us are just lucky.

And, when the dumb-stick decides, it is too late for the frontal lobes to stop the worst of it.

This is not an excuse. But it is a reason. We do not have control. To demand we do, without significant childhood training, is unfair at best.

And, it is embarrassing to admit to not having control. Very unmanly.

Then don't marry

@Finelyagedwine Genetics and reality does not negate the need to be near a soulmate, a person who completes us, who balances our faults and strengths.
But to demand each sex is the same is a clear path to species suicide.

Unfair to expect you to control yourself? I have to control myself. Why not men or is there an exception? Buy some saltpeter! There are ways to do things if we really want to. And if we don't then the proof is evident.

But to demand each sex is the same as a clear path to species suicide. Well I don't know that anyone demanded that both sexes were the same.
But there is this little thing called, common courtesy and respect. And controlling one's self. Yeah I expect it. Not too much to ask.

I would love to think that there is a wonderful man that can come my way, and there still a little bit of hope that that is true and possible, however I'm not holding my breath. My experience is narcissist sociopath love me. But there's going to be a new dance next time, LOL a good man will get good treatment!
One of these other things that I don't see as even human, there will be no respect given

1

Hard to say unless circumstances lead to it bad marriage infidelity etc . In some cases it's just ego macho Bullshit. I never cheated on partner , happiness can be a deterrent to roaming and also women do the same just less of them

bobwjr Level 10 Nov 17, 2019

Glad to hear you didn't cheat. If unhappy, get a divorce. I refuse to ever get married again I don't want any part of that religious bondage. Yes there are some good guys out there. Not very many though

Yeah, those things can happen, for either.
But my newfound motto is: " don't get married"
Sure Fire way to destroy a relationship is to get married

1

There are men who never cheat.

Sadly there are some who do - same thing with women - possibly in equal numbers.

Now, now... don't be an apologist for men. You know they are exactly the kind of scum she says they are. Every last one of them.

@bingst Hey I grew up with men who didn't. I still think there are plenty of people who never would.
We can go with stereotypes or with a kinder reality where people state their actual intentions. 👍
Or when they reach that point? Divorce or split up first.

1

Some cheat and expect to be caught. Maybe they like their mate to cry over them. Maybe they are sadistic.

They are selfish.

It IS sadistic to want your partner to cry and feel emotional pain. That describes my last ex—lots of emotional abuse and gaslighting: he wasn’t cheating, it was just ME being crazy. 🙄
I just don’t understand that. Love shouldn’t hurt!

@CarolinaGirl60 the fun part, is turning the table.
Lol

@Finelyagedwine For that to work, they have to care. He didn’t.

1

Because the vast majority of the time it's with a woman that's equally as stupid as they are.

1of5 Level 8 Nov 16, 2019

I disagree. I'm not stupid except when I believed my husband. I've been betrayed many times by trusting who I thought were kind and decent me.

@2muchstupidity hes talking about the women they cheat with, not on. Same goes for lots of unsuspecting husbands.

@2muchstupidity burners got it.

If you go into it thinking most guys suck (we do, btw) then you can be pleasantly surprised when you find one that doesnt.

0

I don't know that we were ever actually meant to have ongoing connection with one person. Well with a guy that is anyway. No I am not gay.
I work my ass off in a relationship came to find out he was a sociopath. Destroyed my life every area financially relationships with family possessions animals all gone.
There are very few men who are worth your time. There are some quality men out there! But very few and far between

I agree with you!! I'm so sorry you had to go through that with the sociopath guy. They know how to fool the smartest of people.
I have lost a lot of money and material items due to men who have been liars and narcissists . Unfortunately you are not alone.
Be strong and independent. That's what my happy safe zone is!!

0

Their egosneed more stroking than a real woman/job-holder/mother can give 24/7/365, and there is always some woman ready to give the ILLUSION that she can "fill his needs". Pathetic.

0

I've cheated, and I've always gotten away with it.

Well, that just makes you a shitty fucking person. And if you ever lied to hide it, that makes you an even shittier person. Sure hope your aren't here for dating... because that's over now if you are.

@Kafirah I think it makes me ordinary. I've been cheated-on more than I've been the cheater, but that wasn't the topic.

@BitFlipper Two wrongs don't make a right. You sunk to their level and betrayed someone in the most devastatingly intimate of ways. You didn't have the courage to break it off with someone before betraying them. And now, here you are trying to justify it and normalize it. What you did was one of the shittiest things a person can do to someone else that doesn't involve direct violence. There is no justification for that. And especially not "people have done it to me too." But it seems you are living with what you did just fine, so...

May a camel take u into the desert and leave u there!! U deserve this karma!! 😛😜😝

@Kafirah
Very well said!! I totally agree with you!! If you trust someone and then are betrayed by them, it's the worst fucking degrading feeling!!

@2muchstupidity, @Kafirah you both seem to think that I am defending the practice of cheating. Maybe it's because I admitted it. Well, I think it's important to contribute truth to these discussions. You are both very likely to see other truths here that you don't like. I hope you will be able to take something from those truths without being blinded by your anger.

@BitFlipper
EXCUSE ME? I'm not going to say I'm sorry for my anger at you! I know how I feel about what you did. If someone else on this site states something that I disagree with, I will state my anger about what I don't agree with!!!!!! No regret about how I feel and my anger.

@2muchstupidity I'm not even going to bother pointing out how he's claiming honesty while defending cheating on people...

And then there's him. Have fun

@2muchstupidity, @BitFlipper from what I'm hearing now he has shed more light on the situation, I believe I understand. And we have to be careful that we don't take our anger from whoever the hell we were with out on someone that didn't do it to us. It's really easy for me to do that. Sounds to me like he got screwed around on and finally said well what the hell if you can't beat'em join'em.
I can understand being committed to somebody until they put me through hell, and then I finally wake up and say two can play at that baby

0

If married men only cheat with single ladies, and married women don't cheat as much, that leaves a few married women who cheat exclusively with single men, and a few single women who don't date married men. It also leaves a bunch of single men with zero options. That doesnt jive with the tales and soap operas that get posted every day. Its way more complicated.

Well, I can tell you from my perspective that complicated is an understatement when it affects your kids and grandkids. It many times leads to divorce in my case and lots of family pain as a result.

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