"I’d never find Mr. Right chasing Mr. Unavailable." Bingo! Sounds like me on dating sites

Waiting for a "healthy me"? I've been led to believe that sex is healthy, and necessary for a happy life. I wish I had been able to start before age 23. I feel like the delay, and accompanying anxiety, really messed me up.

I agree about never engaging in sex with someone who "insists" on it. That's a no-no.

On the other hand, I never found any use for virginity, so I lost mine just as soon as I met someone willing to help me out with that. (She was so much fun.... )

Good for her. My trajectory however, went in an entirely different direction - and I'm glad it did !

Oh dear i must have been going in a totally different direction....i saw it as a skill and honed my craft...now it pays huge divvies.

I think she held out too long but if that's what worked for her, fine.

Good points. Those of us who didn’t wait have taken different paths, not better or worse

I was a later-in-life virgin and I have no regrets. Though for a very long time I felt ashamed, that I was some sort of freak, that there was something messed up about me because I was older, and this was the hardest thing about being like this. But if I look at where I was at in my life when I was younger, I couldn't handle getting close to someone -- and see here, it was emotional closeness, because I couldn't just find someone to "get it over with", I needed to at least have some sort of emotional connection before I could get physical (I tried it without, but never could go there), and I couldn't even do that. It took some time for me to understand what had caused me to shut down and to work through that - not just for sex and relationships, but that was a part of it.

Also, some people have the assumption that older virgins are prudes -- eh hem, I was never one. I knew how to take care of myself since I was 18, was always very open and curious about sexuality, was always very accepting of other people's differences and preferences, and got turned on like anyone else.

I also wasn't waiting for "the one" - just knowing I could connect with someone who I also felt safe with, who I knew had my interests at heart. And yes, even if it never turned into a relationship. I took the chance when I was ready, and was grateful to find someone like that.

For people who have across-the-board negative judgments about older virgins, I feel very sorry for them. There's a lot they assume and little they understand.

I agree with her conclusion because it is most likely what she felt was best for her. I also think most people make post-hoc rationalizations/justifications about the way they do something in order to legitimize their actions or lack thereof.

I ,myself, am not as interested in sex as I once was. As in, sex, does not drive my actions and I am far less driven to interact in a "feisty" way about it (as my younger self was more prone to this kind of behavior). I now prefer to get to know someone and like them as a person and see some kind of potential in them as a partner before sex comes into the picture. This has not worked well for me since it is typically taken as being uninterested. However, I also still like to think I have grown over the years and learned to know myself better and just be comfortable with me. And even then, all this could be me just justifying my inability/inadequacy to seem interested in a sexual nature.

To each their own.

If her path is what's working for her, good for her.

It took me a minute, but I learned that sex and love have nothing to do with one another, and I'm really okay with that.
When I was younger I had lots of sex, and a lot of it was great. Some of it wasn't.
I also learned that intimacy has nothing to do with sex.

I don't like people being judged about how much sex they have, and how many sexual partners they have.
As long as everyone is a consenting adult, and everyone is protected, it's no one's business but their own.
Everyone has a different journey, and they don't all resemble one another.

Your description is very touching and it proclaims so much about what we are, male and female, when undisturbed in our development by pathogenic environments and thought systems. To rediscover and come to know one's self is our birthright gift of Nature. It is also the 'first order of business' for what we call civilization to deprive us of it and to instill substitutes comparable to tack connected to reins in their possession.

If we don't know, love and possess ourselves, we have little but need to bring to the table of sharing in all relationships that can emotionally bond us others. In rare, so-called primitive cultures located out of reach until very recently, one sees many differing forms of social organization. Seldom, however, are they fraught with the many physical, social and mental maladies we civilized specimens consider to be normal.

Genuine self love and respect that enable the same kind of outward attitude are rare qualities in our place and time among most adults. A typically superior attitude toward other fauna allows a great deal of genuine affection to be heaped upon them by those of our kind who feel unable to express themselves with such abandon toward other people because cultural and emotional constraints and damage prevent it. To break free of the reins is a life-long endeavor. After escaping them we must also try to rid ourselves of the bits and bridles; ever so careful about capture by an new teamster ready to attach new reins.

You sound like a very interesting woman from whom a great deal can be learned. I look forward to it and hope your quest will continue to produce life affirming joy and even greater discoveries.

...made me discover things about myself I might have never realized...

I can never read this particular line of though without thinking "might never have realized? What about the things you might have realized about yourself if you'd done x, y, or z? It's a very subjective justification based on how things worked out because she likes the way things have worked out. There's nothing here that says she could have enjoyed her life more for her entire adult life had she made different descisions.

IMO this is a case of over thinking based on other people's expectations that prevented her from having fulfilling relationships for a couple decades. I blame Disney for this, just because.

Glad shes happy now, hope it lasts.

Each person must make such a decision for themselves. The only one who can accurately answer that question is you. Do you feel you missed anything, now that you know what you know? Does it seem that it might have been better if you allowed physical intimacy sooner? It's not an easy answer, not being able to actually compare, but that's the only way to do it and you're the only one who knows.

only you can answer that question. Hopefully you picked the right one.

Congrats honey

Yes! I am extremely happy hearing this!

As long as she is happy with the way things turned out she will be fine. And it seems like she is happy. She is a solid relationship and having a child. Hope she has happiness the rest of her life.

Sounds like she wanted to be sure of her self and could trust her own emotions before she wanted to move forward ,Takes a strong person to resist temptation and stay on the path they set out to journey ,She can be proud of her self in this respect but on the other there is so much of life she may have missed out on and may regret it in the future ,no right or wrong but what is good for you