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When someone says they will do something but don't ... How do you respond when it's family?

By Gozer4
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I never count on anybody. Blood doesn't mean anything

AtheistLJ Level 5 Mar 30, 2018

Pretty much of blood like you call it are less likely to help you out. Most of the time and as you age friends can be a good source to count on. And being older means your real family has passed on and even having people for a short time in your life is something memorable for us all.


I find most people including family say things they never intend to do. I was told a long time ago from a friend that she never met anyone like me. When I say I will do it I do it. I have gone out of my way for many people. Over time it does get exhausting. Rolling out the red carpet like I call it gives them the trust that they want and need. For who can one rely on but only ourselves, when truly to exist in this lifetime we need the kindness of another.


I never speak to them again because their words mean nothing.


Return the favor and wait for them to say something.

Clare Level 7 Mar 30, 2018

I pretty much don't expect much from anyone anymore ,and if it happens it's a plus..

Buddha Level 7 Mar 30, 2018

I write them off and ignore them in t he future


It will only happen once
the second time just remind him the first one

Rosh Level 7 Mar 31, 2018

Happens all the time. Saying something is useless.

EdEarl Level 8 Mar 30, 2018

There could be reasons why people are like that. Maybe they are just trying to hard to stay up in a conversation, maybe they have good intentions but in reality they are a procrastinator, some people just over commit. I try to be understanding of the reason so I'm not mad about it. Just next time I don't put much faith in what that person says. It probably wasn't a malicious thing to not do it.some people have attention deficits that keeps them from getting much of anything they intend to do done. I'm the type to do what I said I will do but I don't expect everyone to be like me.

Jameson Level 7 Mar 30, 2018

I'm used to it


Daughter-in-law, passive aggressive & loathe to be honest. The pattern is to make a promise- about Anything- then forget it or deliberately not do it because she really doesn't want to. I've been the caregiver for their kids for 5 years since they both work & are military so it is continually annoying/impotence-making. Latest: mentioned I hadn't found rechargable c batteries for their toy, she said she'd buy them online, I asked twice about it over 2 weeks, 2nd time she said they had enough electronics & she didn't really want to. ???? I asked if it was okay for me to buy them online. Nuts. I wish she could honestly Address the Issue, but it's been her modus operandi in life to always Look good but do what it takes whereas I am always straightforward, always honest. We make a terrible pair.

settled Level 3 Mar 30, 2018

Really depends on the who and what.
If it's a common occurrence and the family member adds nothing but stress and agrivation to your life... Cut 'em out
Be polite at family gatherings, but otherwise limit association.
If it's a one time thing and the relationship is otherwise solid, give them another chance.

scurry Level 8 Mar 30, 2018

I think it depends on if it's the norm or something unusual. If it's the norm I figure that's the type of person they are. I usually put little effort into the relationship. If its not the norm, I will try to find out why. There could be something in their life that maybe they are trying to work through and maybe they need more help than you do. It could be a lack of effort on your part that they are putting less effort on you. Then again maybe they are changing. I think it comes down to, how important are they to you.


I really don't have much of a relationship with any family that lives outside of my home. If it is my husband or sons I have no problems with letting them know that they didn't do what they said they would. I don't really expect much from the rest of the world, family included.


Same as anyone else. When you've gotten your bellyfull of their bullshit, you cut 'em loose. With NO remorse.

KKGator Level 9 Mar 30, 2018

I just stop relying or depeding on them. There are usually some faily members on which you just can't rely on in every family.

snytiger6 Level 9 Mar 31, 2018

My family always does exactly what they say they'll do. My kids aren't like that though.

Whenever my daughter told me she was going to meet me somewhere, for instance, I simply changed it in my mind to her saying that she'd LIKE to meet me somewhere, but not necessarily.


Humans do it all the time. Mankind! Why requires response from me?


Put a hit out on them

Rudy1962 Level 9 Mar 30, 2018

That is the norm for me, I just ignore when they say it to begin with. My son is the only person who has not let me down, he always does what he says, my daughter has good intentions, but if a better offer comes up? And my birth family, well, I just hope and pray they are not my birth family. Oh hang on, I am an atheist, I hope they are not my birth family.

Rugglesby Level 8 Mar 30, 2018

@rugglesby smile002.gif


The correct thing to do is bring it to their attention. Let them know how you feel about it. What you expect from them. Bring everything out in the open for them to see. It's their choice how they react. What they say and do is about them, not you. As long as you did things correctly. This is what a good friend or family member should do. No dysfunction.

Beatnik Level 7 Mar 30, 2018

I never expect to rely on anything my brother says , until it actually happens . I ignore his promises/offers until they actually occur . That way I don't get hurt , and when he does pull through , I am very pleasantly surprised .

Cast1es Level 8 Mar 30, 2018

I gently remind them. As many times as necessary.

Deb57 Level 8 Mar 30, 2018
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