I generally just listen to what they say and comfort them with hugs and allow them to express themselves in any manner they like. I wait on them with good food and drink because it's food that can soothe the mind and body.

I don't think anything you say can be of comfort, honestly. If they believe in an after life already, they will feel whatever comfort that brings even if you don't say anything about it. And if they aren't believers already, someone promising eternal life isn't likely to resonate with them and provide solace. I think there are things you can do to help ease their burden during such a difficult time, but I don't think you can take their pain away.

Yes that's a hard sell lol.

I use to think like that once,but have I have come round to believing that this is not the actual case. Depends how you view life,personally I have been persuaded by what I have experienced and read that we are not separate from the universe ,we are just part of it, same as everything else around here,rocks trees clouds etec,etc
. We ARE part of this universe, like it or not and we have a part to play in its running .As someone quoted to me," we as individuals are actually the ocean in drop, not a drop in the ocean".So we are really all part of the same thing, not separeate entities as we tend to think in the western world. Life /death is part of a deal,we know not why but it is natural and everything is as it should be. I used to judge life on my terms too but once you stop doing that it's quite a pleasant view to have.I tend to feel everything is alright regardless of how it appears .i.e good,bad,evil. We can only affect how we as individuals behave to one another and the rest of the planet.So just be kind, listen to what the bereaved have to say,talk about there loved one, that's all they need to hear. Just listening and sharing some time and concern is great as it means you are sharing the memory of a person. It is quite a natural part of the grieving process,so by just doing this you will be helping a fellow sole in discomfort ,that is all you need do. So you can be of more help than you imagine,.(Obviously don't go on about flesh rotting away and pointlessnes of life,even if thats what you feel.)..hopefully one day you will be able to see things in a personally more inspiring way.

For me we are just going back to where we came from or going to where it was always intended we are meant to be going,I find that far more comforting than what I used to believe in...not that that was the reason I changed my mind but it is a great side benefit! We are more than the sum of our parts for sure and the mystery can be quite a comfort too .So relax a bit about it all enjoy the ride.

I lost my wife to suicide 5 years ago. With counseling and support groups I've come to terms with it. I've learned there's no right or wrong way to grieve and the best thing you can do for someone is be there for them. Help any way you can but listen to see what they need.

You comfort by being there willingly. You listen to the memories intently. You give hugs when they want them (you'll know).

Don't try to stop them from crying, fidgeting, and incessant cleaning. Don't jump every time they move. Just be there willingly and use your intuition instead of logic.

Don't lie but don't lecture. Most of all, be there willingly.

About all one can do is to give the person a big hug and tell them that you are sorry for their loss. One should also remind them that the memories they hold of the person are theirs and that those will be with them while they live. I have also told them that the person lives on in two senses: (1) through their DNA in their progeny, (2) and in the things they did to influence the lives of other people.

"MICHELE NORRIS, host:

Commentator Aaron Freeman isn't a person who does much planning ahead. However, if you like to look ahead to the future, he has some advice for you, advice on planning your funeral.

AARON FREEMAN:

You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.

And at one point you'd hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.

And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.

And you'll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they'll be comforted to know your energy's still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you're just less orderly. Amen.

(Soundbite of music)

NORRIS: Aaron Freeman is a writer and performer. He lives in Chicago.

(Soundbite of music)

MELISSA BLOCK (Host): You're listening to ALL THINGS CONSIDERED from NPR News."

Just listen and share memories and their contribution to making your life just that little bit better. Helping someone grieve is not the time to discuss beliefs. In my opinion.

You just say "remember them how they were at their best and treasure those memories". The only place the dead live on is in our hearts and occasionally in some history books