Nothingness has always been the most difficult concept for me with respect to aethism. It is both terrifying and strangely reassuring at the same time. Is suicide cowardice or the epitome of courage? Only you can decide.

I've been there a few times, but I always had that feeling that things would get better. My niece attempted suicide 3 times, and we kept hoping she would get better, tried to get her help, but she finally succeeded. It's a tragedy that I wouldn't wish on any family.

Indeed I have

If you commit suicide you'll probably live to regret it.

Nope, I don't think I have those cells in my brain. I've had my share of whatever but the idea has never crossed my mind.... Not at all

Yes... on occasion.

Paul, I've been through several bouts of depression and even though it is part of every questionnaire, like you, I've NEVER wanted to take my own life.
It can be difficult to get the propoer diagnosis because of it but you need to find the right doctor (if you,re in the USA, I'm sorry). Unfortunately, the DSM seems to accord a lot of importance to this question and can't seem to get past its Xtian bias.
My primary recommendation would be to get outside and walk (or run). Physical activity is a proven antidepressant and walking outside (even in the rain) costs nothing.
Good luck!

I have never felt suicidal. But I've had an experience with a person who was suicidal that haunts me. I had a next door neighbor years ago who had just lost his father to cancer and his girlfriend recently dumped him. He had been struggling with drug addiction as long as i'd known him. He dropped out of high school. He lived with his mother and she was struggling to help him. One night he was outside in their front yard and struck up a brief conversation with me as i finished my nightly run. I was surprised he even talked to me because I was roughly his mother's age. I asked him how he was handling everything and he said "I'm mad at the whole world. Don't be surprised if you find out I did something about it". I thought his words were all too cryptic and angry for me to respond constructively. I also didn't feel i was in a position to help being just a neighbor. So I said something pathetic like hang in there things will get better and I went home. The next morning as I was walking to my car I saw him hanging in their front yard tree. I had to knock on their front door to wake his mom with the terrrible news. She was utterly crushed. She moved away within a few weeks of his death. That was 20 some years ago. I carry guilt around to this day that I didn't do something better to change this outcome. It's tough when you get trapped in that cycle of woulda, shoulda, coulda. I was just a disinterested neighbor and this event created a small black hole in me. Imagine what it would do to a family member. I have the utmost repect for people who work in a job that deals with this kind of thing regularly. I couldn't do it...i hope this story serves to let everyone who reads it know how much gravity you have and how loved you are by everyone.

Absolutely, I’ve suffered with severe depression since puberty. It wasn’t until adulthood that I was treated and will probably be on medication for the rest of my days but without it I’m making plans and trying to find the least hurtful way to end my suffering. Not the least painful way, the least hurtful to others (including the paramedics dealing with my body after). I can’t bear to bring that pain to my mother or sister or friends so I do seek help when I know I can’t hold out. Unfortunately, monthly hormone spikes send me beyond what my regular meds can handle and so I do still get that heartache almost every month for up to two days. Sometimes having to put myself on suicide alert for an evening or a day. I’m a very positive and smiley person minus two days out of the month or if I don’t have meds. But I learned my lesson to be meticulous about taking those little blue pills. ? Like I told my prescribing psychiatrist, I don’t want to live at that point but I want to want to live. It’s the physical toll that severe depression has on my body that usually brings me to that dreadful place. The best way I can describe the physical pain is like having the flu (tired aching muscles) exhaustion and heartbreak at the same time for weeks on end. My body just feels too heavy to carry at some point and I just want to rest or be free from the heartache. Exercise doesn’t feel possible at that level of exhaustion but I can manage to put some music on and try to wiggle about. ? Endorphins released during the exercise has helped me get through some of the lows. Hoping you wiggle your way back to normalcy soon Paul. hugs

I've fought with the idea recently while going through issues with my wife. It has killed me emotionally dealing with the problems we have been facing. Mostly the fact of losing her. The only thing that keeps me going is my children. I don't want them to grow up asking my wife why I gave up on them and I want to see them grow up period. I can't do that to them.

A touchy subject. And probably more common than The Powers That Be would care to admit. I regard it as an insurance policy. If everything truly goes to shit, then I've got Plan B sorted. But, in the absence of that, I'll keep slogging at Plan A. I have to say, though, I almost checked out in February 2017. The hardest thing? Writing that note. Yeah, The Note. I mean, what do you say? What don't you say? Seriously, the idea of going to work with that boxcutter was easy compared to writing the damned thing. Maybe my guardian angel was rostered on that day; I don't know. All I know is that I climbed out of that bath tub, burned The Note to ashes and got on with things. That doesn't mean the prospect does not lurk in the background; once you've opened that door, even just a crack, I don't think it ever goes away.

I gonna do it. I have a lot of pain & a brain tumor. When I start to go blind will be the time. The tumor will kill me soon after. So, I figure I'd just help it along. Some people don't understand, but it's not their business. I'm ok with it. My life's been alright. I've been ready to go for a while and it's ok.

Don't panic? It starts out by talking about it Paul. Get some seroquil before it gets worse.

no, same reason as your last sentence.
I aint wasting it, it is the only life I have, I for to be here, I am here, I will fight to stay here for my allotted time.
Hang in there man, always sunshine after rain, laughter after pain just as you have eluded to, good/better times ahead.

Paul, my advice is: Go to Mexico.

Have a look here: [en.wikipedia.org]

(You need to scroll down a long way but there are two long lists and both have the USA pretty high up and Mexico much lower.)

Better yet, go to Jamaica - practically nobody thinks about suicide there.

Yes, when in the depths of despair of a horrible marriagel. The only thing that kep me from committing suicide was that I did not want my daughters to be ashamed of me.

I have wondered about it. Not seriously though as in taking pills to kill myself instantly. It is more like, "what would drive me to do this."

Unfortunately, suicide has happened on my Dad's side of the family.

Not until I read this. Joking

A lot of people feel suicidal at some stage in their life and for most people there is help available with drugs, counselling, or trying to change the aspect of their life that makes them feel like this. I think it is a real tragedy when a young person ends their life as it seems such a waste and there is always the feeling that maybe something could have been done to help. But for older people, I think it is up to them to decide when they have had enough. I think we should be able to choose when we die and be enabled to do it peacefully, painlessly and with dignity. (See my ebook 'The Ladies Suicide Club'

I currently feel that way, Paul. but i'm the same as you: I wouldn't go all the way in action, because as long as I have the energy to pro-actively do mortal harm to myself, there is also enough energy to bear the pain that little bit longer - until it abates. or in other words: i'd have to be miles-down depressed in order to wish my self dead - but then I wouldn't have the energy.

but yeah, currently i'm at a real low again. at times I flow with it, or rather let it flow out of me; at other times I just watch it & am overwhelmed.

wishing us all more love

Psychological pain is close to physical pain... Without wanting to take antidepressants i've found Tylenol and advil somewhat help when I too start wanting to die even though I really want to live to see my kids grow up.

Every single day for years. Made several attempts in the past, but obviously failed, ended up in psych wards subjected to ableist laws and policies, maltreatment, etc. Physician assisted death was decriminalized around that time here (Canada), but the laws that were put in place to replace it are far more restrictive than the court ruling. So now I'm waiting for progress on changes to eligibility for people without terminal conditions or suffering from mental conditions. The treatment I got last time I was admitted left me with new PTSD triggers, flashbacks, etc. so I'm hoping I'll become eligible soon so I won't be forced to try again myself and risk their abuse again.

I have never been suicidal. I have, however, experienced depression. I have taken 150 mg of effexor for the last 15 years. The drug does what it is intended to do. I no longer experience the lows associated with a chemical imbalance in my brain.