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Hello Everyone,

If someone was without enough food or support and did not have enough money to feed themselves or their potential kid, is it rude or unethical to tell them their "child" is just a fetus and it is perfectly acceptable to get an abortion? A woman in an online group is asking for support, and the father abandoned her, she will have limited help from her mother, and she cannot afford to even feed herself healthy foods at the moment. That is already hard during the best of times, but she is trying to do this during a pandemic to boot! The cards seem stacked against her in every way, regardless of how sad the thought of an abortion makes her.

I feel like it is selfish and irresponsible to bring a new baby into such dire circumstances and within a pandemic. I think her decision is guided by her stupid religious beliefs, as I do not think she would be so against abortion were she not religious. I know what it is like to grow up in poverty and be a child to an unprepared religious woman that just had me because she thought she had no choice. None of it is sweet and romantic, it is pretty crap.

What would you do? Would you let someone like this know that abortions or adoption are perfectly acceptable? Or would you only say such things to a friend or family member? Or would you not say anything to anyone? Did I do the wrong thing here? 😳

demifeministgal 8 May 25

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There is a third option, carry to term & adopt the child out. Adoptive parents can & will pay pregnancy costs & a nice "bonus". There are lawyers that specialize in this, reputable agencies as well. Could be a win-win!

I was about to point this out to.
However, I would also point out that in this day and age, with widely available contraception for both the male and the female, in the west at least there is no excuse for unwanted pregnancies.
When they do occur the blame falls squarely on the parents, both of them, as does the consequent responsibility.
When religion interferes with the use of contraception, family planning and support, the male and female parent should ignore religion in favour of responsible behaviour.
Should either potential parent refuse to do so, the other partner should simply refuse to participate or accept responsibility.

@LenHazell53 yes, Len,but shit happens & dealing with it has to take place.

@AnneWimsey You are correct of course.


I agree that it's an awful time and circumstance to have a child, and having been a struggling widow with a toddler, I know how rough it can be. I don't know the entire situation, or how close you are to her, but surely she knows about abortion options? So it seems you would mostly be working to un-indoctrinate her from her religious beliefs, and I'm not sure you have enough time to accomplish that. That said, the thing about "choice" is that each woman gets to choose for herself.

So perhaps your best option is to offer your support no matter what she decides to do going forward (if you feel you can do that), and make it clear that would include your acceptance of her having an abortion.


I have women friends who are abundantly enlightened, but still hold tightly to the anti-abortion stance for themselves. They really seem to believe that a clump of cells is the same as a living human being. Whoever came up with this false "abortion is murder" equivalence hit a jackpot.

The situation with your friend is a difficult one.


Thank you!!
A former partner was an alcoholic and the disease ran in her family (an uncle and her father). She would have been a great mother (except for the alcohol) but she decided she did not want to take a chance of making another human go through what she had and decided to not ever have a child. I have heard that during the global depression the US was one of the few countries in which the fertility rate actually went down. The other day I started to watch a series on genes and it showed a couple with one child. They wanted another and when the child was born she had a serious genetic health issue and only survived 18 months. Guess what; the couple tried again and they had another child also with the disease. What the hell is the matter with people????
When we give food to starving people no one considers the simple fact that if the family can't feed themselves why do they keep having kids. Sometimes feeding people actually make matters worse and the suffering is spread even further. Before giving money to food we should all require demand that people practice family planning.


I think it's perfectly acceptable and in her case a very good idea. An abortion of an unwanted fetus is an excellent option.
It hasn't been born! It doesn't even know it exists! Do YOU remember being in the womb? Of. course not.
In my opinion, it's no different than aborting a monkey fetus, or a lamb fetus, or any other fetus.
When abortion first became legal, many women had them without a second thought. It was only after over 50 years of anti-abortion propaganda women now go through such agonizing!
If a child is too expensive, or unwanted for ANY reason, why should it be FORCED on a woman? Abortion should be considered a form of birth control, nothing more, nothing less.
I'm agnostic, and my feeling is any god would either understand completely and have no problem with it, or is impersonal so not even aware of it, Religions believe the 'unborn baby' goes straight to heaven anyway, so in that case the woman is actually doing it a favor!
Urge this woman STRONGLY to terminate the pregnancy and get on with her life.

Her post was deleted. Someone said her account was a scam (it was created 11 days ago) and either she or admins removed it. I cannot tell her anything anymore. I could not even find her online with an alternate facebook account. I think "she" deleted her account. shrugs

@demifeministgal Fine. I hope I gave 'her' or 'them' plenty of material.

@Storm1752 No. I mean the facebook post. Not this post here on agnostic. I thought that was clear. My point was I couldn't tell said person what you told me cuz they disappeared. XD

@demifeministgal Oh. Okay.
What really bothers me is the 'powers-that-be,' that is, the super rich, are using these side issues, which are TOTALLY BOGUS, to manipulate whole voting blocs, whether it be boorish Evangelicals, clueless gun nuts, obnoxious flag wavers, or whomever, to vote against their obvious self-interests and for eternal servitude.
And they fix it so they think it's their idea!
Meanwhile the rest of us roll our eyes, shake our heads, and sigh.

@Storm1752 Well I am in Canada. So our evangelicals, happily, are not as vocal or politically powerful as they are in the states. Nor do we have HUGE swaths of gun nuts to contend with here. It helps that "gun rights" are not part of our Charter of rights and freedoms--- our constitution-- so people are not out protesting that gun ownership is their right with their guns in hand.

@demifeministgal Canadians are beneficiaries of a parliamentary system wherein power is more diffused and coalitions are very often required to assemble a governing majority. Much better. Compromise is absolutely mandatory and alliances are fluid and ever-changing.
Because Canadians are better represented and therefore treated, they are much nicer, saner people!😊
So, nothing 'genius' about our static, ossified, moribund and increasingly corrupt emerging theocratic oligarchy!
Luckily, Republicans haven't yet and may never mastermind a permanent majority, and keep messing up because their phony ideology keeps running into reality, so there's hope.


No matter what you say, she will act as she decides. So, kindly, point out her options (including giving the child up after it it is born, it is not just abortion or motherhood, ya know)


I don't know whether you did the right thing, as I don't know how her question - or your response - was phrased exactly.

But I see nothing wrong with stating an available option, if done kindly. Is this option indeed available, though? I am told that in some parts of the US, it is extremely difficult to access abortion services.

She's from Ontario, Canada and it is not as difficult to get abortions here.


She's asking for support. In my country she'd get it. I'd explore a lot of other options before presuming to know what's best for a pregnant young woman in your country. But if women only had children when conditions were optimal then only the rich would conceive and our species would be extinct by now.

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