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Why do some men believe when they are attracted to a woman, the woman must reciprocate?

This has always confounded me.

Hubris (excessive pride or self-confidence; arrogance) or delusional?

Exhibit A is a man who wants to drive 1,766 miles with his four dogs to meet me. Has he been rejected by every single woman in Minnesota?

"I don't allow dogs or cats in my home," I replied. "Four dogs on a trail are too many. Leashes are required. Not interested."

LiterateHiker 9 June 25
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19 comments

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1

I have three gotchas I am upfront about. No smoking, no drugs, and I am atheist. The second and third really cull my dating prospects. Even if I have a great conversation where we seem to think alike, the atheist part is a deal breaker.

I occasionally widen my search looking for more like minded people, but 1800 miles and my dogs can't be part of the family... not worth that drive (:

1

I have never heard of this in the real world. It's common in old Hollywood movies, but everyone knows it's just fantasy. Don't they?

3

I just had the same type of issue a couple days ago. A guy messaged me on a dating site and wanted to meet. He lives about an hour and a half away. I have just found that that's too far to have a relationship. And on top of that the two photos of himself were of a very grizzly huge ugly bearded unkempt man. Two of his pictures were of his dogs running around his house on filthy carpeting. No no no no. So I try to be nice and I tell him he's just too far away. He writes back that it's only a half hour away what's my problem? I tell him no he's an hour and a half away and over a hundred miles. Then he says well he's the one that's going to be doing the driving not me so what's my problem? So I tell him sorry, no, too far. then he gets kind of nasty and says well that's probably why you're still on this site then. And I wanted so bad to just say to him, no I'm just very picky about who I connect with. I know what I want and what I don't want. But decided it's just better to just quit answering him and cut it off. I've ran into issues like this a couple times. One guy I told eventually that we were just too far apart politically from what I read on his profile. Then he jumped in and started ranting and raving about me being one of those liberals who just wants to take everybody's freedom away and once everything my own way and...... It's enough to drive a woman to drink.

@crazycat329

Hilarious! Great description.

"It's enough to drive a woman to drink." And I bet you didn't even have the courtesy to thank them!

2

My twenty year old daughter once asked me a simular question...why older men were so sure she was just dying to have a relation with them, and were so insistant....I explained to her that most likely the men she was incountering were feeling very insecure..that religion had told them that women were supposed to be subservant to men, that likely their fathers had told them that men had to occasionaly take their women "in hand", and even that women didn't respect men that "couldn't handle" their woman...and they heard these things all their life. Now, their daughters were rebelling against his beliefs, his wife is demanding equal say in things, and even his Mother has adopted womens rights. His whole world has turned upside down. So when they come on strong, well hell, they're just trying to regain their manhood.

2

Nothing more than wishful thinking - which certainly does not obligate anyone to reciprocate.

And many people - especially those who are retired, have plenty of free time, and the money to travel at whim. So the idea of possibly meeting someone they like, is a good enough reason to take a trip. Nothing ventured - nothing gained.
I wouldn't lose sleep over it ...

2

Lots of hubris and delusional behavior to be found in both men and women.

True

2

the same reason some women feel the same way

That us true

2

Sounds like he was shopping for a dog caretaker with quite the trail of former caretakers...lol ugh huh? Lol
I have one dog, once had ten but the wife then was into sled dogs too.. mushing the upper peninsula of michigan. Woo hoo.

3

Maybe it is because they don't have any mirrors at home or that their mothers told them they are the most handsome of men/boys in the whole world and they are irresistible.

2

For me this has been a problem, but I can narrow it further. I have found that men think that because they are attracted to women much younger, that the women must reciprocate. I find it gross that even on this site I have been virtually approached by men more than 10, 20, and 30 years older. Not interested.

Nothing ventured ... nothing gained.

2

Sometimes it can be false hope. For example, there is a lady whom I'd really had loved to have got together with. I picked up on all of those little signals which indicated she at least liked me. But, the age gap is probably too great and there was a professional clash involved at the time. So I have to move on, or show that there is no fool like an old fool. However, many men won't or cannot think this sort of situation through. A friend of mine keeps getting into this situation, but with he doesn't seem understand that just because he wants a woman so very much, she is just being polite.
As for the real reasons, I'll have to get my psychology books off the shelf, but basically us men are programmed to mate and pass on our genes.

And some of the fuel for that reproductive fire must be that more than a few of us males stay fertile to an advanced age.

3

most men are so into them selves ,that they just do not know how to act towards women in the real world,still treat them as objects who should be greatful for any attention they get and could not care less about there first impression or even think about it,it is all about them. They go on looks only and it seems they are not interested in getting to know the person first

2

there are many females the same way . Results are the same someone on a hunt. These are the same people you find in a bar etc hounding the heck out of someone, not taking no for an answer.

2

Desperation, misunderstanding of your willingness to chat with him, delusional, a mix of all of these. He may think that because you have a similar atheistic worldview you are a match in every area.

4

Likely one or more of:
-He's desperate.
-Bad case of male privilege. Hates the me too movement, and anything that makes him earn his place, rather than just be gifted it
-He is insecure. This is especially true of the after they are declined who comment "Well I didn't want you anyway."

8

I hear you. I’ve just not answered a message at all, only to get verbal abuse for ‘not even saying hello’. And some, when I politely express I’m not interested, ‘well your(sic) not my type anyway you ugly bitch’. 🙄
Some folks are just free-range assholes.

I had the same thing happen last year. A woman had sent a brief introduction , while I was on vacation with my kids, sans cell phones. I get home to the initial 2 line message she had sent....and a three page cussing out she had sent...after waiting a whole 2 days on a response. 🙄😄

@wolf041 You dodged a bullet!
I call those, impulse control/delayed gratification problems, which are NOT MY PROBLEM. 😁 If they lose it that bad over not getting a message back, just imagine what dating them must be like!😱😱😱

@CarolinaGirl60 a yeah...can you say self centered control freak 😄

2

Well Kathleen, I have 4 dogs and 2 cats. If we ever have lunch I'll leave them at home.,

I have no pets by choice, I have no woman by choice and for pretty much the same reason.

1

It is called "lack of empathy." Or, I know I am so great they would would be [some disparaging word] to not find me the greatest human you have ever met. I will stop the shit now.

1

Holy crap! Red flag!!

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