Abuse takes many forms. It's not just hitting someone.

Sounds like you suffered from PTSD but never got treatment.

Glad you’re now finally feeling free. It’s unfortunate too, that most times after a toxic relationship it will reduce one’s tolerance for the next person in our lives, perhaps undeserved.

Yeah, I sometimes think it would be easier for me if I had been widowed. There is someone out there that looks like someone I loved, and I can't trust her at all. I think it hurts my dating, because its obvious I still care, but hard to get across.. I can't trust her, don't respect her and see no path she is on that would change that.

Thanks for sharing. I have felt similar about my ex-wife although I do miss her dearly. I like to be in control of things and she had this same desire. I'm more at peace now. Idiots that I work with tried without results to "get me to hate her." It did not work and might be because she is black and they do not like that idea.

I am glad your peace has arrived. It's unfortunate you had to wait for her to die to truly be rid of her.

I had terrible nightmares about my abusive first husband from AL showing up in CT & killing my entire family, with whom I was living with my toddler daughter. He died, and the nightmares stopped, until I agreed to take our daughter to see her grandparents in AL, and they continued, horribly, to be constant both before & during the visit. I think I also had what is now called PTSD, completely with "duck reflex", for decades. Trauma of any kind can be overwhelming!

I don't remember having any dreams about any ex.

Toxic people can have a long-lasting effect on us.

One or two of them will, on occasion, pop up in my dreams.
So far, at least in the dreams I can remember after waking, I've had the chance to
tell them off a time or two.
The dreams are becoming far fewer, and I've determined that they've been worth
their weight in gold.
A whole lot cheaper than therapy, that's for damned sure.

Possible spousal behavior changes might be attributed to chemical changes or Brain Tumors, was your late wife scanned, or had MRI work?

Rip..... Enjoy your life

in many ways this is a post that I could have written. fortunately I was tipped off by therapist as I sat in the waiting room for my future ex's therapy session to be over. i was handed an overly folded two or three pages of photocopies which described borderline personality disorder. I was given instructions to read it and throw it away, never letting my wife see it. it was the beginning of a different end than the one that I had imagined. that therapist probably saved my life.

It sounds like it was a really toxic situation to be in. Good for you for being able to break the cycle of abuse and being able to separate yourself from the situation. I'm sorry the psychological toll lingered.

I'm happy to hear that you've gotten the peace you sought out so many years ago. Abusive from relationships (unfortunately) doesn't always end when the relationship ends. It sounds like you were finally able to let go of the anxiety you were carrying.

I wish you a lifetime of sweet dreams!

It's called the subconscious mind, it can be controlled. You chose not to for too long.

Wow!

Hey your profile says you were in Germany at the height of the cold war, I was too. But I've noticed that the definition of when the "height" of it was varies 20 years by different definitions. I was there in the 80's, with Gorbachov and Reagan waving their dicks at each other and we were at our peak of weapons deployment. But I know other folks who put it more around the late 50's and 60's.