Funny story maybe but this story is most likely sad. 4 years ago when my ex and me split I was still going thru the downs. Hopped on a dating website, met someone and went out on a date. She invited me in and said sit on the couch with me and we'll watch TV. After about 15 minutes she told me about her new electric bed she got, had me go ahead and lay down, then she laid next to me. So..I was tired and told her I had to go home , I had to work the next day. I left and went home to bed. When driving to work the next day I had an Epiphany about what happened last night..DOH!!. Called her in a few days but she had moved on to more fertile pastures. Divorce is a bitch.

A couple of days ago someone who's been asking me out before my husband was cold in the box (a mutual friend) caught me off guard with a call 'what was I doing right now"-he'd "won" tickets to a new movie. I found myself acquiescing to sort of 'get this out of the way' as a friend date.

The time of the show had us being on the road, with me driving, across town in rush hour.
Me: "Oh no rush hour"
Him: "Hey good company to talk on the way"
...com/reality . He's charging his phone and on it the whole time!

We arrive, to this wonky closed parking lot during the witching hour, it's super busy. Took me 10 minutes to find a for pay parking slot. No biggie but he's a back seat driver "this time you're going to listen to me".... uh ok.
I find a spot.
He's off in the distance fiddling with the meter, the wind is kicking up with a storm coming in (I don't always go on dates but when I do there's a storm gonna happen LOL)
So he's having issues feeding the meter with his debit card?, so I walk up, dig in my purse and pay the meter.
Me being somewhat of a 'phobe grab my alcohol spray bottle to hazmat my hands.
Before I realized what happened hear this "AAHHHHHH!!!!"
The wind blew spray droplets in his eye.
Through profuse apologies I couldn't help laughing to the point of pissing myself a little (it was a long trip across town ok).

The rest of this "date" went no better. Not only did I drive (no problem) but at the concessions in the land of the $5 bottle of water he orders a giant rootbeer & popcorn. No mention of "splitting". He lets me dig in my purse and pay for that too. Huge ding no thank you forthcoming fore nor aft.

Whilst in said theater he manages to spill 1/2 his popcorn on sitting down. Then a guy he recognizes sits next to him & is chatting him up. To the other guy's credit he introduces himself. LOL

It's pouring cats and dogs on the way home, no biggie, but then the guy is interested in the pizza I'd ordered for my girl while being out. Instead I stop at a bar & grill where by some miracle he pays for the entrees, but I cover the tip.

Pretty sure hell is going to freeze over before we go out again... LOL

I have never been on an actual date.

Back when I was 18, I had a little comedy routine I used to recite about how some names are very posh, and the characteristics of people with those names. One name I especially targeted was Virginia.

Anyway, at the time I was dating somebody who was very posh indeed - we're talking "vast country house with stables" posh here, and several members of the family had aristocratic titles. The first time I was invited to attend a family dinner, I was naturally very nervous and had a couple too many glasses of (very, very expensive) wine, then launched into the posh names routine.

Now, I was 18; like the majority of teenagers I wasn't very funny, but the routine generally got a laugh or two. Not this time, however - it went down like a lead balloon. When I finished, my date's father said "My wife is named Virginia."

So I drank more wine. An hour or so later, I tripped over my own feet while in the bathroom and, trying to stop myself falling, grabbed hold of the no doubt very valuable Victorian washbasin - which separated from the brackets attaching it to the wall and smashed to pieces on the floor.

I thought of another one. I was talking to a woman online. She invited me to the bar. When I got there she was completely drunk. She was trying to play pool. She kept crawling on the pool table. The bouncer said to me, "You need to keep your woman in line.". I kept telling him she was not "my woman". After that I got the hell out of there.

One time, this girl tried to kiss me on a date. After discovering she wasn't nearly my type, I really wasn't attracted to her at all, and had to dodge the kiss. When she left my car is when I decided to have the laugh over it.

Dated a girl a while and we both at that point had college jobs at the UK Automobile Association. When taking calls you would ask people for thier membership number.. One drunken night fuelled by who knows what (i was much younger and more stupid unbelievably), we got into sleepy half woken drunk sex in bed - the sort that starts when both asleep.. Neither of us was awake or really functioning. As i got down to "going in" (lol how do you say this shit i dunno) she ask's, "excuse me sir may i have your membership number? You have to give your membership number before you can get service!" .. I was like WTF is going on here this is truly bizzaire and feeling frustrated after it went on for a while .. Then eventually it clicked .... On about the fourth time of being refused service by the AA (apparently not even my date), I exclaimed, "6356 7825 9015 9274" ... And blam ... there is was lmfao...

After 5 years of remission I got back into the dating scene late last year. Signed up for Match.com and several men contacted me. A guy seemed interesting - his pictures attractive. We agreed to meet at Pawtuckaway Tavern for lunch, a former customer of mine owned the place and I felt comfortable there. I'm sitting on a bench in front of the restaurant outside and its a little chilly. I see a familiar looking face. It's my old friend Bob fromMeetup.com that I haven't seen in 3 years. We used to meet as a Cocktail Group at this girl's condo and one night Bob had given me a ride home. We both laughed and went in for lunch and wine at the bar. I had a small crush on him but he was attracted to a much younger girl who came with me. He was older than me -about 70. Didn't know he was dying his hair black. Didn't recognize his pics on Match. Anyways we started talking about ourselves and Bob revealed that he frequented these swinger couple clubs and did I get into that lifestyle? Realizing we were not a match we said our goodbyes, two old friends hugged and went their separate ways.

I made a trip from D.C. to South Carolina back in the day but I got catfished before the term was even used. She told me that she was a sexy big girl but in reality looked like a gorilla.

After my divorce, and not really ready to date (but not really realizing that yet), I went to the movies with a nice fellow, and went to the restroom at some point... and promptly had a panic attack. Very embarassing, although I can laugh about it now.

The guy checking his phone to arrange his 'next' date during ours!