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"I brought my father with me":... My father was a Republican all his life and he passed away in 1980 before he was as old as I am now. I was never a Republican and he would consider himself a Conservative, and I was, of course a Liberal and as such we never saw eye to eye on many things, but he never tried to stop me from going my way except for dis-allowing me to get a "Flat top" haircut in 1959. He and I rarely discussed politics and, while he was an avid golfer, I was hopeless and uninterested in golf. He would take me to the Country Club to dine, being served by the "colored boys", of whom he at least was a generous tipper. He was a man of his times (born, 1907) but this picture is the only one I have of him and me together, and I cherish it. Note the difference in apparel! When I think of him and our strained relationship, two things come to mind. One is the song "I Brought my Father With Me", by Mike Smith, which always makes me cry, and the other is the film "I Never Sang for my Father" starring Melvyn Douglas and Gene Hackman, made a year or two before this photo was taken. I always thought we were so different but since he died, I often hear myself talking and find myself exhibiting the same mannerisms, like misplacing or losing things, that it is almost frightening.I never even questioned him about what life was like for him when he was my age He was more generous than I, but he always tried to see the point of view of others and live by the "Golden Rule", as do I. It is something he instilled in me that caught on, although he was an avid Christian and I am an Agnostic. How I would like to discuss with him what's happening today! I know we would finally agree on something.

fishline79 7 Aug 23
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19 comments

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2

What an excellent post! Thank you! I find myself wondering the same exact things at times. Though I think my father was an Independent... I believe he voted Democrat most of the time. I am sure my mom did. They pushed me to research what was important to me but, more importantly, what I felt would be right for the country, state, county, town, etc. I too am a moderate Independent. I have voted for both parties equally depending on where I have lived and what I felt was needed there.

I find myself thinking about me being the age of my father now. I am 58 and he died at 62... Too short a life. My mom went on to live until she was 84... Never having a partner again in her life. I wonder if both of them felt as I do... In my head I am still about 35 but with more wisdom. My body is failing gradually with age. Arthritis is creeping in and I am definitely feeling older and approach life a bit more cautiously now that I have discovered the box of Kryptonite and realize I am not bulletproof anymore.

You have me now wanting to go through all the pictures I have and finding one of me and my dad together.

There are a few songs that remind me of my dad... Several 70's hits that I would play over and over on the jukebox as a kid at the local pizza place he would take us to. But Old Man by Neil Young is probably the closest to my heart.

I am now the exact age my father was when he passed away. I was in Europe at the time and didn't get home fast enough to say goodby. Life is strange!

0

The Golden Rule is the best, only real important thing to instil in children. Good on you and your father for leading by example and leaving that indelible impression.

Mvtt Level 7 Aug 23, 2020

He dragged me to Sunday School and Church every Sunday and because of that, and my love of music, I remember many hymns and can even recite verses from the Bible, like my favorite, Corinthians 1,
Chapter 13. (I'm a poet ). But the one tenet I took with me from all that exposure to religion was the "Golden Rule". That's all anybody needs, the rest is just "window dressing"!

2

Thank you for sharing. I lost my father in 1980. He was only 55. I miss him
every day.

Do you also see him in yourself as Mike Smith wrote about? I think we all do and it adds to the guilt of not listening to your parents when you were young.

@fishline79 I did listen to both of my parents. We grew up in a very racist homophobic town in the 50s and 60s. I said the "N" word once in elementary school in front of my dad. At that age I had no idea what that word was about. That was the last time I used that word. Neither one of my parents were perfect, but they were decent human beings who taught us about fairness and a proper idea of right and wrong, and to stand up and speak out against injustice. I see our father in my brother. I see more of our mother in me. I miss them both all of the time.

@Sticks48 Thanks for the anecdote.

@fishline79 You are welcome.

7

Thank u for typing this . And for the pic .
I feel every word u typed . Smile . Your dad is always w u in your mind . And this is a good thing for u ♥️.
Mine lives in the back seat of my car since 2008. He can hear me cuss at traffic , and he drinks coffee w me at breaks at work . He is my best friend , dead or alive , he was a mother and a father , a socialist and an atheist , and the most generous human I have ever met , time , emotions , and goodies ways . He was smart and weird , a bit eccentric and a definitely ahead of his time . On nowdays , I find self advising the younger ones , starting phrases with “ well , my father used to say ..”.
Pass the goodness of your father on to the next humans . That’s all we got , share 🙌🙌♥️♥️

What a wonderful and unusual anecdote. Does he really literally live in the car, or was that a metaphor?

@fishline79 he lives in my thoughts and mind . I drive a lot to work and back , and through tunnels and bridges . W coffee . And music . And I go through the thoughts of “ what the hell happen yesterday “, or “ who knows what tonight will bring “ w a little help from my dad , just driving and thinking .
If he was alive , he won’t sit at front , not the ways I drive in traffic 😂. That I know . So I like to joke myself , and say that he lives on the back seat .

3

You just wrote about me and my Dad, minus the golfing. did a lot of bank fishing because he never bought a boat. he always talked about doing it though. Lots of good conversations. Moved back to Longview TX where he had retired to. My Mom died the day i was headed there from Tulsa. WE had lots of time together. I sat beside his bed at home while he took his lasy breathes. Nothing prepares you for that.

At least you were there and you had conversations. I envy you that.

3

I think your dad seems to be an honorable man no matter of his conservative convictions. He was just a product of his time.

Well he was not the "Conservative of today". I suppose you could say he was a "compassionate Conservative. The one political discussion I do remember was about Trade Unions. He thought Unions were Left-Wing and, when they started out they were, so when at that time I said they were Right Wing (as I think they had become, money not altruism became the guiding objective) he was surprised to hear me say that, but I think he was inclined to agree! I since have decided that, in a way we were both right, it was all a matter of chronological context. I still think they are necessary and, of course their fundamental basis is Socialism. Only since Reagan have the come to be nearly as important as they were in the 1890s!

4

Thanks for posting this (tear in my eye)

twill Level 7 Aug 23, 2020

I'm sure you have your reasons.A tear session is often cathartic and comforting.

3

I think many of us try to be opposite of what we saw as parental failures. It's what my brother and I have done. We've each taken it in differing directions. There were some good qualities in our folks but entirely too many bad ones. We still love them but sometimes they make it difficult.

I talked to a young lady the other day, a complete stranger. We were discussing the perfidy and depravity of Trump and she agreed, but she said could not even discuss it with her parents! This is very sad, but I assured her that she holds the moral ground. I am sure that doesn't make her feel any better about such a family schism. I wonder how often this happens today.

4

Beautiful story of your and your father! Mine was born in 1910 and was also a republican. It was a different republican party then. My father was progressive for his time as he would say that you vote for who is best an not who is in your party. He also would say that insurance is legalized organized crime which is as relevant today as it was back in his day!

You are, of course, right when you "overstate" that it is not the same as today's "so-called" Republicans. As I say as I have said many times, that party no longer exists except for some hold-outs like the Lincoln Project but I really think the entire party, (the name of which Trump has actually said he wants to exchange for his own ) has its roots in the "Jim Crow South" All you have to do is listen to the Senate Judicial Community members speak to know they are all Southerners and their fathers were probably Democrats, (Republicans being the "party of Lincoln). They would like to bring the entire country back to the good ol' days of Dixie, when everybody was a God fearing "lynching" Christian! By the way, your father was right about the Insurance Companies. It is a form of usery that goes back thousands of years, and, today organized crime would be a good analogy . I guess you could say the same about government, but I Don't like thinking what we would do without either!

0

Fathers are either good or bad, maybe a few in between!!!

I have found and seen most fathers care too be judgmental and harsh towards their children.

You seen to be somewhat lucky in your relationship with your father?

Fathers are products of their parents, hence to have so many traits or is it too many mannerisms of their fathers who were dominant within the family, there are a lot of dominant mothers who created good and some create overt havoc for their children!!!

I'm sure I'm not the first to say that people should have a license to be parents. I don't attempt to pass judgement in people who have not had adequate preparation but just relate my own experience to prove a moral point. Nevertheless I am well aware that more and more children are being raised by incompetents, and yes, I do feel lucky and empathise with those who do not. Mr Rittenhouse the 17 yr. old shooter is surely one of them!

5

Lovely picture of you and your dad. Thanks for sharing your thoughts about him with us. Now I'm going to go and find that song.

You would do yourself a favor. In case you are interested, I have a Page on Facebook (yeah, I'm sorry, but I try to do it well.) titled "Simplicity in Musical Art" which I invite everybody to follow. I come from a generation when often Performers took charge of their own music, which unfortunately no longer is the case. I feel sorry for those who are brought up to listen to Catie Perry and Molly Cyrus. I had Bonny Rait and Tracy Nelson! Anyway check it out. I post what I think is the best music of the 20th Century (and sometimes 19th) of all genres.

@fishline79 I’m not on Facebook so don’t know if I could look at your page. I will give it a try and see what they allow me to see. Thanks for sharing.😉

@Redheadedgammy Facebook has it's problems but I find that if you carefully choose your friends, you can learn a lot and share your feelings with like-minded people, and as for me, I can share my music and art without it being interfered with by politics. Also, among my "friends" religion is virtually never mentioned.

9

You and he were fortunate, some of us were more disappointing to our Dads than you were.

3

And I'm certain he would be proud of you.

Thanks, I think so too.

4

Your dad sounds like a great guy. My dad was one too. We saw eye to eye on politics but my father was much more conciliatory than I am. He was a nicer guy than me. You probably are too. I'm an angry cuss but I've mellowed out in my old age. Beautiful pic of you and dad. He shaped the guy you are. I know Lemoyne. My old girlfriend lived in Mechanicsburg. I live in Philly. I see you went to PCA. I'm Joe. Good to know you.

Funny, I just saw a car up here with a "Univ. of the Arts" bumper sticker. I loved living in downtown Philly, especially when I had a bicycle. It was 1960s. and Society Hill was under reconstruction and on the weekends, it was virtually a big historical ghost town to ride around in. There's nothing more fascinating than riding one's bike around a big city, especially when it's quiet. Also: I tended to mellow with age. Did you ever hear Billy Joel's "Angry Young Man"?

@fishline79 Billy Joel's great. So you were her during Frank Rizzo years. He was a Donald Trump sort of guy. Not as bad. No-one is.

6

Thank you for sharing this. I think I've judged my father so harshly most of my life. I adored him when I was a child. He was a minister, and a very kind man. But when I reached my teens I began to realize he was not perfect and I became so angry with him for it. I felt he should be just like Jesus since that's what he preached. Now as an adult I realize he's just a man and he did the best he could.

@RikiTikiTavi
Well said.
I came to the realization that my parents did the best they could... with what they had... at the time.
Which is really all any of us do.

I am enjoying reading all of these comments, and I appreciate them and never expected such a response. It would seem that most people have a love-hate relation with their parents and I guess that's the way it is meant to be.

5

We don’t realise until we lose them...just how much we owe to our parents and how their views and attitudes have helped to shape the people we have become. Even when we’re determined not to repeat traits that we didn’t like in them, sometimes we can’t help ourselves becoming very similar to them as we get older. I think we all wish we could have the chance to go back and discuss things with our parents, sometimes to say or do things left unsaid. Our younger selves don’t have the wisdom to understand that most good parents only want what’s best for us, and this can often lead to estrangement and a clash of views and wills. I think this happens between all generations, and as our children take our place as the young generation, so we take the place of our parents as the elders. It sounds though like your father passed on the most important things in life to you...good character, and a lot of love, which is obvious from the fond way you speak of his memory.

Pretty much what I wanted to say but you said it better.

@fishline79 You said it pretty well in your post already,

@Marionville Can' be said enough!

Well said.

8

Beautiful thoughts. So many questions and opportunities are missed in our lifetime. Cherish what you did have with him. When he was present in your life, you had a different mentality and priorities; not the same as today. You can't condemn yourself in any way for things you did not do or ask if those things never crossed your mind while he was alive. That is such a great pic.
Now i am going to listen to the songs you just mentioned. ❣

I hope you all do that, and join my F.B. page "Simplicity in Musical Art" David Fishel
and maybe somebody would like to try looking at......davidfishel.net

3

awwwww touching they said it in breakfast club ...as we age we become our parents even if we don't wanna....thing is we either become them or the total opposite

Total opposite.

3

My father became a much better person in the decade before he died. He wasn't as judgmental and my mother told me he always wanted to be more generous with me than she was. Neither understood that I had aspergers, even though he was a doctor, this led to a miserable childhood.

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