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Are we meant to be with one person forever?

Since half of marriages end in divorce it seems fair to ask if people should commit to someone "forever."
Marraige and love consists of layers and things could be examined within. Things like open relationships and seperating sex from love gives some relationships options, but they still return us to the main question (Are we meant to be with one person forever).

What is your opinion on life-long monogamy and/or the purpose of marraige?

Millzy 5 Apr 8

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I hope not... hasn’t worked out that way for me. Damn, and I’m just about the most charming guy I know, “and darn it, people just like me”(jajaja)... all my friends wives have liked me.
I’m good with “life-long monogamy”, without marriage, if it’s mutual (first wife wasn’t), as for marriage, seems like a worn out tradition (likely religion inspired). I don’t think my ego would be comfortable in an open relationship, loyalty and trust are huge in my way of thinking.

Tomas Level 7 Apr 9, 2018

God, I hope not!

I love my dude but he knows Im slutty.

I'm looking forward to my Eyes Wide Shut party he's gonna throw for me on my birthday.

I love a girl who will admit to being slutty.


I think that you can love more than just one person.

"love" my is all about being sexually attracted. Besides that, I know of no primates that are monogamous. Stop believing in the Handsom Prince on a White horse myth.

Absolutely, if emotionally mature and honest enough with all parties... Some people are always going to be too anxious / singular in their motives to let that happen though 🙂

@dahermit What is your definition of love ? Your answer suggests it is possession based.. What if love were an unconditional constant ?

@Nickbeee My definition of "love" is the temporary condition of "consorting pairs" as seen in all the other primates. However, our society has enforced the false notion of "ever after" to such a degree, many/most (especially women), cannot bear to see it as a temporary accommodation for producing a child...nothing more, nothing less. If you believe that not to be true (and think "true love" exists), then you must explain why more than 50% of marriages fail with many of those who stay together have affairs and/or are not happy. If monogamy was a natural state, it would be more successful than it is. At some point, you just have to give up on the fantasy.

@dahermit I just believe true love is unconditional and never ends ...

So all my exes have my support wether I have seen them or not for years.. If they had kids so do their kids (not my kids I have none). If I went to them I have been so supportive they would pretty much do anything for me. Just simple respect .. Keeping communication as open as possible. Really trying to solve problems. We aren't in each others lives but we care a lot.

That is my definition of love.. I can't really speak for others or the one's you just gave as an example .. I understand how people see it that way but for me being human I have the choice to push it further than my self and my motives and desires alone and consider the holistic whole and how I am affecting those I choose to spend time with and trust intimately and deeply.

To me love is simply not letting people down. Asking nothing of them. Giving them anything you can. IF it comes back in some way (it may not be the same way lol) that is a bond bearing love. Understanding, Trust. It's a bit more than just like lol.. I don't see the love I give in a relationship with intimacy as any different to that I give my dog ... Now no smutty jokes please lol !!!

I am not all other primates my brain is much more highly evolved .. I am a man lol. I can choose and reason more deeply. Have greater self determination.


I have a problem with the question. "Are we meant..." implies predestination to me. The human condition sorta calls for some kind of interaction, whether physical, emotional, or intellectual; hence, this website. I've known people who mated for life and some who had five marriages, along with those who have a different 'partner' every week. I know a few people who are polyamorous. We're all wired differently.

I know of predestination, but I was more looking at it as a societal custom and wondering if we created a standard or function that we can never achieve yet continue to chase.


Like MANY things, I feel this is a very subjective issue. Some people are very happy with one person forever. Some people are only happy with one new person per month/week/day.

It's an individual choice and preference. Biologically speaking, I don't think a case can be made for one or the other with absolute certainty.

Ethically/morally speaking, same thing.

I think you pretty much sued it up!


I may commit to exclusivity in a poly triad, but monogamy isn't for me, and I don't even believe in the institution of marriage.

I don't think we're "meant to be" anything. I think we're indoctrinated from birth by society on many things, though.


I know that I would not get married again. People change and evolve and our partners change and evolve and it's ok to say that your needs aren't being met and have relationships with others throughout our lives.

@lucydaniels yes itvisnt easy is it.


Men and women have created this concept of monagomy simply to keep a family together. It helps when there are children or when parents are old and need to be taken care of. I would say it's up to each individual. Those who look down on one side or the other is the primary problem.


Probably not! It seems to be counter to human nature.


I think we could have numerous monogamous relationships in different timess in our lives.


I'm certainly not. Was was married 22 years, divorced 12 years now. In 3 relationships, since I divorced and I dated a lot too. He would have to be pretty special for me to stay with one guy.


I , now 67 years young, believe that we do pass through stages in life. The human is a growing entity which seeks a balance of happy and responsibility. I have had the education, the marriage, children, big house and so on. Now kids are grown and I am divorced my second time. At this point in life, I want a soul mate sort of friend. One who thinks like me, we hold the same passion for things and have a life of discovery ahead. Yes , I do believe it would be a sad day to opt to stay with a person just because it is expected and you are not happy.

EMC2 Level 8 Apr 9, 2018

The reasons why a lot of marrages don't last today is cause couples often lack the abilty to compromise ,commuicate with each other be honest with each other ,and over the years they lose intimacy between one another . And once you no longer have intimacy between one another you know longer have a marrige.


For some, there is only that one person. For others it doesn't work out with one but may for another. Life isn't cut and dried and last I heard, it was more like 60/40 with many choosing to not get married or delay it much further down the road.

I think that is accurate.

Well if they aren't choosing to get married then that doesn't completely effect marriage data. But I have heard about more people delaying marriage.

@Millzy Several years ago, many surveys listed average marriage ages as, late teens, then about twenty-six/twenty-seven. Then ages start creeping upwards with a more significant percentages listing no to the idea of marriage. At one time I interned at a place where such surveys were common on slow news months. According to Google in March 2013; "Americans are getting married later and later. The average age of first marriage in the United States is 27 for women and 29 for men, up from 23 for women and 26 for men in 1990 and 20 and 22 (!) in 1960." From October 2013; "The average length of a marriage that ends in divorce is eight years. People wait an average of three years after a divorce to remarry (if they remarry at all). The average age for couples going through their first divorce is 30 years old."
While I couldn't find any recent data, other than my personal knowledge, I did find several articles about the more education a person had, especially women, the less marriage-minded they were.


I think that depends on each person and their relationship. There's a lot of fluidity - and there should be - when it comes to partnerships. As long as both people are on board and know what they want. And even that can change. For some partnerships, long-term works; for some others, it doesn't.


I have been poyamorus for a number of years now. While managing multiple partners can be challenging, I don't know that I could ever go back to monogamy. I think the concept that one other person can provide you with everything you want/need in a relationship is unrealistic.


I thought I would be with my 1st wife until "the end." Thought the same about #'s 2 and 3. Don't think that anymore.


I hope so... the right one will have me until the end.


It depends on how you view that one person. Are you the same person as you were 1 year ago? Do your partner think you changed? A person who believes to grow, and partner with someone who also loves to change and adapt, can the life be boring? Can't you live your tomorrow differently? Can't you make your kiss and touch to be exciting and unique for tomorrow? Why do we feel it to be the same, because we don't utilize this awesome, magical human brain to be creative, to be awesome ourselves. So, if the underlying assumption of the question is that why do we need to stay with the same, I think it's the perception problem ultimately. The new will become old in a moment. So, how you view life, how your partner views life ultimately will dictate, what's same or what's even "forever" means..



marga Level 7 Apr 9, 2018

When I married my wife in a Registra's office on 7th March 1998 I spoke vows, vows which I have lived by ever since and which I shall continue to live by.
At no point during the ceremony was God brought into the converstion, it was a secular event and everyone who attended had a good time.
Vows taken at a wedding are vows for life, anyone who breaks those vows deems themselves untrustworthy and if I were to offer any advise to anyone considering marriage, I would have to say "Make sure that you truly love your intended because the vows are for life and if you can't commit to one person for life then you shouldn't commit at all".


Nope. Everything ends, in death if nothing else.


I believe that it is different for everyone and it is key to find a partner that wants the same thing as you, deep down. Marriage of course takes work, so you can't give up on it if it what you both want.

Some people are not that way, and that is okay too. As long as that is disclosed soon into a relationship.


I perform marriages for a living. There is nothing in the law that states marriage vows must be "forever" or until the death of one partner, or even as long as they shall love. It's a piece of paper, which falls apart in hot water. It's the couple's honorable intentions and integrity that keep them together, not so much the piece of paper. But it's nice to celebrate the commitment, make it official, make it really hard to undo and give securities (especially to stay at home spouses) in the case the marriage doesn't work out.

Vows are to all intents and purposes, a form of promise, a contract, indeed they are a contract in law otherwise why else would it be necessary to obtain a divorce in order to break a marriage contract?
In America, it isn't uncommon for people to marry 3 or 4 times, probably because the sanctity of marriage isn't taken seriously, it is as easy to get a divorce as it is to buy a pack of cigarettes, that is my perception at least and so I expect that is why you are probably busy conducting marriage ceremonies, Americans like getting married, they just hate BEING married to the same person for any length of time.
In no way is this response intended to offend.


I believe the intent of marriage is forever. Unfortunately, people change and don't adapt to each other as changes occur. I don't believe marriage should be a coffin that stifles the life out of one or both of the spouses. When the marriage no longer enhances the life of the couple, they should move on.

Life expectancy has increased over the past several generations. Now what we see is more "serial monogamy" and people getting married instead of going steady. To each their own.

I do believe in marriage, especially while raising a family, but there are times when staying together for the children is not necessarily a good idea. Every case is different.

So, I believe in marriage, but it's not for everyone, and not for every lifestyle, though it has many benefits, as a sense of security and stability, a feeling of knowing someone will be there for you, come what may. It's wonderful to have someone who will adapt to changes with you as time goes on, with your promise to adapt along with them.

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