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27 10

Do you use the word, "sex," in your profile? What was the result?

Today I received this message from a man in Australia:

“You have a fine bio and a set of photographs which has understandably resulted in a huge following. However, what you enjoy does not quite match up with your proclaimed need to intimacy, no mention being made of love or sex. I suspect that you are asexual and therefore, not compatible with my needs.”

I felt gob-smacked and amused by his incorrect assumption. In society’s eyes, a very real dichotomy holds sway: you are either a sexless, socially acceptable “mommy,” or a bad girl who purrs and oozes sex. His message reeked of the age-old, odious Madonna/Whore Complex.

With online dating, it is dangerous for women to explicitly mention sex in their profiles, especially if you want a loving relationship. I learned this the hard way, after being deluged by messages from sex hounds.

So, I deleted the word “sex” from my profile, replacing it with “intimacy.” Also removed “naked body” from the skinny-dipping paragraph. Previously, I wrote:

“Skinny dipping at night made me a lifelong sensualist. In August the lake was warm as bath water. Icy cold streams flowed up from the bottom. Swimming after dark through the warm water, I dived down and let the cold streams caress my naked body. The feeling was exquisite.”

Oops. This triggered an avalanche of sexual messages. I downshifted to:

“Skinny dipping at night made me a lifelong sensualist. August evenings at the lake were warm as bath water, accentuated by icy cold streams flowing up from the bottom. It was an exquisite experience I long to share.”

My profile describes me as a lifelong sensualist who is intense, playful and passionate. I described the pleasures of skinny-dipping. “I miss the tender touch, laughter, conversation, intimacy, teamwork and fun of a committed, loving relationship."

I posted a variety of recent photos, from hiking to wearing a sexy, little dress. My goal was to show a well-rounded, fun and active life.

Your thoughts?

LiterateHiker 9 Apr 10
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27 comments (26 - 27)

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0

I don't think the bio is meant to please or displease the reader. Its only meant to inform so whatever his opinions are not material to the information you are trying to impart.

0

I love sex...sex is great...without sex I would not be here...sex made me...I am grateful for sex...and sex is good for your health...grumpy people do not have sex...

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