LINK Most people are bad at arguing. These 2 techniques will make you better.
The elections over, but the belief structure is still there. The vitriol on both sides is still ugly but there are a lot of chinks in the rights wall now that can be exploited. One of the goals I have set for myself this year is to bring a couple more of my family and friends that I have distanced myself from back from their Qanon filled cess pools. I'm in Texas, so it is a target rich enviroment. I try and look at them like cult survivors on the brink of wanting out and just keep throwing their morality calmly back at them. I am aiming for two a year.
This article an oldy but goody. Staying calm in the face of what can be considered to be hate from friends and family is key. It's like deprogramming a cult member. It is hard to not let it be personal, it is harder to stay calm, and the hardest part is watching them leave your life over a spray tanned conman. You can bring them back. You just have to start chipping away, gently and patiently.
I can't be the only one that has someone they desperately want back?
1
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
6 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I put up with my racist mysoginic relatives through most of the Obama years since I knew that most of them saw him as just a bush n. and that was a deeply held belief on their part, just like their catholicism. I finally made a break, determining that I was wasting my time trying to teach pigs to sing. Unless we can speak without talking religion or politics, i have nothing to say and no need to say it.
glennlab
Level 10
Feb 28, 2021
1
I'm sure you aren't the only one, and I wish you luck in your endeavors. I've spent a lot of time these past six or seven years attempting to break into the mindset of some friends and family, to no avail. If anything, they have become even more entrenched in their beliefs.
However, I have swung the other way than you. The far right attacks have made me realize that basic civil rights I'd thought we'd advanced were not only paper thin achievements, but were all-too-easily wiped out. Not only that, but further education and conversations with friends have proven that my vision of myself as open-minded and non-racist isn't as clearly defined as I'd thought. So I'm dedicating myself to learning more, listening more, and educating more ... and not tolerating far right vitriol and propaganda. I'll not scream, and I will stay calm in explaining my position to them, but I'm not giving way, even at the cost of losing some of them from my life, because their propaganda and actions hurt the people I currently have in my life, and that's more important to me.
Lauren
Level 8
Feb 28, 2021
0
I do believe the gains made over the past hundred years to human rights are fragile too. I think we all just learned how fragile Women's rights, LGBTQ rights, and Civil rights are over the last 4 years. Around 80 million people still voted for Trump who proved again that fear will get you votes. I just can't believe they are all evil or completely ignorant. I think some of them bought into the fear mongering and are scared. It reminds me a lot of McCarthyism. I just hope that enough of them can be brought around that the chance of another moron standing in front of the nation screaming about how walls and immigration reform are needed to protect the white people from those that don't look like them, or might use their bathrooms, or drink from their water fountains won't be able to get any traction ever again.
Yes, it is similar to McCarthyism. I don’t believe all of them are evil or ignorant, but there are varying degrees of both traits at work here. A good number of them are likely using their own self-preservation instincts to go with the winning team, which to them is that which has a huge physical force. They may only reconsider their positions when a stronger force overpowers them. We saw some of this with the insurgents who are hurt and angry that Trump wasn’t able to give them the blanket protection they expected from him. And then there is religion, which trains people to follow blindly even when intelligence and humanity tell them not to. It’s primed these people to blindly follow an authoritarian.
I do lose some sleep over it, and I hope we can figure it out in time.
The people I have eliminated from my life over their support of the racist Trump are gone for good and I will keep them that way. I don't need people in my life who support that kind of thinking along with his homophobia, and misogyny. I am just glad they came out of the closet and I know who they really are. Good riddance!
Sticks48
Level 9
Feb 28, 2021
2
You aren't the only one, I'm sure. But you also aren't like me. I have no interest in getting those people back into my life. I don't miss them and am better off without them.
TomMcGiverin
Level 8
Feb 28, 2021
1
I definitely understand that sentiment. I was like that for a long time too and still am to some extent.
I agree that chipping away a little bit at a time is the best course of action. Too much and it just makes people defensive. More often than not, just being a good example and/or only saying enough to “plant a seed” is best. (I also hope you weren’t referring to me! )
EyesThatSmile
Level 8
Feb 28, 2021
1
Never you! There is a couple of friends I let slip away that probably would not have gone so far down the rabbit hole if I had stayed in contact. My nonexistent cross to bare. I need to suck it up buttercup and reestablish contact.
This sword cuts both ways though. You need to be in a headspace where their thoughts and morality are not a risk to your own. I always like to think that nothing will change my thoughts, opinions, morality and belief structure. If that were really true though, we would all be the same people we were as teenagers and no one is.
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
Share this post
Categories
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.