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If you don’t love yourself, who will? And how can you love anyone else if you don’t first love yourself?

If your life and loves are not satisfying, these are valid questions to ask yourself. Here’s what happens when you don’t love yourself.

#love #relationships #abuse #EmotionalIntelligence

[cheriewhite.blog]

josephr 7 Apr 5
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1

Most of my life, I've left the job of loving of me to others, my parents, husband, boyfriends, who all failed miserably. So now I feel it's up to me, at this point in my life, to love myself and make up for some of the mistakes made by others.

When I didn't love myself, I let people mis-treat me, and I never want to go back there again. So, I disagree with people who feel it's narcissistic to take some time to heal oneself with self love until a person feels whole for maybe the first time. Everyone has different stories, different pasts, so we need to do what works for us to feel happy.

If I end up attracting someone who will love me as myself, then all the better. Until then, I'm happy to enjoy myself for a while. Making up for lost time, I may not have the extra attention to pay to others for a while, and that's why I'm not actively looking for romance at the moment. I think I need to feel more secure with myself first, before inviting others into my life at this time.

My ex-husband once grimaced that all the women his age on the dating sites say that after raising their family and getting divorced were saying "it's me time" and he thought that was so selfish. I bit my tongue so I didn't say "well maybe they had a husband like you, who didn't let them be themselves while they were married, so they deserve some "me" time now.

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How about enough not to ruin a perfectly good dress by walking on it in sand?

lerlo Level 8 Apr 5, 2021

Sand washes out of dresses easily. I've married thousands of brides who all walked on the beach in their long dresses. Each happy to do so. It's a very freeing thing to do, caring more about the feeling of sand under your feet rather than grains of sand that stick to the bottom of a dress, easily brushed off. Try it some time.

@Julie808 I stopped wearing dresses a while ago

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I like myself, I don't love myself. I agree with Krzyz. It is a little narcissistic. Although I have had to make love to myself for the last year, but that is not the same thing. 🙂

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I’ve worked with a lot of psychologists and others in the mental health field for decades, and have heard things like this often but, honestly, find it hard to understand. Loving and forgiving are possible actions/reactions one has to others, but to oneself? I AM myself! Seems kinda narcissistic ...

If you don't love yourself, you can never be the best you can be.

@Lorajay Yes: I hear that a lot, especially in the U.S., but also in some other Western countries. It just makes no sense to me (honestly: I’m not being my usual smartass self here). It’s like I’m being asked to objectify myself, which I’m not sure is possible.

@The-Krzyz objectifying oneself is not love.

@Lorajay No, not saying it is. But don’t you HAVE to objectify yourself to make yourself the object of your own self love? Ach: Too metaphysical! I’ll just stick to loving and being loved by others ...

@The-Krzyz Is objectifying those people one loves really loving them, or something else? Like putting them on a pedestal for example; would that be love or objectification? And loving oneself can be narcissistic, but is not necessarily so if one has a healthy relationship with oneself. Just like having a relationship with anyone else, but much more complex. So if that is a concern for a person, s/he can ask themselves whether s/he objectifies those loved? The answer can be both disturbing and enlightening.

@josephr OK: No objectifying people does not equal loving them, but is necessary in order TO love them (Otherwise, what/who is the object of your love?). But I was only writing about this idea that one can “love oneself.” I don’t buy the concept that one can “have a relationship with” oneself since one IS oneself. Of course, our consciousness allows for self-reflection and examination of our actions and their consequences, but that’s different.

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