I find your story truly fascinating.
I find it very sad that you had been so programmed by your governments, your military service and your ego that you behaved this way.

How long had you been out of service?
How badly did you perceive that you & your colleagues had failed to train up your replacements. Or was it your ego telling you that you are irreplaceable?

I'm pleased that sense kicked in and you didn't start driving after you had armed yourself. However having viewed this atrocity to your nation why have you accepted the 20 years of bullshit that you have been fed since 2001?

Incidentally 2001 wasn't the first time 9\11 resulted in atrocity. Back in 1973 thanks to Nixon, Kissinger & the CIA the people of Chile entered 17 years of 10,000's being tortured, hundreds being murdered, and thousands disappeared. Yes this horror was caused by America destroying the hopes and aspirations of the people who had just democratically voted for their choice of government.

Don't you find find it hypocritical that there is much wailing & nashing of teeth over the 20th anniversary of your 9\11 but nothing about the 50th anniversary of the 1973 9\11?

Many may just smile & say "karma".

Have a read of "Remember 9\11. Americans shame on you. Courtesy Folk & Traditional Music Group."

I had started out for a training session but got a flat near the airport. I called AAA for a tow, and went into the hotel lobby where I had stopped. That was when I saw what was going on. The tow arrived, but it took almost 2 hours to travel the 7 miles or so in streets that had become completely gridlocked.

As it was just o'early hundred on the west coast, I got up got the coffee going and figure'd I catch the Mariners highlights on the sports section of Komo news.
But all there was was a shot of the towers with smoke billowing and the anchor going on about a terrible accident and then the second plane flew in and I KNEW it was no fucking accident and bush was taking us to war. and there were no Mariners highlights. Bad start to a shitty day.

I really wanted to avoid re-experiencing that day. But you have made it come forward from long-term storage. I had NO IDEA any of it was happening until my adult daughter came thru the door far too early. When I asked if she was unwell, and she responded that "the whole fucking country is under attack", we turned on the television. She worked in the tallest skyscraper in Los Angrles. For a financial firm that had offices at the WTC. Everyone was sent home. Watching video of people jumping to their death on television was extremely disturbing. Knowing that the foreign policies of the US are probably the reason for that day, even more disturbing. Later in December, watching war on live television was the most disturbing. EVERYTHING is connected. There are enough resources in the world, and this country, to feed and care for everyone. But we elect leaders who are greedy and selfish, and who encourage everyone else to be the same. Promoting divisiveness keeps their pockets full.

I was a Stay At Home Mom at that time, the kids had gone to school and I was getting on with my daily routine. I always have a radio on playing adult contemporary music, but the DJs kept saying something weird, so I turned on CNN. I was shocked, dismayed. I remembered when President Kennedy was assassinated, the coverage was non stop. This was so similar. After dinner we decided we should really make sure the cars had full tanks, just in case. We were in long line at the gas station, and while we waited a older very slim male, Hispanic or Asian (I no longer remember) rode up to the c-store on a bicycle and parked the bike and went in. Some young kid started messing with his bike, and then started to ride off on it. The owner came out and caught him, took a couple swings at the kid, and the kid ran away, so the old dude got on his bike and rode off. We just thought how brassy of that kid to try to steal a bike in front of a huge crowd of witnesses in broad daylight. I had been participating in an online forum of Golden Retriever owners, found out the servers were in one of the WTC buildings, so we lost contact for a while.