Initially, after reading this post I was a bit freaked out, but after reading it again think I understand where you're coming from. I say freaked out because a few months back, as odd as this may sound, I had a dream about you doing a post on this site that indicated you were... tired of living, and all I can remember was doing a post in the Senate group asking anyone who may live close to you to reach out and help you as your post was concerning. Now, I didn't bother mentioning that dream of mine on here as I figured it was just a by-product of my thoughts on that given day, and think around that time you had mentioned to me the job was stressful for you recently.

Anyways, hope you've been hanging in there. As for the teenagers that concerned you, maybe they were a potential threat, then again maybe not. Generally, the anti social loners are more worrisome when it comes to gun related violence than gangs are, local gangs where I live usually use either melee weapons or fists and feet and teeth when getting into brawls etc. Guess that depends though on where one lives. Earlier today heard that my former high school was raided by the police over a threatening letter, a bomb threat no less, which is just as bad as guns if not even worse. Mainstream medias do alot to make things worse for us, zeroing in on stories of weapon involved violent acts, and after awhile that sort of thing tends to affect the subconscious mind, causing us to be needlessly fearful. Unity's comment below is certainly true, the medias have not helped us much in that department, all the needless fearmongering causing us to be afraid of one another.

As for the poverty issue, life is far from being fair and bad things consistently happen to good and honest people. When Government fails to reach out to everyone in need, we need to step up and help out each other as best as possible, whether that be donating money to a local charity or volunteering some time towards a charitable event. Does not sound like anything is wrong with you, the suffering witnessed in daily life concerns you, and that tells me you're an admirable human being. With that said, we all need to vent a little sometimes, so all good.

I will be of the opinion that you are tired and looking at things differently because of your mental state. There is also the fact that conditions are changing fast in the country now. We have the Covid disease and the mental strife that goes with it. We are coming off a political period that has brought with it a lot of stupidity. Our standing with in the society is changing and for the most part we are not aware of it. There have always been people who could not afford a car, I was one of them for a period of about eight years.
I rode the bus, public transportation in Portland, Oregon. It was great, as soon as I learned that the cheapest pass to get was the more expensive on, one could go farther without paying extra, one could get anywhere they wanted, and back again. I rode the bus for about two hours a day. I read much, and slept. If I stayed on the bus and went past any stop, one just got off the bus, walked across the road and got on the bus going in the opposite direction. It was great. Poor people are everywhere and they survive by doing what it is they need to do. One of the reasons Wall Mart does so well.
Interesting, in that the first thought I had when moving towards the boys, was that it was a chance to talk to them and see how they thought. You are there and they are going to do whatever they will do, but of you engage them you may learn something. It also allows you to treat them as humans who might be interesting and know something, this may not happen to them at all. The chance to do this could change things for you. They might move from being antagonistic to helpful, after all you are giving them the chance to be themselves. I would not think that talking to them would bring any danger to you, I would like to hear from others on this as I am in a community that is fairly safe and I would not fail to wave or nod to any passerby.
I would like to hear comments from others on this as things might be different for me than you. I am six feet tall, weigh about three hundred pounds and can be intimidating if need to be. I am not physically able to battle anyone as my knees and hips are not good, waiting for replacements. Then I can run and hike again.

I know I'm a total bitch when I don't get my sleep, poor Metalhead 222! Before I came to visit him, I got sick, had a health related problem that fucked with my motor skills, still went to work and got in a car accident! So my sleep had been pretty much non existent? I'm a mess!

Enough about me, get some rest and some sleep, it will do you some good!

I think you are tired, on edge an in need of some time to yourself in order to regroup and reorganise yourself and your thoughts.
Worrying about worrying is a self defeating vicious circle, take a little break and relax.

Sleep would be a good thing! Having been a local bus driver for 43 years, first let me take exception to your categorization of busses as filthy last choice methods of transportation. In most cities, buses are well maintained and cleaned daily. We transport not only families with babies, but grandma in wheelchairs (you think getting a baby on board takes time, get behind a bus loading and securing a wheelchair/scooter). My passengers were anyone from environmental aware people trying to reduce their carbon footprint, to spouses who are on the bus because they can only afford one car and their partner works too far or not on a bus route. Add to that handicapped people (blind, deaf, mentally handicapped, etc.) who could never qualify for a drivers license, too young to drive, too poor to own a car and not to be overlooked people who just enjoy not having to fight traffic on their way to work, but would rather read or chat with others. What I am saying is don’t feel sorry for the bus/metro/trolley riders. Chances are, they are far less stressed than you!
As for the kids at the gas station, I tend to be wary of any groups of boisterous people, regardless of age. And the daily deluge of bad news, often involving gangs of youths (not to mention movies and TV shows) tend to make everyone a little jittery. As long as you don’t get into the paranoia of the gun lovers crowd, a little awareness of your surroundings and a few precautions like locking you car doors, keeping your purse out of sight and eyes open is never a bad thing. Not to the point of tying yourself up in knots, just watching what’s going on around you.
And finally, don’t be so hard on yourself!! We all have days when we are a bit more on edge than others. With the stress of your job, be thankful that you are still aware of when you are having one! 🥰

You are physically and emotionally whipped after these last several months. This is not an overreaction on your part. I can't imagine the stress and strain you have been under since all of this started. You know how much respect l have for you. What you are seeing is for real. Our econmic system has been perverted by the rich to their benifit and to everyone elses detriment. You are completely justified in your feelings for something that is very real and will be the end of this country if it does not change.

my impression.. despite your strength and obvious vitality your occupation and the pressures it supplies are bound to generate some long and short term consequences. sometimes they can build up unseen and may only show themselves when they begin to redline. take care.

Question: how old are you? The reason I ask is because hormonal changes around menopause can heighten such feelings as you’ve described. This may be 100% off base, but I thought I’d throw it out there as one possibility. If it could be right, I’d visit my doctor.

You need a cunning linguist to make you laugh until you quiver.

Pralina…I’m not going to reiterate what all the others have already said because they have all tried to reassure you that your reaction is completely normal under the current circumstances, which it is. We are not machines but humans, with all the human emotions, and sometimes when we work long periods under stressful conditions we become overwrought, and it can then feel as though the weight of the world with all its injustices is pilling in around us. It’s to your credit that you feel this way…you are a kind and empathetic person. All you need is a period of relaxation, a hot bath, some tasty comforting food and a full nights sleep…and I’m sure your perspective will be restored again. None of us can fix all the things going wrong in this world and right all the injustices, but feeling you’d like to speaks volumes to your good character and kind heart.

I think that you should remember that number one has to come first, not because it is good to be selfish, but because those who do not look after themselves well enough, are never in any state to take care of others. So most of all, remember that asking for six good hours sleep is not something to feel guilty about.

You are not overdramatic, and you’re probably right you do need more rest than you have been getting for the past 18 months. Life has been so difficult for all of us but especially more so for people like you who work to help others. I think all the news on a daily basis is not so great for us to be listening to day in and day out. So much of it is so depressing and horrible. Try to stay away from so much of the news media and get out into nature whenever you can. Nature can heal our hearts and our minds. You are someone who nurtures others and that takes a lot out of you, save some of that nurturing for you!

I think you've been on the front lines of COVID for over a year and are both smart and intense. Your reaction was "normal." What is uncommon is that you realized it, and have empathy for the situations. That makes you...special.

The world is better with people like you in it.

Girl! You are at the edge of depression or burn out. I think in your case it is due to the stress of your work with the COVID pandemic. PLUS what you see out in the world is real, the huge economic divide in this country is, IMHO, much worse due to the pandemic.
That said - GREAT job with the introspection!!!!! I mean it, most people do not self examine. In the book and movie Dune the line is "fear is the mind killer". Well severe stress is running a close second.
As to the situation with the kids - I personally would not ignore the signals you were getting with the kids at the entrance to the store. Just like you in the car with, insulated in the confines of your auto you vent and rage but it is contained inside your car. You checked your emotions, you felt bad and realized the disparity of your situation and that young family. As opposed to someone who might pull a gun and start shooting. The area those kids took up was their 'space' at that moment, sadly we do now need to be very aware of our surroundings and act according. But one must do it without fear, which brings me back to you possibly being on the edge of depression or just needing a big break from what you are doing or suffering burn out.
Yeah, we do change as we get older, I can't run to save myself so I am more cautious but I still don't take shit off of people. I do pick my battles.
P.S. I think you are WONderful! The work you do and what you share make the world a better place.

I think you're exhausted and carrying your professional vigilance home with you.
I desperately wish there was one huge great big effective fix for all the ills you described but there will always be people who fall through the crack. That doesn't mean we don't need to continue trying it just means it will never be perfect. The world has made progress think about child labor and slavery.

I think you need 12 hours of sleep instead of 6 and a walk in nature. I hope you can go somewhere for a few hours where there's not some of those pesky things called people and you can breathe deeply and renew yourself.

Thank you for all you do. It would be a very different world if more people were like you.

The media has been doing a hell of a job at fear mongering.
Being aware of your surroundings is always good.
Make a conscious effort to be who you truly are without the outside influence of media.
Hugs are medicinal. (Sending you a virtual one.)Keep your head up!
Your Agnostic.com friends are here for you.

I think you are just stressed out. Get some rest. We all have bad days, but you recognized your short comings. I know that you will do whatever you can.

It's ok, Karen. LOL