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I guess at the age 56 I accepted the fact I’ll be alone, that’s ok, this is not an invite BTW. Lol I’m just curious about those people that found the perfect mate, and I wonder what is worse, Losing your soulmate, or never finding one?

Jewelee65 6 Dec 8
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16 comments

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1

I'm good alone, I strive being single.

2

I have had2 husband's, both of which left actual scars, literal and emotional, and I am So Happy to have peace & quiet & "enough" of everything I need without having to ask.
if I found someone to be a lover, friend and companion (other than my dog/s!) I think I would enjoy it but at this age (75) no doubt one or the other of us would soon become a burden to the other.

You are not alone in that feeling. I have a good female friend, same age as you, that I met a few years ago on Match. We never dated, but I found another friend thru that, and it has been good for both of us. She too has a dog,, and has had no luck in finding anyone to date the last few years. And she fears the same thing about finding a man to date her age, that either her or the man could become a burden to the other relatively soon. She also had decided that another romantic relationship is probably not in the cards for her, due to her age and how small the local dating pool is for men her age.

1

I lost mine, 6 years ago, first to dementia, and then to physical death. I would say, the worse is never finding one. The second worst, is losing one and then never finding another long term mate, no matter how much you want one and try to find one. My late wife was not perfect, but nobody is, but she was as compatible for me as anyone probably ever will be.

0

losing the one you love has got to be the worst. but never finding the one. or even one for 20 years, or 10. or even one who could be faithful, or open, just no lies. i've never dated anyone that i could commit to, no one monogamous, or honest in an open relationship, that could trust, or put up with for 5 years, is still pretty effin bad. more people are lonely, i'd bet, many more, than those that are happily, for decades, or the rest of their life. i don't believe in 'soul' mates. but, sparks, chemistry, best friends, sex, love, loving, lust, love forever, or the rest of your days. as many days. you know what i'm saying here, i certainly don't believe in "the one". or only one. in most things, in most ways. i believe in love, as an action word. a kind of caring. the deepest caring. as i care. i just want to believe, i hope, many of us find 2, or 3, or 4, the ones, in this life.i'd imagine that many of us will never find even 1 the one, in this life. i try to be romantic, i used to be much of the time, not so much any more, at my age, 59. i'm a typical american, an idealist. but, i've always been a realist, first. that's what being a survivor teaches you. goals, hopes, dreams, absolutely. but, you won't be 'so called' happy, unless you liberate yourself from expectations. the four noble paths of the buddha is one way to approach life, and love. as a practice, an understanding, to really stand under things, see it from both points of view, each with a kernel of the other, a philosophy, or world view. i'd say, if anything, i'm zen, and a little bit into taoism, and definitely agnosticism. which some describe as "i want to believe". but, i have too much wisdom, some since i was a teen. i've had too much experience that's convinced me, even decades ago, that many things are miraculous, in and of themselves. but, most things, societies, most people, will only disappoint you. even crush you, steal years from you, even steal decades, hurt you to your core, shake up you belief or understanding, or previous experience, they can scar you, disable you, even kill you, or kill your heart, your passion, your spirit, or mind. and, some people, maybe many, i don't know about most, but many people will think nothing of the people left in their wake, or use, and abuse, or all the way to could not care less, or even enjoy seeing that that can make you suffer, ruined for years, tell everybody lies about you. but, even still, even with all of that, i've been thru, as my fathers generation said, great depression era, "i've been thru more in 1 lifetime, than most people have been thru in 3 lifetimes. i'm at about 5 or 7. i might have 9, total. even still, i hold out hope. for something. i hope to find someone, or for her to find me. maybe not everything. but, the best. that's honest, open, committed, or free, for luck, laughs, lust, and love. for best friends, a companion to share experiences with, to live with, to take care of each other. otherwise, i'm fine on my own. it has a lot of benefits, and advantages. being alone is cool, often preferred. but, not all the time. not for more than a few years, maybe 3 or 5 years. but, being lonely sucks. we're all human. we need someone. cuddles. a non-judgmental ear, or shoulder, some hugs, cuddles, movies, and chill, music, museums, art of all sorts. getting out in the woods, on the water, swimming, walking, riding a bus, flying, traveling, adventures, or just saying home, cooking, and feeling secure, and safe. i'm just, once again, getting better at that, being alone, the last 5 years. most of 10, much of 20 years. if i can see what coming, and it's ugly, and it's just gonna hurt me, or devastate me, again. if it's obvious that it's gonna be bad for me. and, i just end up alone, again. why bother. why go thru it, again. why settle. if it's not worth it. or not the right time, to have what i want, or just be me. i'm used to it, if anything else. i dating last summer, it sucked. this summer was just gonna be the same, with the same kinds of people, even one, to and from last summer. never mind. pass. bye. i already said, no thanks. and, i just keep moving, or just chilling at home. if there's nothing else i can do about it, especially just barely getting back on my feet, since the spring of 2020, until this summer of 2022. at least it's progress, i'm getting back out and about again. it was a good summer, it's been a great fall. but, now it's raining, and or cold again. i can just get back into the grindstone. maybe a few exhibitions, concerts, or events this winter. and, we'll see where we are by next spring. in february it's my year, the year of the rabbit, the bunny, the hare. hope springs eternal. right. i hope it will be a lucky, fortunate year, for everybody. the election victory, and victories. let me at least relax about my obamacare and job prospects. my credit is better. i'll get a new ride in the new year. more debt paid, and cash saved, by spring, and this coming summer, and next fall, could be my best in 20 years. or at least 10. let's all hope so. have hopes for each other. celebrate each other victories. recoveries. whatever. let's all at least have some stability, and predictability too, as best as one could hope to have. throw some salt over our shoulders. surround ourselves with good people. ignore the bad people, even family. as best we can, and grow, even change, and move forward, again. that's my hope. for everybody. and, for me. the best year, or chapter, is coming, soon. maybe 3, 5, 7, or 10 in a row. if people vote like this. again and again, every 2 years, for 10 more years, minimum. or even, for the rest of my life. 15, or 20 more years. i'm just fine with it. it's a life. sometimes a good life. you, me, we could all still have moments that are great, whole chapters that are good or great, ahead. some of us 30 or 40, or more good to great years, ahead. if we end the use of fossil fuels, generations more. 7 more generations, of relative peace, and mitigating, then ending the climate crisis, and coming refugee crisis, as ecosystems fail, like in central america. maybe. i hope. i'd love to live long enough to see if we can turn it around. knock on wood. grin. hugs. good luck. peace

Thank you for opening yourself up and sharing your thoughts. It gave me a lot to think about ☺️

0

loosing

1

I'm with you on I think I'll be alone for the rest of my life. I've never met my soul mate, was married for seven years but looking back she wasn't my soul mate. But I'm not giving up and neither should you. Sometimes things happen when we least expect it.

3

Don't give up, just being a giving person will find you love, even if not the Romantic kind. And believe you me, and I speak from experience, at fifty six you are are child, with loads of time if you don't waste it, I found another soul mate long after that.

0

Yes I hate people that ignore the question too but why did you post this in the academic category ie: science?

lerlo Level 8 Dec 9, 2021

I didn’t even realize I did that. I posted from my phone and missed category selection.

1

no soulmate for either i suppose. ice cream helps.

I love ice cream lmao 🤣

4

I’ve always believed: ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
–Alfred Lord Tennyson

Geez if you believe that as gorgeous as xo you are, there’s no hope for the rest of us 😂🥰❤️❤️

2

"To love" is an action verb. "Soulmates" is just a fantasy pushed by Disney movies, romantic comedies, commercials, stupid romance novels, etc.

Suddenly I'm running through a flowery meadow in a long white dress with flowers in my hair, birds and butterflies flitting about, arms outstretched into the arms of... What's that tingly feeling? Ticks.

I refuse to get married or live with a man again. Men talk a good game about sharing cooking and chores (aka bullshit) but once I move in, they slack off completely. I end up doing all of the work. It's too much of a burden.

Married female friends complain about their critical, controlling husbands. They envy my freedom, peace and quiet.

Love my single life!

Agree! Marriage is pointless. Living together is iffy.

wait. you? the everseeking online dater? is all that chat work just so you can complain about us fellas not being up to your measure of a person? you gotta be kidding.

I think you are right, it’s a fantasy

@hankster

I'm using online dating to find an athletic, intelligent, funny hiking partner, for laughter and conversation, great sex and having fun.

Through online dating I met over 50 man-children who never learned to cook. They expected me to do all of the meal planning, cooking, dishwashing, laundry, house cleaning and great sex. Forget it.

@LiterateHiker i hear you, i know you'll keep searching tho.

@LiterateHiker what about just dishwashing, varmit killin' and great sex.

@hankster

I was clear in my profile:

I'm seeking an athletic, intelligent man with a great sense of humor who treats me with respect and kindness. Shared recreational activities are a bonding experience for couples. That's why I want a man who also loves hiking.

Although I'm a good cook, I'm not willing to do all of the meal planning, preparation and cooking. Everyone loves the magic words: "Dinner is served."

Loving relationships work best when we add a certain spirit, an attitude of goodwill. I wouldn't know a grudge if it mugged me. I miss the tender touch, laughter, conversation, intimacy, teamwork and fun of a committed, loving relationship.

@hankster

No way. Every man I dated or married was a great cook. We took turns cooking every other day.

When one person cooked, the other did the dishes.

@LiterateHiker lol....enjoy! you didn't mention no itchy rashes tho.

This street goes both ways. My second wife was terrible but after the divorce, I was a sap and let her live here providing she paid half the expenses, purely a platonic arrangement. You can expect how that went considering she liked to gamble, was convicted of retail theft of lottery tickets, and owed everyone money. At first she seemed okay, a business professional like myself but soon went down hill fast. The cooking I did since she knew two settings on the stove, off or 10. I refused to let her use my pans and bought her a set of her own which she quickly burned off the non stick coating. So for the most part we cooked and ate separately. She liked to take her food to the bedroom and watch the idiot box so we hardly ever ate together even before the divorce. After I finally had enough and told her to get out, I was left with the task of cleaning her room. How someone could live in that type of squalor is beyond me. I doubt a vac ever saw that room in the two years she stayed. So I ended up doing most everything. I can do that now, by myself and without the hassle.

@Mark013

Most Americans Still Think Woman Should Do the Bulk of the Housework

[huffpost.com]

@LiterateHiker Men were number one in the lawn care area, lol. That was an older article so I wondered if anyone did a study of increased labor division in a household during the pandemic. Not really. Found two up to date sources.

[pewresearch.org]

[hceconomics.uchicago.edu]

2

Losing one because you know it's possible to find another

2

I challenge your presumptions of the existence of a "perfect mate" and a "soulmate". My parents were married for 65 years and were as compatible as any couple I've ever known, but they were far from perfect.

The basis societal unit is the individual, not the couple or the family. One can lead a full and satisfying life while remaining single, although some activities are more enjoyable done in groups of 2 or more. Yet in the final analysis, we all die alone.

3

I had a wonderful soulmate for 38 years and a long illness actually made the loss less traumatic.

I am fortunate to have lots of friend friends but I do miss intimacy with someone that I love and loves me.

That didn't really answer your question. Spending the rest of mine life alone without a soulmate is a different kind of sadness and will last a lot longer than the initial loss of my spouse. That's the best I can do.

Thank you ❤️

3

I have had close friends who have lost dearly loved spouses after a lifetime of marriage, and I don’t envy the pain and disorientation they suffered for years afterward. I don’t think I’ve suffered near as much from being single all my life.

That wouldn’t stop me from marrying if the “right person” came along, but it just hasn’t happened, and that hasn’t ruined my enjoyment of life.

skado Level 9 Dec 8, 2021

Beautiful, thank you❤️

6

I'm 68, and still hoping, but time is running out. You still have time. I was in a bad marriage for 30 years, and never found a soul mate. It's not fun.

All I have to say is you look amazing 🤩 ❤️ Intelligent and beautiful all wrapped up into one ❤️

@Jewelee65 awe, thanks, and you are simply stunning!

im 74 found a man that adores me

@whiskywoman That is so wonderful! Where did you find him, if I may ask? It's good to know there's hope.

@Organist1 actually on adult friend finder its not a sight for relationships but we clicked and he is nothing like what I usually like but its working so ill just let it work

@whiskywoman That's really a surprise! The 2 people I've known who have tried that site say they never meet people from there, because they're afraid to, lol! I'm glad your experience was different, and positive.

@whiskywoman At 91, I’m exploring self-adoration.

@Organist1 a
adult friend finder is the only site I visit anymore and I have met scads of men but I was there just for sex not for a real love relationship ... and for an old fat woman im picky.....for men its much harder ive created profiles for men and sent out invites and got nothing

@whiskywoman I just tried AFF on your recommendation and found someone who is crazy about me right away! IDK where it will go, but there are a lot of men on that site.

@Organist1 awesome it is what you make it have some fun at our age we need to live it up I like to text and talk for a couple weeks before I meet gives him tine to mess up and say something stupid lol

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