I just read where many ministers especially in the south are counselling women who are experiencing domestic violence to go home and submit to their husbands wishes. These are women who came to them with even broken limbs from past beatings.They assume that the women deserved these beatings in some way.These ministers should be placed in jail.
"Allow" implies consent!!!!!!! FEAR and the realization that No help will be forthcoming is what keeps a woman in this situation...and further, if she resorts to self-help, like trying to kill the bastard, one of 2 things will happen: if she fails to kill him, he can then most likely kill her with impunity, leaving her children to be raised by him & the family that formed him...or she will "simply" receive many, many more beatings as a result of her attempt. OR, she will succeed in killing him, and spend her life in jail, leaving her children in the loving care of the family that formed him.
When I was a 19 year old battered wife in Alabama, this is how it went: cops called by neighbors, not because they cared, because of the noise. Cops enter....obviously drunken hubby, baby screaming, me bleeding, glasses smashed, furniture awry. Cop: "now honey, try to get along with him a little better"
To him: "kinda keep it down, okay?" Exeunt. Now I get another whole beating, plus another one later in the week, solely on account of the cops came and interrupted his perogative.
The only reason I got out was, he made the error of beating me when I had the grocery money for the monthly shopping trip to the big city. And I left when he left for work...years later I read that highly-paid "researchers" had determined that leaving is the Most dangerous time as it is a direct challenge to their power and authority. Yeah, no kidding. The reason they did the research is because they did not believe us, the victims, when we told them that, for years we were just perceived as "weak" ..........no, asshats, we were scared to death. Literally!
Tracy Thurman's successful lawsuit changed a lot!
This all happened to me 50 years ago...I still flinch at a sudden movement in my vicinity, my horrible nightmares of him killing my entire family only ended after his death. Every time apply make up I see/feel the scars around my left eye....never stops reminding me.
Imagine if I had had a person who tells me gawd loves me also telling me I should stay!
They been conditioned since birth to be submissive. Adding to that are the church teachings. Finally, fear of losing their family, church friends, jobs, kids, and possibly their life if they try to leave. They may have no emotional, physical,or monetary support.
Women are indoctrinated from day one to be submissive, know their place, get married, have babies, never contradict her husband, and take whatever he hands out. I was raised in a fundamentalist christian family, and although, I have several family members with good marriages, and, for the most part are nearly equal partners, when it comes down to it, men are the head of the family, no matter what.
Christian fundamentalists are not completely uniform here but there's a general tendency to teach a concept that they share with Islam and Judaism called "complementarianism". This states that men and women have different, complimentary roles. Also, there is a hierarchical structure, with men under god, women under men, children under their parents. In their belief-system, this is how authority flows from god to various members of the family unit.
This is highly compatible with patriarchal notions obviously; in this system, men are accountable only to god as head of the household. Even a less than virtuous / godly man. God's blessing magically flows to women who submit to their husbands, even husbands that mistreat them.
In fairness, some pastors / denominations draw the line at domestic violence, substance abuse and the like, but many -- possibly most -- do not. These rigid notions of lines of authority become a way to sweep inconvenient truths under the carpet.
It was my experience in fundamentalism that the doctrine of sanctification -- the notion that when you become a Christian, you are progressively made more virtuous and good through the power of god -- always had primacy and this notion was protected at all costs. So long as a man attends church and provides for his family (for some given value of "provide" ), he's often given a free pass. Women, on the other hand, are not to be "uppity", are to quietly keep home and nurture the children.
Its part of the domestic violence cycle. Its ALWAYS blame the victim in these situations. The reason women "allow" it is because they've been brainwashed by their families, churches and partners to accept the blame their whole lives. "Woman is by nature sinful" etc.
It's hard to next to impossible to break an entire lifetime of training to be victimized. The better question is why those who know better aren't doing more to intervene.