Why is it ok to body shame lean women but not heavy women?
I put it off because I thought she would get defensive.
All my life, I have been mocked for being "too skinny." I laugh it off, making fun of myself. But it stings. The message is I'm not good enough.
Yesterday I finally confronted Kathy. "I have a request, " I said. "I would never body shame you. I want you to stop body shaming me."
"When did I body shame you?" she asked.
"When we go for walks, you have repeatedly made fun of my body," I replied. "You called me scrawny and skinny. It's hurtful."
"I was teasing you," she replied. "I like to tease people. Actually, I'm envious. You always stay slim."
"I love food too much," she said. "I hate my big gut. I'm sorry."
"You were very gracious," I replied. "Thank you."
8
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In a series, I'm reading, the main character refers to herself as 'traditionally' built (she is (heavy). Maybe you should think of yourself as 'superiorly' built.
jackjr
Level 7
Feb 23, 2023
2
Very funny! Thanks for the compliment.
@LiterateHiker One's health, especially at our 'stage of life,' is not funny and should be of paramount importance. It is for me and seems so for you. I see a lot of people in our age range in our local gym. Most are men. We recently had a celebration and I was asked to participate in a 'plank' competition. There were 10 that signed up but 8 that showed up - 7 men and one petite woman (Carol is petite on the board and a regular). When we started I discovered having a large crowd watch you is a strong motivation. It's been a while and I figured I last maybe 2 minutes. In the end I lasted 3.28. Then it came down to 2, Carol and Corwin (he's about my size). Corwin did a straight arm (with a lift) and Carol was on elbows. Everybody watched and cheered their gender. Carol dropped out about 6 1/2 minutes (1.20 on the video) and Corwin lasted another full minute. Corwin is 82. He's in the beginning of the film, beard, cap and on the treadmill. The main trainer is Heidi Strong (larger, red head woman). Last May I was member of the month. This is serious business for me.
I’m glad you spoke up.
ADKSparky
Level 8
Feb 23, 2023
4
Thank you for your support.
I am glad that you told her how you feel. Even though we know some of the things that our friends and family said to us to us are not completely accurate, but we start to believe them because love and honesty are expected form the ones who should have our best interests at heart. You are fabulous!
vegan66
Level 6
Feb 23, 2023
2
Thank you!
I am against shaming anybody for their body. I will only tease somebody when I am very sure of the relationship and I know that the other person will take it well.
anglophone
Level 9
Feb 23, 2023
2
It's never okay to shame anyone for their natural body shape or weight. We all have mirrors and know what we look like and how much we weigh. No comments need to be made.
People unknowingly do make comments, because they don't know better, or are repeating things they've heard others say, without thinking. Gentle reminders that it's hurtful are all we can do. Hopefully more people will just accept and love people as they are and mind their own business.
Julie808
Level 8
Feb 23, 2023
2
I saw your photos.
If you’re 5’7” and weigh less than 112 pounds you are dangerously thin. That’s why they had a fake charity on an LA radio station called meals for McBeal because the actress was so skinny.
You appear to be athletic so I wouldn’t worry.
Besides some people count on your insecurities to force your life open to them.
If he can’t handle you at your Hela he doesn’t deserve you at your Galadriel.
Willow_Wisp
Level 8
Feb 22, 2023
2
It depends on your body type:
- Ectomorph
- Mesomorph
- Endomorph
Look it up. I have an ectomorph body: long and lean, narrow frame, delicate bones, hardgainer ( hard to gain weight and muscle) and a fast metabolism.
As a kid, my joke was if I stick out my tongue and turn sideways I look like a zipper.
Why is it ok to criticize anyone's body -- too large or too small?
They generally don't have easy control over it.
The only legitimate exception I can think of off the top of my head is during an examination -- when you go there asking for physical advice.
Long ago a doctor told me I was about 30 lbs overweight.
Her -- "So... How long have you been that way?"
Me (It was long enough ago I could actually remember) --""About 1986".
Her -- "So... When did you get married?"
Me -- "Oh."
That was long before we stopped eating meat and worrying about our weights. Ha, ha.
RichCC
Level 8
Feb 22, 2023
3
You were right to call her out, and probably should have done so years ago. As women we need to life each other up. It is not OK to body shame anyone. The body is just the package we inhabit. Our bodies are partly choice (I'm a stress eater and chocolate addict) and genetics which we can't control. Who we are is much more important that what our bodies look like.
HippieChick58
Level 9
Feb 22, 2023
3
Thank you, dear. I appreciate your wisdom and support.
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