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Financial rules-who pays for what

My question is about who pays for things on dates. I can pay for myself for inexpensive dinners or tickets to the movies. But, if something like a weekend away or a vacation comes up do I just need to decline because I can't afford it? I have a very meager budget. But, can I let the other person pay if they can afford it? Things used to be simple lol.

Booklover 7 May 12
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20 comments

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1

The person who invites the other should expect to pay.

2

I expect to pay unless we discuss otherwise. If it’s important to my date to take turns or pay half I respect that.

2

I'm old fashioned. If I'm being taken out I expect to be taken out. It doesn't have to be fancy.

2

I usually switch with someone I'm dating. TBH if a woman expects me to pay for everything on the first 2-3 dates when we haven't discussed anything, I stop dating her. My last girlfriend didn't have much money, so I paid for more but we discussed all that and I was happy to help.

4

I'm a bit 'old-fashioned' perhaps, but my thought is whoever asks, pays. I would never go on a 'date' that I couldn't afford. Maybe that's why I stay close to the house.

5

Being gay, teh "who pays" think has always been a question, which is usually solved by each pay thing their own way, unless specified beforehand.

I have let others pay for trips if they offered. I'd liek to think that if finances were reversed, that I'd be the one offering.

I think for me it isn't who pays, but if the other person pays, is it just a gift or do they expect something in return? If I thought it was the later, I'd take a pass, as I am not for sale (or rent).

2

I've paid for my recent dates. But, I have not done any vacation stuff so I don't know what to say. However, I'd like to find out, ha ha!

Lol

I was recently asked to accompany a friend on a vacation. He said that "sharing the experience" is better WITH someone vs. traveling alone. To an extent, this is true. So, I insisted on paying my airfare and paid for an activity. He paid for the rest, It was completely negotiated. We are platonic and not romantic. Hope this helps

4

I just assume that I'm going to pay for everything and budget accordingly. The point is usually to spend time with another person, not worry about who's paying. If I don't think I can afford to cover the costs for everything, I come up with something else to do instead. At the end, if the other person decides to pay some of the cost, that's fine with me but I don't have any expectation that they will.

I also never loan money or other things (books, movies, etc.) to people - I just rationalize it as I'm giving them a gift. If they pay back the money or return the thing they borrowed, I'm appreciative but it's not an expectation I have when I give something away

3

Things are sooooo way not as simple as they used to be. This is a whole new ballgame for me and I'm compiling new rules as I learn. Dating, if you're serious, is an endeavor.
I'll have to suss someone out way more thoroughly in the future next go 'round. If I can't "verify" stuff, it's off before it even gets to the gate. The end. Don't like that? Don't even think about "dating" me.
Weekends away and vacations??? That's an advanced stage I'd think and by then all financial stuff should've been hashed out to even consider it.

3

I usually pay unless the woman is in a similar financial position, then we'd take turns. For a vacation or something else expensive, we'd discuss and make clear who's paying for what or if we just split the costs.

If you are going out with someone long enough to go away for a weekend or on a vacation you should know each other's general financial position. An answer like, "I'd love to go but can't afford it", is totally acceptable. I wouldn't ask someone who wasn't in my financial position to do anything that I wasn't prepared to pay for.

2

My take on this is whoever invites the other out offers to pay. This way, if one is not as financially well off as the other, they can organise a cheap date.

KenG Level 6 May 13, 2018
3

just be honest

0

Describe relationship. Someone you met 5 seconds ago or five years ago?

He's hypothetical right now. Lol. Let's say I've known him for several months and we quite like each other.

2

I try to take turns but we live on a pretty meager budget though, so sometimes I have to make concessions or be creative...an easy hike and a picnic, cooking your favorite meal. I also don't sweat the small stuff. If they can afford it and wish to pay, I'm OK with that. I still try to contribute in smaller ways. Maybe I can't afford an expensive dinner...but maybe I can pay the tip or for coffee or dessert after...maybe I can't afford to take a holiday but I can buy the meals or some of the entertainment if we go...and if somehow I have the extra income, I don't mind paying...i just hope my date somehow contributes towards the experience or plans another date or experience.

0

I try to take turns but we live on a pretty meager budget though, so sometimes I have to make concessions or be creative...an easy hike and a picnic, cooking your favorite meal. I also don't sweat the small stuff. If they can afford it and wish to pay, I'm OK with that. I still try to contribute in smaller ways. Maybe I can't afford an expensive dinner...but maybe I can pay the tip or for coffee or dessert after...maybe I can't afford to take a holi

1

Things used to be afordable. ?

Historically Things have not been cheap since the 50s. The Man paying was common because women didn’t have money and they didn’t work but that all changed during the late 50s and 60s. Single Income for a family and the wife could stay at home. That doesn’t work these days it’s almost $30,000 for a basic car. Utilities are skyrocket, you get next to nothing in your cart for $100 at the grocery store ?(how many people have sat in their car and checked out their grocery receipt to see if something went wrong and you were overcharged because it’s so expensive), and housing prices are on the rise. It is the reason why there is so much violence with young people these days none of them have a mom at home with one of her eyebrows raised wondering what they did that day.

Historically Things have not been cheap since the 50s. The Man paying was common because women didn’t have money and they didn’t work but that all changed during the late 50s and 60s. Single Income for a family and the wife could stay at home. That doesn’t work these days it’s almost $30,000 for a basic car. Utilities are skyrocket, you get next to nothing in your cart for $100 at the grocery store ?(how many people have sat in their car and checked out their grocery receipt to see if something went wrong and you were overcharged because it’s so expensive), and housing prices are on the rise. It is the reason why there is so much violence with young people these days none of them have a mom at home with one of her eyebrows raised wondering what they did that day.

Historically Things have not been cheap since the 50s. The Man paying was common because women didn’t have money and they didn’t work but that all changed during the late 50s and 60s. Single Income for a family and the wife could stay at home. That doesn’t work these days it’s almost $30,000 for a basic car. Utilities are skyrocket, you get next to nothing in your cart for $100 at the grocery store ?(how many people have sat in their car and checked out their grocery receipt to see if something went wrong and you were overcharged because it’s so expensive), and housing prices are on the rise. It is the reason why there is so much violence with young people these days none of them have a mom at home with one of her eyebrows raised wondering what they did that day.

Historically Things have not been cheap since the 50s. The Man paying was common because women didn’t have money and they didn’t work but that all changed during the late 50s and 60s. Single Income for a family and the wife could stay at home. That doesn’t work these days it’s almost $30,000 for a basic car. Utilities are skyrocket, you get next to nothing in your cart for $100 at the grocery store ?(how many people have sat in their car and checked out their grocery receipt to see if something went wrong and you were overcharged because it’s so expensive), and housing prices are on the rise. It is the reason why there is so much violence with young people these days none of them have a mom at home with one of her eyebrows raised wondering what they did that day.

Historically Things have not been cheap since the 50s. The Man paying was common because women didn’t have money and they didn’t work but that all changed during the late 50s and 60s. Single Income for a family and the wife could stay at home. That doesn’t work these days it’s almost $30,000 for a basic car. Utilities are skyrocket, you get next to nothing in your cart for $100 at the grocery store ?(how many people have sat in their car and checked out their grocery receipt to see if something went wrong and you were overcharged because it’s so expensive), and housing prices are on the rise. It is the reason why there is so much violence with young people these days none of them have a mom at home with one of her eyebrows raised wondering what they did that day.

Historically Things have not been cheap since the 50s. The Man paying was common because women didn’t have money and they didn’t work but that all changed during the late 50s and 60s. Single Income for a family and the wife could stay at home. That doesn’t work these days it’s almost $30,000 for a basic car. Utilities are skyrocket, you get next to nothing in your cart for $100 at the grocery store ?(how many people have sat in their car and checked out their grocery receipt to see if something went wrong and you were overcharged because it’s so expensive), and housing prices are on the rise. It is the reason why there is so much violence with young people these days none of them have a mom at home with one of her eyebrows raised wondering what they did that day.

Historically Things have not been cheap since the 50s. The Man paying was common because women didn’t have money and they didn’t work but that all changed during the late 50s and 60s. Single Income for a family and the wife could stay at home. That doesn’t work these days it’s almost $30,000 for a basic car. Utilities are skyrocket, you get next to nothing in your cart for $100 at the grocery store ?(how many people have sat in their car and checked out their grocery receipt to see if something went wrong and you were overcharged because it’s so expensive), and housing prices are on the rise. It is the reason why there is so much violence with young people these days none of them have a mom at home with one of her eyebrows raised wondering what they did that day.

Historically Things have not been cheap since the 50s. The Man paying was common because women didn’t have money and they didn’t work but that all changed during the late 50s and 60s. Single Income for a family and the wife could stay at home. That doesn’t work these days it’s almost $30,000 for a basic car. Utilities are skyrocket, you get next to nothing in your cart for $100 at the grocery store ?(how many people have sat in their car and checked out their grocery receipt to see if something went wrong and you were overcharged because it’s so expensive), and housing prices are on the rise. It is the reason why there is so much violence with young people these days none of them have a mom at home with one of her eyebrows raised wondering what they did that day.

Historically Things have not been cheap since the 50s. The Man paying was common because women didn’t have money and they didn’t work but that all changed during the late 50s and 60s. Single Income for a family and the wife could stay at home. That doesn’t work these days it’s almost $30,000 for a basic car. Utilities are skyrocket, you get next to nothing in your cart for $100 at the grocery store ?(how many people have sat in their car and checked out their grocery receipt to see if something went wrong and you were overcharged because it’s so expensive), and housing prices are on the rise. It is the reason why there is so much violence with young people these days none of them have a mom at home with one of her eyebrows raised wondering what they did that day.

Historically Things have not been cheap since the 50s. The Man paying was common because women didn’t have money and they didn’t work but that all changed during the late 50s and 60s. Single Income for a family and the wife could stay at home. That doesn’t work these days it’s almost $30,000 for a basic car. Utilities are skyrocket, you get next to nothing in your cart for $100 at the grocery store ?(how many people have sat in their car and checked out their grocery receipt to see if something went wrong and you were overcharged because it’s so expensive), and housing prices are on the rise. It is the reason why there is so much violence with young people these days none of them have a mom at home with one of her eyebrows raised wondering what they did that day.

1

It may be "Old Fashioned" but i was brought up with the man pays,end of story.

Coldo Level 8 May 13, 2018
5

"I'd love to come but I simply can't afford it" is a perfectly acceptable response to an invitation outside of your price range. The other party then has three options "Don't worry, I'm paying.", "Oh that's a shame" or the most awkward "I'll cover you and you can pay me back". This last requires a follow up on your part to the affect "You do realize that is not happening any time soon short of me winning the lottery."
Nothing wrong with somebody else paying regardless of who they are as long as they don't expect a payment in kind you're not happy to make.

Kimba Level 7 May 13, 2018
3

I am the same as yourself...I try to pay my own way and decline if not! If the other person offers, I will accept!

4

I used to travel with a friend who made much, much more than I did. We always agreed who paid for what in advance that way there was no confusion or expectations.

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