Society's way of getting us into a system where we don't have to ask the ruling forces to support us I guess. I've always detested that "blood is thicker than" nonsense. It's led to all kinds of rubbish like a mother's love being innate and our identities being the result of (and indelibly linked to) our ancestry. My cousin and one of my "daughter's of my heart" suffer(ed) severe emotional and sometimes physical abuse at the hands of their mothers and yet they persist in attempting to maintain relationships with them. And I continue to be their support system. If another person tells me it's natural that they do this, I may hit them. I love my family - both my biological and self-built ones - but there has to be reciprocity to all relationships.

My mother is toxic for reasons I won't go into detail here. I have not told her that I love her in decades because I don't. She is three states away and that's still too close. I have found a way to keep some kind of connection while still maintaining my sanity because she is a very large part of me, both the bad and good. She is 75 and has not changed. In fact she gets worse as she gets older. I will be helping her/pushing her into some kind of senior living in the near future not out of affection but because that is what she needs. I want to make sure she can still maintain some dignity and I am one of the few people left she hasn't pushed away.

Your life is your own. If something you have choice over is making you miserable, change it. Sometimes you can have loneliness, tightening your circle, but most times, it’s the best for YOU.

In my family, we have some people who married into the family that either don’t agree with one of us (or more) or one of us (or more) don’t agree with them. They don’t come to gatherings if those of us are there. It works out for the best.

Sometimes it is kindness to others, sometimes just for spite, sometimes it is showing that you live the standards you have set for yourself and which you can be proud of.

As they say "you can pick your nose and you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family." I can, however, choose to dismiss myself from their presence when the topic at hand becomes too unbearable.

I definitely learned the hard way that you can be so much freer without some people in your life. That's the great thing about growing up, we get to choose who we keep in our environment. We no longer have to surround ourselves with family dysfunction if we don't want to.

They should not. I definitely do not abide with such non-sense. I have several family members I haven't had any contact with or spoken to in years. If I don't respect them in the least...or usually if I hold them in contempt, why would I want to get along with them?

They shouldn't. When I was 12 years old my 18 yr old male cousin babysat me and my sister. When I took an inner child class I came to the realization that I had been sexually abused. I always wondered why my cousin avoided me at family gatherings and my family denied anything happened to keep the family together.