I bring to all of you an alternative religion to which I would like you all to convert. I bring to you the glory of Crustianity, the world's largest and foremost bread-based religion!

We pray to our trinity, Yahwheat the giant magical bread dragon, his son Grilled Cheesus Crust, and the Holy Toast! His glory is passed down to us in the Holy Ryeble, made up of the New and Old Tastyments. It contains such stories as that of Doughses, who climbed up the mountain and was granted the Ten Crumbandments, and Loafah, who was told of the great jelly flood and constructed a giant breadbox in which to store two seeds of every grain species.

After death, good people, believer or not, are sent to Awesomeville, a kickass place near Alpha Centauri with go-kart monster truck rallies, monster truck go-kart tracks, and a Hall and Oates concert every Friday. Bad people, believer or not, are sent to Detroit, Michigan, for all eternity, where you spend your afterlife in a Groundhogs Day loop where you get mugged and lose your job in the automotive industry every day.

I hope that you all consider converting to this wondrous religion.
CinnAmen.

For the two of you who didn't get it by now, this is all a joke.