Steering clear of some horrible childhood errors that I still stress over, too much... I started out fairly tightly wound. When I was in my 20's, I'd've described myself as a homophobe (and proud of it). I was a grammar nazi. I thought there was ONE way to use English and that was it. I would also have to add that my thoughts and ideas on race, while not vocalized, if you will, were not healthy for having been razed by a father who just didn't see race and told very off color jokes, who would say things that were in support of "red lining' (the practice of lending money to affluent neighborhoods at one rate, and either not lending, or lending at disadvantageous rates, to less affluent neighborhoods) neighborhoods, white flight, and the forced suppression of wealth caused by same. It wasn't that he (or I) were overtly racist but we were among the majority of privileged folks who simply didn't see that they WERE racist in their support of behavior that... once seen is readily noted as being... just wrong and truly racist in a passive way (not trying to get sympathy, or say that it's ok, it's not, just being honest in that we were both, are in my case, opposed to organizations such as the KKK and Nazis but, talked in ways that didn't oppose these sorts of issues... and I will admit to this and apologize where necessary for my behavior when I was young).,

As I grew, the first bit of breakage was to realize that Latin is a dead language (as are a few others that are spoken but only, truly, in scholarly circles, not in societal circles). A dead language is a language that is not spoken by a large enough group to 'grow' and modify with advances in society or technology. Thus, you won't, or are highly unlikely to, talk about computers in Latin.

This caused me to think of English (and other 'live' languages) different. Being alive, they grow, and alter and thus the rules of grammar and usage will and do change and do so in a natural, holistic, way as society and technology (at the least) change. Not least of which for things like a Googol, a larger number being needed or "discovered" and the name of same entering regular parlance. When I was young, speaking of a Billion was rare, now we speak of Trillions fairly commonly.

This caused my inner grammar nazi to evolve and recognize that there is formal language, and informal (or street) language. I still push for formal language to be learned, to be used properly and for it to be used in certain circles and used well in those circles AND to change, very slowly, and only at need in those circles. Those circles are places like the News, academia, and legal circles (which would include politics/diplomacy). These are circles that truly need very clear and well understood language to communicate complex ideas and have maximal understanding of same.

I joined the Military in my mid late 20s and was forced to interact with people of all sorts of persuasions. Those who were more devout and those less. People of color and people who were as colored as I (not at all). I saw how the military broke us all down into one simple unit: man, and built us up into: Man/Soldier. We were equals... mostly. After the military, I had a few experiences (still military related) that further opened my eyes to racism. I was the subject of what some would, incorrectly, call 'reverse' racism in that my NCO proceeded to give only men of color rank. I didn't notice this until the colored men of my unit raised a class action suit against the Sgts of color, who were doing this, in our unit (this was just before, and after, I exited service). It caused me to watch for inequalities, injustices and to notice when people were being treated differently and to be open, less tightly wound, to concepts of racism and justice. Later, as I trained to become a teacher, this knowledge was deepened and now I am happy to consider myself a SJW... granted, I still consider myself a work in progress... but, aren't we all? Leastwise, until we die?

Finally, I've always been CIS Gendered. Male, Heterosexual and interested in females, though not averse to males. When I was young, I was trepidatious about homosexual males and concerned that maybe something untoword would happen if I were to associate with them. Because they were a complete unknown to me and I was interested in women, not men and thus NOT interested in having that attitude changed... not realizing that it won't change. Again, I have associated with people who are sexually wound more tightly than I am, and are radically unwound... and that association, that talking to and socializing with people of all walks opened my eyes. Some of this I did get, also, in my training to become a teacher and I have progressed to where I realize I am what I am, and there is nothing to fear from anyone who is what they is. We can all coexist and be friends... it's taken time though (and it didn't hurt to have good friends along for the ride).

No small part of this gender awareness occurred in a class when I was training to teach. In this particular class the teacher came up to me, knowing I was a vet, and asked if I would be leaving class when the next subject came up. I said no... apparently, she had a vet who was too tightly wound for that next class. What was the next class? She brought in people who were LGBTQ and had them talk about issues related to same. One was powerful. Came in presenting male, with a baseball cap, big biceps, coveralls, boots, etc. He began to speak about how he was angry as a youth, hyper male. Football player who lettered. Constantly getting into fights. Drinking heavily... and never happy. As he was talking, he began to strip. He told of an epiphany, in which he realized that his hyper sexuality was... well, exaggerated and very cis... and he realized that he wasn't male, or at least didn't think of himself that way. As soon as he had that realization, he wasn't upset all the time. He gave himself permission to be soft and gentle, to be female and... became happy. As he stripped, it was a bit like someone emerging from a cocoon.... a woman, in fact, emerging from a male cocoon. She was, at that time, in the process of gender reassignment and she was happy.

At first I thought, why did we need to learn this. The lesson of the other vet who could not, would not, handle this was my answer. I was aiming to teach. If I was too tightly wound, and I had a child in my classroom who identified as NOT what they seemed to be... how was I to react? We have a lot of anecdotal, and research, evidence that shows forcing an individual to fit YOUR definition of what they are usually leads to someone (usually most everyone) being unhappy. Better to gently guide and let them discover who they are and be happy, unlike the emerging woman from the lesson who had so much anger in her life as a male. And IF I were too tightly wound, I might not be able to do that... better to learn to loosen those bindings about myself here and now, enough that I can "do no harm" as a teacher (at worst).

All of this caused me to do a lot of soul searching and to, internally, discuss who I was and who I am and thus to do some 'adjustments' to my 'bindings' as I didn't want to be that tightly wound. I am still CIS, and I am ok with that. I have friends who are... all kinds of things and I am ok with that. My only real concern here is that of finding an attractive woman only to find, too late, that she has more equipment than I prefer... I intend to act respectfully, gently, in that situation and I know, everyone would say that I'll know before we get there... I just like to ponder and trap, to think ahead, all eventualities and to prepare myself to act appropriately... Wish I'd done more of this when I was young.

So, how tightly wound am I? Loosely enough to be happy with who I am... though, I am still a grieving work in progress.

I have always tried to treat other people well and fairly. I genuinely like most people and am empathic enought to suffer for haming others.... I try to be a good person instead of having a rigid code.

Being honest and straightforward is so much easier and definitely less stressful than the alternative. If you have respect for your fellow human, you won't want to steal or lie or hurt them in anyway

Like you I used to lie and cheat. Then it dawned on me that it was just so much easier to be straight. Its like when you have made a mistake constructing something. You can try and bodge it or you can take it apart and do it right. You will find that most times its easier and quicker to do the latter.If you dont lie you dont have to remember what you said. If you don`t cheat then you get the thrill of winning all to yourself.
Having said this I also made a vow not to do anything illegal or immoral for less than £5

I try to be honest in all my dealings because I like people to be honest with me. I once thumped a guy that had caused my daughter to get into serious trouble at college. And then swore to the police that I hadn't. His word against mine so I got off. I would probably do the same again.
My moral code in general is to do to others as you would have them do to you. And If I did what that guy did I would expect to get a thumping.

Welcome to our community. I hope you will enjoy the diversity here.

I was thirteen when I became disillusioned with religion and my mom was a non-practicing Christian. She taught me at a young age that you can't teach someone how to be compassionate, considerate, caring, understanding, and empathetic you develop morals by trying to see from another's perspective and that takes practice.

The church may preach about morals but don't explain how to develop and achieve them so many followers fake it. I'll give an example...A few years back a neighbor of mine was a devout Christian who went to church regularly and was very involved with their many programs. She constantly talked about being a compassionate, understanding and empathetic person. Her daughter and my niece were playing with some of the neighborhood children outside. My neighbor saw one child that she didn't approve of and invited all the children into her home and very specifically excluded this one child. When I asked why, she told me she thought the parents were riffraff and didn't want her daughter around any of their children. I called my niece to come home and invited the outcast child in to play.

I have seen many examples of fake morals and I am constantly reminded of my mom and the lesson of her words. I practice and I try not to be judgmental. I like to think that I now succeed more often than I fail.

I do what I think is right, but that can be a little off what I suspect is good. Example:I don't lie to people as a rule but lying to idiot's at work to get thing's done could be acceptable, especially they're the problem in the 1st place. Its 2 wrongs don't make a right vs 2 insignificant wrongs getting the job done at no extra cost. Life isn't simple. Morality can't be rigid.
My morality has built up over years, I look back at some decisions I've made with regret.