I have three that changed me

1. my youngest died of SIDS in 1992 when he was three weeks old. It's bad enough burying your child, but having the idiot officiating tell us that we should be glad he died because now he won't have to go through all the trials of growing up. Pretty much cemented my atheism.

2. My best friend was murdered in 2009 by a kid in his class in front of the class. The kid that murdered him was kicked out of the Texas Youth Commission facility (juvenile detention) because he was too disturbed and violent. My friend was murdered less than a month later. I recently looked up the kid that killed him on google and he's still too disturbed to go to trial. At least he's in a mental facility and not on the streets.

3. My last husband died suddenly of heart failure less than two weeks after I buried my father (Oct 2014). We were estranged, but I still loved him dearly. I'm still trying to get over that.

My partner of 30 yrs died almost 2 yrs ago. It was horribly painful for him physically and for me mentally. It was devastating. After watching him die I definitely believe in euthanasia. I cry every day. I am battling depression, but making progress. I drink way too much since he died. I used to be a very happy person and now I could care less if I died tomorrow. Don't worry, I'm not suicidal. I just recently have been able to appreciate him being in my life instead of just dwelling on the horrible final days. Slowly starting to get my life back in order. Its hard trying to be enthusiastic about anything if you have no one to share it with. I have been forcing my self to re-engage with the world and its been beneficial.

I was raised by my grandmother. She passed and in the wake I was in her room in a corner crying... my first born daughter no more than 3 years old at the time came to me and asked me if I was crying because I lost my Mommy... I said yes... she said That it was Okay because she had a Mommy and she could be my Mommy too. I just hugged her and got up. Didn't cried anymore. I was ready for her passing. I been ready since a child. My first best friend died when I was 11, he was 12. I learned then that all is temporary. I remember receiving all his comics he received in the hospital... all those plans we talked about as kids were taken away. Just lost my high school wingman a year ago. So many adventures we were the only one that could validate the other. My Brother In Love just passed Nov 18. The first voice I hear in the morning and last voice I hear at night. Got to help my sister with that unexpected lost. he was 7 years my junior. I am running out of friends faster I can make new ones... Maybe that is what I am doing here... But I am strong and a fighter. Still I am afraid of losing a child... or a partner before due time. Maybe my worst fears. But that is us... Here Today, Gone Tomorrow.

When I was 21 one of my closest friends was murdered because of mistaken identity. The killer thought my friend was someone who sold lethal drugs to his cousin but after the attack he realized it was the wrong person. He died for no reason at all. through my 20's since that time it has been a lot of ups and downs with deep depression, alcoholism, drugs and anxiety problems. I struggled with these issues before that but after that my problems got much much worse. I don't think I will ever truly get over it, especially the depression part.

I guess my mother's death, partly because the death of a parent is hard on its own, even when the relationship is somewhat strained, but also because it was a long, slow process (cancer) and there was nothing to do but watch as she wasted away, endured great pain, and ultimately went delirious as her blood became toxic and her pain meds clouded whatever was left of her mind. Witnessing that convinced me that I'd never allow myself to endure such agony or allow my loved ones to watch helplessly; I'll end myself if I'm ever in that circumstance long before I'm incapable.

I had a younger Sister that died of AIDS. Nasty way to go. The whole downhill trip was excruciatingly awful for all involved. Brought me to a much deeper understanding of the disease and those who live with it.

A good friend who died of brain cancer ( same kind as John McCain) - relatively quickly, and way too young. She was the most lovable, talented and funny nut. She made me laugh till my stomach hurt - even in those last days. Miss her badly.

My Mom - who's been gone now 7yrs. Gorgeous inside and out. A great Mom in so many ways. I feel this one most deeply. Our Moms (usually) are our very best fan club ! Always there.
During the same period, one of my cats also died. Tore me up , as I was running out of reserves by then !

I long ago accepted that "grief bombs" can drop on me at any time. I go with them when they do ... : (

I lost a sister and a dog this year. I've lost my dad too but I had a dog that I lost about 15 years ago and it really hit me. I nearly went to the doctors because I couldn't stop breaking down over his loss.

I lost my son in a car wreck in '91. I was going through a divorce at the time, and he was in the car with my ex-wife when she wrecked. He died at the scene. I was so devastated that I couldn't accept the fact that he was gone. For a year I would wake up every morning, hoping it was a dream, and then have to try to accept it all over again. It has been 26 years and I still miss him terribly. He was only 10 years old, so I missed watching him grow up and everything that goes along with that. It's hard to express the level of pain I felt. It has gotten more bearable over the years, but I still feel it intensely to this day.

By far and away it was the loss of my wife. Talk about crushing grief. We were together 23 years, married 18. How has it affected me? Emotionally, I am an easy target for tears now. I cry at pretty much anything emotional that occurs near me, read, heard or whatever. I can sometimes suppress it, sometimes there is no way. Oh, and at random times, for no apparent reason I will just burst into tears. Really weird that.

It's also that I feel rudderless. Without her, it's hard for me to come up with a plan of what to do with my life. I can do day to day, immediate things/decisions. Decisions that are related to career or where I will live or, whatever, no... can't do those, yet. I see far too many possibilities to settle on just one. So, I can't decide. And, yes, this is decidedly different and yes, I acknowledge that some of this is age.

One of my longest friends. We met when we were teens and starting out.I was on the track for medicine. He was interested but decided to go to NYC for acting. We were always in touch and the distance didnt change anything. Once he came back to the area and I went to visit him. I was thinking I would suggest we get together since we had gotten along for so long. Well he introduced me to his eventual wife that day. SURPRISE. TIme passed and we continued to talk though less frequently. About 10 years later he calls to tell me he has pancreatic cancer. He can no longer work and his family went to bring him, his wife and 3 kids home. WHen he left Seattle his healthcare insurance no longer covered him.I took over his hospice type care which included doing therapeutic paracentesis as he would have so much fluid build up in his abdomen he couldnt breath.All this at home with just basic physical exam care and trepidation.I wasnt there when he died but came a few minutes later. I was not part of the family so they just called me to declare him dead. THey knew he was on the way out.
The other a man that I also knew from my teens.He was the one that just said one sentence that made me believe I could go into medicine.I am white and he was black. We were very close but he told me we could not go further because of the racial divide. I didnt get it until someone burned a cross in a yard down the street in town in Louisville,KY. Another story of contact over the years as we went on with our lives. THe last time I called I got a recording saying he had died. It was bout a year before this call but I spoke with him a few days before he passed and did not know it. Very sad for me.
Losing the two people that knew me longest in life outside my family kind of unmoors me.Trying to connect with someone else with both of us having such a long history with no overlap is just not the same and more difficult to establish trust

My father died at 90 two years ago after years of in and out of the hospital. I had a problem with his death because one week before he died he was yelling and swearing at me for arguing with my mother and the next time I saw him he was some unknown corpse in a casket in the funeral home.

I have lost so many friends due to drugs and alcohol it is impossible to pick just one. (As a former Marine, I also have deaths that I am in direct involvement with, but I don't think this is what you mean, but it was my first thought.) I have three that hit me hard, one that is too complicated to go into here. First one is my ex-'wife' (we weren't legally married ever, but we were together for a long time, off and on). Her death hurt her sons very deeply and permanently and are still destroying them to this day. Which hurts me by proxy. The second is my friend Dogboy who chose a life of meth that he knew was going to kill him (a juvenile diabetic). He slowly lost body parts and then died. Pissed me off. But it was his choice. I couldn't be around him while he was jacked on that shit, which was all the time: here is him a while before he died:

Both of my parents died in 2008 four months apart.
Mom from a long battle with cancer.
Dad from a long battle with Alzheimer's related illness.

Mom died first and dad was in a home after she died he would ask how she was doing whenever I visited even though he was at her funeral. It was heartbreaking.

My wife committing suicide 5 years ago. It was months before I could return to work, and even then I wasn't able to fully function. I couldn't open up about issues without breaking down and my work suffered as a result. I've become very aware of how life can turn on you in an instant and that we never know what's really going on in someone's head or heart.

Death is a natural event. It is not an earth=shattering event unless the death is violent and senseless. We all know it is coming and should not fear it. When a person we have loved and valued dies, we feel grief at the loss of contact with that person, but we hold dearly to the memories we still have.

The most difficult death was the one of my partner some 1 1/2 years ago. She developed an inoperable brain tumor. Luckily for her and all around her there were no ill affects other than losing her speech. She was upbeat, sent a message of no tears no prayers and was the kind of death one would consider ideal for her but not for others. I think losing one so close would be traumatic for every one and I can't imagine going through what Victoria went through and she has my deepest empathy. However, the huge change in me is that I will never take another for granted again. We should foster and cherish what we have. A number in our community told me their relationship became stronger because of her death.

Strangely enough, before I met my partner I was dating another woman. There was a lot of hidden information and things seemed a little odd (political disagreements). One day we went for a walk on a local beach and she informed she was severely depressed and taking Lithium which was not working. 2 days later she shot herself. I had given her a Parade magazine months earlier and there was an article of a book that told how one could commit suicide without bringing trauma to others. She had taken a gun and pointed it down inside her instead of out.

The really shocking fact that came out was that she was a professor of Political Science at UC Berkley. She had a teenage son but, because of taking LSD she lost her mind and was in an institution for 10 years. She came to Seattle to start a new life. The part that hit me was that she had told her family she was seeing someone and had told him of her problem. Later she became so paranoid about the revelation and that I might tell she couldn't stand to live.

My husband, best friend and confidant, Delwyn. He was the coolest dude it is going on 14yrs..ugh
It totally changed me, but I guess those around me would be able to speak best about it..

I have four wonderful adult daughters, delights in my life. That said, my only son died at age 7 months of cancer in 1977, and if I talk about it or think about it, I am still likely to cry. The pain never goes away, although it does get more distant from my center. That is my most difficult death. My parents were impossible, and when they died at a very advanced age, it was more of a relief that the battle was over. A few months ago my life long best friend committed suicide after an 18 month battle with depression, and I have had a strange mixture of loneliness and anger, but probably haven't processed through the grief yet.

A supervisor of mine many years ago, for a few years we were the only staff at the office I worked in.He was great to work with, only friend I invited to my wedding though he was the same age as and went to school with my father and uncles. His kids were my age. A year after I got married, I was almost 22 and he was 43 and he killed himself at work in a new company so his family would get his payout. All because he was in the job pending passing a medical and it didn't look like he would pass it so he hung himself in the office. Kids at private school, trying to keep up with the Jones's, in this case his wife's family. I knew his kids better than most of his friends because they were only a little younger than I was. But the youngest was only six, and watching him wave good bye to the hearse was heartbreaking.

My niece died unexpectedly from heart surgery complications. Slipped stitches... broken ventilator... brain swelling. She wasn't four months old yet. I was across the country from my family, blindly screaming in my new kitchen. I flew home within hours and no one knew what to do. My parents had no guidance, all they could say was "I don't know... We've never gome through this before." Everyone was just lost and shocked. No one perceived it as a possible outcome. Her body was so bloated from the surgery, her face was so stretched out, she didn't look like herself. After botched surgery #1 they left her chest open in case they fucked up again. All I got for closure was pictures of my sister and brother-in-law holding her pale and unrecognizable body. It's been four months and my sister keeps trying to get pregnant, and I fucking hate it.

I'm scared. I'm traumatized. I have so much self-doubt. I don't want another child in my life. She was my sister's first child, my first niece, my parents' first grandkid. And now she's gone.

I wasn't really close to any1 so I've felt numb

Can't say as I have.