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Is "brutal honesty" unnecessary?

I believe it is...just my opinion: the truth can be told with total accuracy but there's no need to be tactless and nasty with it. It usually seems that brutal honesty is used as a poor excuse to be a dick.
It's almost similar to these anton Lavey Satanists who aren't satisfied simply being atheists...which is a concept that can be summed up in one sentence-"be an asshole because you feel like it".
Arrogance and excessive force isn't a way to get a message across...no one want to hear that.

MattTheRed85 5 Dec 20

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15 comments

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0

I'd prefer brutal honesty to any kind of lies. I do think peopel can be honest and tactful at the saem time though.

0

It's a tool, rarely necessary but sometimes, a bruise is the only way you can get the truth to stick. But just because you need a hammer sometimes, doesn't mean that everything is a nail.

1

Absolutely not. Brutal honesty is just "criticism" at best, and condemnation at worst. If you're brutally honest with someone you love, they'll be hurt and may end up not trusting you anymore. If you're brutally honest with someone you don't love, they'll just call you a d!ck and ignore everything you said. There are subtler and gentler ways to make your point.

If "lying" is troubling, then find a way to say what you need to say in a kinder more gentle way. OR... if it's not life and death, just don't say it. For example, if you're around someone who has a weight problem... they know they have a weight problem. They probably also know that bacon cheese burger they're garnishing with a combination of Ranch, mayo, mustard and ketchup isn't helping them either. They also know that those fries and that milkshake are preventing them from obtaining that god-like body.

The goal of communication is "communicate," and that means "influence." If you desire to influence another person, then it's best to find the ways in which they respond best, and use that as your starting point. Some people like it when those around them are straight-forward. Others prefer a gentler approach. I think brutal honesty is just lazy communication. And besides... what makes you right? Seriously! Do you have research? Clearly you've constructed a hypothesis, but have you tested it? What experiments have you done? What analysis have you done? I want to see your charts and graphs. I want to see your PowerPoint presentation. ONLY THEN, do you have the right to be brutally honest.

Thanks! This put into better words exactly what I was gettin at.

0

I think we as humans need to be aware of our fight or flight responses. Often when avoid being honest with people because it gets us revved up, and that energy is not comfortable to just hold onto. Once we decide to confront the person, and the adrenaline is running, we are likely to do it in "attack mode". Perhaps best to be honest with ourselves before working on being honest with others.

1

If atheism has an 'aim' - and, to be honest, I'm not sure it's as simple as that - it's to persuade people to think and ask questions.

In general, however, if you act like an aggressive cunt you'll get nowhere. The walls go up. 'He's an atheist ASSHOLE!'

It's not universal - sometimes a little 'forcefulness' helps - but most of the time being a relaxed, pleasant, thinking, caring, calm individual works better.

Think of the matter the other way around.

Who is more likely to get the 'religious waverers' into a church? The charming, gracious young man/woman who drinks coffee, listens, shows concern, and softly quotes 'nice sections' of the bible? Or the howling street preacher bellowing, "Get thee into church, you fornicating sinners and foul offspring of demon seed, or you shall surely burn in torment forever in the deepest fire-pits of hell while Satan's laughter rings in your corrupt ears!"?

0

sometimes it has its place i would say

1

Sometimes nothing but the whole truth will do. But I agree that you don’t need to be a dick.

Well, yes, sometimes you do. Not everyone gets ‘it’, when you are nice.

0

Not always in my opinion sometimes it isn't worth your personal energy. I choose my brutal honesty for things that matter to me. I also think it only fair if you dish it out you have to be prepared to take it and shift your own position at times... any comments?

1

Depends on the social contract you have with the person you are being honest with. But I would probably say that if you think what you are saying is 'brutal' it is done to brutalize. In the marines, everybody is brutally honest or brutally mean. As a punk, there was a lot of brutal opinions and self truths thrown about, which makes for a weirdly open social unit. But it could be brutal, but almost always, hilarious, even when it was about yourself.

1

Truth and how to handle it (or not) is circumstance/individual based and I think you are quite right in your approach. One of the areas where religion places its devotees under stress is the relentless harping on truth. It creates a schism in the mind because no one is 100% honest -- ever, yet they are admonished to 'always' be truthful.

2

In my Opinion... I will lie, lie and lie... to preserve the integrity of the other person. If the receiver can handle the truth without judgement and understand information is more important... I will tell the truth.

For Example, It's not you, it's me... The Truth: Your 9 year old son is a brat, I want to strangle him and you don't know how to parent.

2

Honesty is about what we reveal about ourselves, intentionally, openly and un-defensively. It is NOT merely a spewing of our personal opinions about others. So I say brutal "honesty" is not honesty as much as an excuse to be harsh, or as some have said, to be a dick.

1

I don't think brutal honesty achieves much. I think it's a crutch because most people who use it have just gotten frustrated enough or no longer have the ability to articulate what they think without ignoring the other person's perspective. Not saying I'm no culprit just that in that moment my communication skills fail. People are not prone to accepting insults as constructive criticism.

2

It depends on the situation and the person you're dealing with. I have been told by many people especially my mother that I'm too honest with people and sometimes brutally honest. I am often said to be an asshole but at the same time anyone that knows me, when they want the truth about something I'm the one they come to.

4

There's a difference between honesty and rudeness.

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