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Dating a believer

I'm just curious about other's experiences in dating someone who is religious or a believer in God/ whatever. I've personally found it really difficult to date believers as any religion affiliation is a major turnoff to me. I would like to be open minded enough to have a serious relationship with someone despite different belief systems, but i find it so difficult to maintain respect for them sometimes and it gets old when they try to get me to believe what they do or don't understand how i can't believe in something. Do you only date other atheists or do any of you have successful relationships with believers?

Amethyst_lover 3 Dec 21
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15 comments

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I also find it a real turn-off when someone believes in God, or even if they have mystical new-agey thinking. I've had a range of reactions to this, from "why would that bother you? You're being close-minded" to "of course, I totally get it."

I've come to realize that a key part of relationships is sharing our experience of the world... and if a person experiences the world in a mystical way, we're not experiencing the same thing. It's not enough to say, "you do your thing; I'll do mine"; this isn't a matter of 2 people having different hobbies. I'm keenly aware that I interpret the world differently than most people, and this tends to create a little distance between me and others. I can accept that. But I don't have to accept that same distance in a life partner.

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I have had successful relationships with people who are spiritual but not religious, and who accept me as I am as well. My current relationship falls in this category. It's not something we discuss very much, and it's just not a big part of our lives. That seems to work just fine.

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I can understand and sympathize with this. However, I am a believer, but never once have I expected someone I was dating to believe what I believe. Every person is their own beliefs, and I would never, ever, force mine on someone else. My religion (Which is mroe a spritual belief than religion) is mine, and I only talk about it to either educate on what it is, or if someone has a question about it.

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For most religious people, I find that it's a Pascal's wager scenario. They want to believe more than actually believing. If they are trying to change you, it's not because of their religion. If you remove the religious elements, they would still want to change you in some other shape or form.

It's about respect. If you respect them enough not to try and change them, and they respect you enough not to try and change you, then your relationship should be fine. You will likely at some point have to engage in religious ceremonies, just go with it sometimes, rather than trying to avoid it all together.

You also have to compromise aswell, and so will they. If your relationship has a healthy balance of respect and compromise, then it's a healthy relationship. If it doesn't, then it's not, and you shouldn't be in it.

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I used to be married a catholic woman. She turned out to be rather devout... We'll, except for the “Thou shalt not commit adultery" commandment, she totally blew that one.

These days, I have far less patience for a potential partner in a relationship having an imaginary best friend as an adult.

Gener Level 5 Jan 3, 2018
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I have never dated due to my family being closet believers. I notice everytime I would bring someone over to my house and I would leave to the bathroom or whatever. My mom would talk to them and after we left to hang out they would say they liked my mom for no reason, and at the same time they would treat me differently from when we met. I never wanted to bring a girl over to have her treat me the same as everyone else. My family is x-tian haters and they encouraged my fake friends to be too.

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I'd be open to daring anyone right now because I am very inexperienced with dating in general!

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Ignorance is annoying.
People who "believe" in intense, scary, fear based love systems, that try to proselytize are, to me, mentally unstable.

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All the religious I’ve dated never try to convert me. We can talk about it but as long as they don’t get irrational I’m fine with it.

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I definitely understand where you are coming from.

My first girlfriend was a bit of a mystery. She represented an alternative to religion to me at the time, but she expressed that I should open up to supernatural ideas when it became clear I was breaking up with her. Learning experience, for sure.

My longest and, by far, best relationship was with a self-proclaimed agnostic.

My later experiences are most likely biased by these first impressions. For most people, I think it greatly depends on how loose their concept of "spirituality" is. For me, I seem to have little tolerance for it.

For example, the girl I had been seeing for a few months earlier this year was amazing in many ways. She was not religious nor did she grow up that way. One thing that did turn me off was her occasional reference to reincarnation. She seemed to be stuck on it (and not in a "wouldn't-that-be-cool" kind of way). She brought it up like she was convinced she had been reincarnated in very specific ways. :\

Maybe I'm a bit stubborn, but that really turned me off. I honestly don't believe in that, and it's hard for me to contribute to that conversation without laughing at the idea or just shutting down. I can tell when an idea means a lot to someone else.

Perhaps for people who weren't strongly turned off by religion, even if they didn't grow up in that environment, it's easier to let in a little fantasy here and there and hold that close because they don't see the danger in it or relate to the scarring effects of faith systems.

For me, it doesn't take much to remind me of bad philosophy and it definitely doesn't help open my relationship possibilities. A lot of people seem to hold on to one crazy thing or another.

I wish you luck in searching for someone you can relate to more closely! =)

forgo Level 4 Dec 24, 2017
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I was raised Catholic and married a Catholic girl. Faith had no bearing on why she left me. My second wife I married in a Lutheran church. I haven't been there in a year, and have no plans to go back.

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25 years ago I dated someone Catholic who studied for the priesthood. He wanted to go to a church with me and my daughter-so we went to a Universal Unitarian Church. I was raised Jewish and the congregation was mixed and liberal. We broke up after a year and I never went back.

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Well that's a hard one. I live among Mormons in a small town, and they have a religious obligation to 'activate' me. I find that it's best to simply refuse to discuss religion. Let them find the truth on their own because it's a harsh thing to destroy a person's faith.

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My longest most successful relationships were with other atheists. I've had wonderful experiences with the thoughtful theistic types that don't try to be preachy and judgemental though. And one very raunchy completely ill advised fling with a Jehovah's Witness that won't even acknowledge me now.

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It depends. If they are the type to be self-aware, that they realize that their perspective is not the only perspective, then they got a chance in my book.

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