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Do people actually find a soulmate or is that fake?

I've only dated 2 "boys" in my life. They didn't act like men. Are soulmates real, or is that fake? I gave up on relationships. I tried online dating, it failed. In the dating apps all these guys blew up my messenger on the app. "Hey, beautiful. Want to hook up?" That is a turn-off to me. I wanted a relationship. Not just sex. I won't get that now. When a parent ruins love for you, it sucks. Fathers should not touch their daughters like their wives. Or ask them for sex. No! I stand against abuse. So, I hope someone out there found their soulmate.

Sarahroo29 8 Dec 22

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2

"Soul mates" is a very touchy term here...but I have seen old couples holding hands and very much in love after several decades together.

On the other hand, my maternal grandparents were together till death and they "seemed" to make each other miserable, she an overpowering psychotic and he a very submissive though otherwise rational person.

Sometimes it "works", sometimes it doesn't. And, from my standpoint as a bachelor, who am I to decide...or even care...when it works?

9

It is deeply troubling how prevalent sexual abuse is, and I'm saddened that you had such horrific childhood experiences. My cousin was sexually abused throughout her childhood by her father (an uncle whom I adored before this came out). However, even though her experiences impacted her greatly, she found a partner (a soulmate if you will) and they've been married for over 30 years. hug

She's lucky then.

5

I can tell you that soulmates can be found. I found mine when I was 38. Unfortunately, we were both married to other people when we met. I had been married for 14 years at the time and she had been married for 10. Extremely long story short, my soulmate and I were married about two months ago and I have never been happier.

Cool.

5

I hear you on the sexual abuse. Me and my wife were abused.... we had to just move on and let it go... we understand it wasn't our fault... hell, I think 5 out of 6 kids are sexually abused... some don't even know it abuse untill they think back and remember something... then it clobbers them. We all got to work through it are it will consume you. As far as soul mates go... thats just a fantascy . I wouldn't base a happiness on words... just focus on the respect the person shows you and you'll know if they are the person for you. Respect and kindness and tenderness... that's what your looking for. Love is a combination of feelings and actions that agree with you. Forget the soulmate thing.

No one wants me so I am single. It's been 1 year and 8 months out of the abusive relationship. The last one.

@Sarahroo29 thats not true about a person not wanting you. You have to move around and be seen. You keep doing the same thing every day and you will most likely see the same people. Explore your options Sarah. The sky is your limit... don't give up. Find something else to do and meet people. Go hiking. Find some place where you can meet people and talk. Your a beautiful person and I beleive you can do it.

I'm not mobile. My eye sight is so bad, I'm not allowed to drive anymore. I go to the gym a lot. No one there talks to me. Sometimes the women in the locker room do. I've tried to talk to the men there. They don't talk well or care. So I workout alone. The last atheist group that I was in went hiking a lot. I miss it. No one wants to do that with me now. Either they don't have time or have no interests. I can't be around people much because I get inundated from seeing people at work all the time. I end up going home and hiding in my room. When I do get out, I go to Wal-Mart or the mall. Only for things I need. I tried online dating. That was horrible.

@Sarahroo29 Sarah! I will find an answer for you

@Sarahroo29 Congratulations... stay true to that Never abused again. But keep the faith in Love.

4

Soulmates are real to:

A- people that believe they exist.

B- and among those - people who think they have successfully found that soulmate.

Personally, I don't believe in the concept, as there are multiple people that each of us can connect with deeply. Some of course, much more than others.

Just a name we give to that perfect match among equals.

4

Can you define soulmate for me? I don't mean to sound uncaring, but different people have very different definitions of the word. I have several "soulmates". One of whom is my wife. We share lots of things together including sex. I have other soulmates that I would trust with my life, we spend time together, share interests and trust each other implicitly but we don't have sex - both male and female.
I guess that your family ruined your view of relationships and I too abhor sexual abuse. Sex is a beautiful thing between two consenting adults of equal stature who are making an informed choice. Gender is not an issue in this choice. Take a step back and take stock of what you want from a relationship. Dating sites are full of predators looking for a quickie. Take time to build friendships slowly, find places where you are likely to meet people with similar interests and don't go in with the expectation of finding someone to have a relationship with. We find our closest friends in the least expected places and if those friends turn into lovers great. And if they don't, that's ok too. Take your time and don't be pressured into sex is you are not ready. If they care they will respect your feelings, tell them you are not ready for sex, but also be honest if you think you are unlikely to get to that stage say so. You don't have to justify why not, but you will know when the time is right.
If you have an interest or hobby, join a club or society and get to know others with those interests.
I am lucky to have never suffered abuse, but have spent years working with the survivors and the hardest part is often recognising that it is not your fault. There is nothing you could have done at the time to change things - you had no power to make any change. I don't know where you are based, but there are a number of groups for survivors of abuse over here in the UK which can be helpful for some people to move on. I wish you luck in your search.

I've never had loving, passionate sex. Sex is just sex to me. It's all men want with me. A soulmate to me is a husband or wife to be with until death. I get stared at a lot at the gym or even at Wal-Mart. A man with with his girlfriend was checking me up and down. That isn't nice to his girlfriend. I just look ahead. Those guys are "boys." I want a man or a woman. Men only see my face on the dating apps. I used to post full body pics fully clothed and covered up and all the men kept asking for sex. I do workout at the gym a lot, for me. Not for men. I want to be healthy. I look 19, I know. Here on this site, in the messenger, only men message me. Idk why?

Men 20+ years older than me. No thanks.

4

I guess it depends on what you mean by that. I don't believe in a soul, and therefore no soulmate. Soulmate kind of implies destined to be with each other. I don't believe in destiny either. But if you mean, "everybody has someone out there to be with and be happy", then yeah I believe that. I have not found my "soulmate" yet. But through the sheer scope of combinations of people that there are out there I believe she exists.

is a match. Could be a Friendship Match or Romantic Match... I have a buddy of mine in high school we have different agendas and yet we found this common ground that we never had an argument of any kind. Haven't seen him in many decades. Died a Year Ago... It hurt me more than I thought just because among other things he was the only witness of things and adventures we did together including saving a junkie's life from an Overdose at when we were 18. Beavis and Butthead kind of thing. I have a few friends of the "Old Guard" Like That. There such a thing as a match or mate. I found a soulmate and we opted to find each other in another life... will it happen? will it be true? can we recognize each other again? there is such a thing of "love at first sight"... beyond serious attraction, some say those are souls that met before and recognize each other. May Be True, May Not Be. Soul or No Soul... I believe in the Soul that makes me Unique. I believe in Spirits that reach us and move us for a bit. They don't stick around for long and they still subject to our soul while in us. We all need a Witness to our lives... Better to be a Match to Who we are. Don't give up Hope... because they are out there wondering about Us.

4

Taken literally, probably not. But it's a fitting metaphor for a good fit.

skado Level 8 Dec 22, 2017
4

Had that for a time but it is possible to grow out of love. Not sure if I want to look for that kind of relationship again. I think it is possible to have a short-term sexual encounter but I think I need at lest some kind of emotional connection if I'm going to be that intimate with someone. When anyone's encountered the kind of betrayals you have it can be much harder to trust anyone with physical intimacy. Harder but not impossible. It's all about when you are ready. Your body, your rules.

4

I would characterize my marriage as being worthy of soulmate status. We started out as close friends and that has been the foundation for our relationship of 36 years. If you start as friends and always keep that friendship you can overcome anything life throws at you!

4

I don't know if there is a "soul" but I do know that men & women fit together physically like puzzle pieces. I think the trick is to find the exact right piece of the puzzle. I also think that if you give up on it then you'll never feel complete.

Remember life is a test, & a dangerous one at that. Be careful out there.

4

Unfortunately what you're describing with online dating is the fallout from society "swinging hard the other way". Sexual morals were so bottled up prior to the sexual revolution. I feel as if hookup culture misses the humanist aspect of respecting your fellow man. Morally I can't justify "just hooking up" because to me humanity evolved to have sex form social relationships. For it to be moral I would have to have consent and be willing to not become emotionally attached, something that is very hard for me. As far as finding a soulmate I believe that two people can be just that compatible. It is a rarity though and something you shouldn't have to have.

4

i believe its possible because i had that once, but life has away of tearing you apart.

4

not fake. some are lucky to have that. my parents have been married 64 years and they still look in love

3

I think finding a “soulmate” is like discovering the wonderment of one’s child(ren). “Soulmate” means “good fit.” Nature does a pretty good job of putting us in touch with people for a reason. Whether it’s a short- or long-term relationship we are all soulmates, just undervalued if we haven’t known each other for a long time.

Oh, okay.

3

Hello Sarahroo29, on soulmates, I have come to the conclusion that there are different kinds of soulmates. I consider my BFF my soulmate.
I had a wonderful husband for 17 years till he passed away. For me, my girl friends are wonderful. We all want our special sometime that's kind & loving to us.
I'm looking for my special person as well.
It does happen. I have experienced it.

That's cool..

I am sorry for your loss... hard to overcome. But you will know when you find it again because you seen it before... You both will feel it. Good Luck.

3

I would say that soul mates do exist, and if someone is lucky enough to find one then they are far more wealthy than any billionaire on the planet.

Most people settle. Some stay single. A very lucky few find a genuine life partner who brings them fulfillment in all ways.

"Hope is gone, and she confessed
When you lay your dreams to rest
You can get what's second best,
But it's hard to get enough."

  • David Wilcox, Eye Of The Hurricane
2

I've found soulmates within smaller spheres - like politics & art, but not the whole "relationship" ball of wax.

2

On the issue of finding, "the one".

2

I don't believe in a 'soul' as such. But there are people who seem to resonate deeply with our nature, though it may only be a time, before they move on. Which is as it should be, providing we are truly unconditional to each other. It is indeed a wonderful thing when we meet such people who travel on the same path with us, no matter how long or short that path might be.

Nice. I don't believe in souls either.

2

I have mixed feelings on this. I've found someone I've considered my soulmate who only ended up hurting me after 5 years of this feeling. So that makes me want to learn towards no, soulmates do not exist and like many say it's just who can you stand the easiest. However statistically with 8 billion people on the planet, the possibility of a soulmate situation probably exists. I've SEEN relationships that look like a soulmate pair, so maybe I just haven't rolled the die well enough yet.

Also, sorry about your experiences. I've just about given up too. So many open relationships and hook-ups, and maybe I'm just an older soul but I'm really not about that. Maybe someday all of us will find our soulmate, you never know. Stay strong.

Thank you.

2

I had a soulmate for more than 20 years, but cancer took her 10 years ago. I love to think I will find another, but I'm not very hopeful.

I'm sorry to hear that.

2

My sister found her soul mate after 55 years of being alive. Turns out he went to the same school, but they didn't talk much. Later on in life thanks to a school reunion, she messaged him thinking he was another person (her boyfriend and the person she was trying to get up with that the same first and last name, whose last name also happens to be her last name. No, they aren't related at all! Lol.) and they hit it off. They have been together 4 years now. For those wondering why she hasn't married him yet, it is because she doesn't feel the need to and the only reason she would, would be for all the legal stuff. But they are pretty independent when it comes to bills and stuff.

Wow. Cool.

2

I think anyone who uses the term soul mates is perhaps trying to over glorify their relationship. I do believe you can meet someone and have unique or special connection, which will be based on similar interests, similar sense of humor, similar worldview, similar aspirations etc etc. To say that two souls are mates that were made for each other by a deity or whatever, just kind of over inflates the reality of it...

I'm sorry to hear about your history of abuse. I can't even imagine what that's like and how it sticks with you. Are you going to a therapist? That seems like it would he a healthy and productive thing to do.

Have you tried bumble app? It seems to me to be an app for people who actually want to find a personal connection with another person. It's the complete opposite of Tinder or the like.

Stay strong, and never let anyone feel that you aren't worthy of love or commitment and never settle for less than you want in a relationship.

Gener Level 5 Dec 26, 2017

Yes, I'm in therapy. I don't believe in soulmates.

2

I think people can meet and be together for a long time, if they are lucky, that is. I don’t know about soulmate, though. I wouldn’t take that term as nothing more, but just a meaning of two people being very competitive.

Yeah.

2

I think we can make deep connections with others. Those could be called "soul mates." I think it's unlikely that there's one person out there who is just right for us. Knowing my luck, my soul mate lives in Tahiti, in 1778.

But there are people who call out the better of us... or who open us up. I would even say that people who frustrate us, but still call out the better, can be soulmates as well. And those relationships don't have to last a life time... they can come and go. All that matters is that a connection was made and it was effective.

Yep.

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