Plumber Finds Bags Full of Loot Inside Bathroom Wall of Joel Osteen’s Church

The New York Times reports that a plumber has found "bags and bags" of cash stashed in a bathroom wall, which has been linked to a 2014 theft from a safe at televangelist Joel Osteen’s megachurch. At the time of the theft, the church claimed the missing funds from the weekend services were valued at about $600,000, while pointing out “we’re fully insured,” and that “we are working with our insurance company to restore the stolen funds to the church.” Sadly, that plumber also reports the church has so far ignored his request for information about the $25,000 reward which was offered for the recovery of the money.

Gee whiz, $600,000 in loot just stashed away inside the church’s bathroom wall? And, to think I get totally ecstatic when I occasionally find a five-spot in the dryer. I guess we have yet another example of how “the Lord works in mysterious ways!” Reminds me of that old adage “The Good Lord giveth, and the Good Lord taketh and then hides it.” Talk about a "Christmas Miracle!” Why, it’s almost enough to make loyal Osteen followers choke while drinking down their grape Kool-Aid!

All I can say is, it’s a damn good thing all these televangelists have such stellar reputations for being really straight-up folks, otherwise, one might think all this might somehow be connected to "insurance fraud.” Not that someone stealing a boatload of cash, then not taking even one cent of it, and hiding it all away in the bathroom wall of the very place where they stole it, then leaving it untouched for years and years - why no, that doesn’t sound the least bit unusual or suspicious.

Gee, I wonder what else might be hidden in those sacred walls of good old Joel Osteen’s megachurch? Of course, Osteen and wife Victoria are quick to claim “they don’t know nuttin about how all that dough got inside their bathroom wall.” Meanwhile, ever the prosperity gospel pastor, Osteen’s been busy letting parishioners know that if they only pray a little harder and tithe a little more, they too might very well find a big wad of cash in their bathroom wall. Why, because that’s the way Jesus rolls, my friend.

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