This is as close to dating as I have gotten in a very long time. All of the Cis Lesbians I know believe sex at birth defines gender, with just about every social group I come across explicitly stating membership exclusively for Born Female. The hostility I found in most online dating communities caused me to delete all but this one account.
I had thought there would be the possibility of eventually finding a Trans Lesbian co-creative match, but setting aside with personality, values, and common creative interests and goals, I discovered that every profile I was matched with on OkCupid for instance had a racial preference that excluded me from serious consideration.
I have heard of Black Trans Lesbians, all over 40 years my junior, never anyone my generation and certainly no one that remotely shares my values, interests, or goals.
I have reached the point of exhaustion, where I would rather live in a foreign land where people naturally see me as Other, than to continually be viewed and treated as Other in the land of my birth by those I thought were my people, my tribe.
Yeah, I also have my doubts about traveling abroad being a total solution. People can be very polite and pleasant as they hold you apart, but that is also not acceptance. There are haters and holier-than-thou judgmental people in every culture. There is clearly still a ton of prejudice on the trans issue, but that changes with education, exposure, familiarity. There are allies who get it here as in France, England, etc. There are also self-rightious bashers in all these places.
I think most importantly for happiness relating to human connection is to first seek peace and happiness with ourselves, not dependent on any others. Then look to nurture friendships patiently by "being" the kind of friend we'd like to have. Then lastly, don't shut our eyes to the prospect of romantic love, but consider it frosting, rather than the core of our emotional wellbeing. That way we don't feel so desperate or anxious about finding it or losing it again.
Once upon a time I thought that birth gender mattered as well. I also thought I was a perfect Kinsey 6, mullets weren’t horrible, and men who held doors were sexiest. And then I grew up. Once your perspective shifts enough to recognize people for who they are and not “what “ they are (including the racial whats), you are open to a larger world, and it seems your perspective is there. I’m one who is also open to dating all kinds...but living where I do, I’m pretty limited. The point is: we are out there! If there is a you, there is someone like you.
Do not despair. "We" have come along way & you are not alone in your feelings. Many of us from the movement for equality with the power elite have felt this frustration. Do visit other friendly countries. Do seek connection in places you may not have thought about. Do check out our Minority Heathen Group. We are all a minority in some manner.
I can remember when Gays and Lesbians were at odds in the 80's - I hate that in this day and age there's yet another frontier that needs to be conquered where things are polarized.
People don't need to be "born female" to be female.
No one is the "genital police" - that should be between you and a partner.
People need to figure this stuff out and knock it off with their superiority.