The last two nights being way too naughty to be sung.

@rogerbenham
OCD godbobotherers?
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The final two verses are not often sung, generally considered too raunchy, and due to their rarity several different versions have circulated. Verse six sometimes keeps the same story line, in which two hands appear on the wife's breasts. The wife, giving the least likely explanation yet, tells him that it is merely a nightgown, though the man notices that this nightgown has fingers. In yet another version, the wife remarks that he's seen a hammer in her bed, and his response is that a hammer with a condom on is something he's never seen before. This latter version usually ends day seven with the singer's target of choice in bed, and the husband replies that he's never seen so-and-so with a hard on before. Another version involves a carrot, on which a foreskin had never been seen before.

Another version exists with a slight twist. The man sees a man coming out the door at a little after 3:00, this time the wife saying it was an English tax collector that the Queen sent. The narrator, now wise to what is going on, remarks: "Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more, but an Englishman who can last til three, I've never seen before." While this departs noticeably from the standard cycle, the twist is slightly more clever, and takes a jab at the English (a popular ploy in some Irish songs). As this sort of wraps up the story, it is usually sung as the last verse, be it the sixth or seventh.

Probably the most common version of the seventh verse involves the man seeing a "thing" in her "thing", or in "the bed", where his "thing" should be. Again his wife is ready with an answer. It is a rolling pin. The narrator then remarks, "A rolling pin made out of skin, I never saw before." Another version reuses the tin whistle excuse, upon which the narrator remarks "...hair on a tin whistle sure I never saw before." Other versions claim the "thing" involved is a candle (in which case she doesn't recycle an excuse from an earlier night). The narrator this time remarks that he had never before seen a pair of balls on a candle.

Of course, the song leaves much unexplained, such as what happens when the man sobers up, and can tell what the items actually are, or if they're gone, notice their disappearance (particularly in verse five). On the other hand, if the man never sobers up, he never notices. Similarly, it takes quite a drunkard to notice a man's "thing", but not the man himself.

American blues singer Sonny Boy Williamson II recorded a song very similar to this in his original 40 track session at Chess Records. His song was called "Wake up Baby".

There are also vernacular versions of the song among Irish-Americans, with at least one version referred to as "Uncle Mike."

In that version, the wife's reply to the drunkard (Uncle Mike) is: Oh you darn fool, you damn fool, you son-of-a-bitch said she, It only is a milk cow my mother sent to me.

The drunkard's reply to his wife is more similar to the "official" version recorded by The Dubliners and other Irish folk singing groups: Well, there's many times I've traveled, a hundred miles or more, But a saddle on a sow, sure; I've never see before.

Variations such as "Uncle Mike" are common in oral, local cultures. Note how in America the pig became a milk cow, and the distance traveled by the drunkard expands considerably. "Four Nights Drunk" and "Five Nights Drunk" are just two of the many versions of this song (Cray 1999).

Read more about this topic: Seven Drunken Nights, The Dubliners

Source(s):
Wikipedia 6-7 (Creative Commons)
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@FrayedBear 7th verse of a cock in his wife's mouth is way too raunchy I guess.