A belated but nonetheless heartwarming and cautionary Christmas story.
Firstly let me apologize for the unseasonal recounting of this anecdote but it has only recently come to my ears. It concerns a friend of a friend, who for reasons that will become obvious will remain nameless. (J)
J had done a fair amount of Xmas shopping and had stopped in at the Albert pub to catch up on who might be there / replenish his batteries. After 2 pints and feeling a little drowsy. He thought it might be a good idea to partake in a small pick-me-up. Consequently, J approached a local dealer and purchased 1/2g of coke. It was not normally his style but the holidays were upon us and so he indulged himself. A quick snort in the gents, then carefully off back home in his motor car, J drove.
No sooner than the journey had started however when a flashing blue light appeared in the rearview mirror. Js heart sank as the policeman asked him to blow into the bag. Luckily enough, the 2 pints were not sufficient to plunge him into the realms of criminality on a DUI charge and J's heart lightened somewhat.
Then came the bombshell from the copper. "Because you have got some alcohol in your system. We are obliged to give a mandatory drug test." A swab was taken from Js mouth and he sat there expecting the worst. Can you imagine his relief and joy upon hearing the words "Negative, all clear" Nothing was in his system, zilch, nada, not one scintilla of illegal substances had shown itself.
J gratefully accepted the printout from the policeman, got back into his car and returned swiftly to the Albert. Whereupon he confronted the charlatan with the aforementioned printout and got his £20 back