Letting Go of Toxic People is a Step Towards Happiness
I am in the process of doing this. Very hard when the toxicity is in the form of your own children.
You are not alone. My adult stepdaughter is incredibly and casually cruel, and my poor wife, for her own mental health, is having to "let go" of a perfectly reasonable dream that any loving parent has -- a healthy and pleasant and respectful relationship with their own child. It's devastating.
My daughter and I were semi-estranged for several years also over similar but less strident issues.
Parents often feel alone or defective around these kinds of issues but the fact is, children (especially adult children) have their own responsibility and agency, and can use it for good or ill. Also, sometimes we have children whose personality is NOTHING like ours, and we're forever ships passing in the night. And sometimes our children develop personality disorders or outright mental illness.
That's easy to say, but what happens when it's the mother of a girl you love very much.
Hmmmm.... well if you had to.... i would change that as soon as possible before you loose that girl. Thats her mom...your taking a chance that shes going to understand you....