Yesterday I raised a few eyebrows in my Writing Workshop Class. Everyone was asked what was motivating them when they write. Naturally I'm always the youngest person in these classes since I'd don't really care about taking "real" classes as I have found little to no value in them for me. Most of the people who take these classes are either retired or are close to retirement. Anyways, I told them what my greatest motivator was.
"I have every reason to think that this is the only life that I will have, so I no longer see any use in wallowing in my own self-pity. I can find no good reason to do that because I have every reason to avoid it--this is no rehearsal. I have every reason to make my life here as best as possible. I want to make the biggest impact that I can while I'm still alive. Even if I don't succeed in my endeavors-- at least I can say that I tried--that I fought ferociously to achieve it. That's good enough for me. Time goes by quickly and life is short. When it comes to my writing, there is a sense of urgency. I'm a slow writer, but also a perfectionist. Every word is a new brush stroke that will eventually join together with every other brush stroke into a masterpiece. I'm not getting any younger and I have wasted plenty of time already."
After I said that the instructor asked me my age (he tends to forget). I told him I was 20.
"You're already thinking about death at 20 and what you want to achieve in your life?" He said.
"Yes. It is inevitable and I'm am quite surprised how quickly the past five years of my live have gone."
"Wow. Twenty and you're thinking about that kind of stuff? Are you very philosophical?"
"Yes always have been." I responded.
"At twenty, I was messing around with friends and getting drunk." He said honestly.
Many people notice this quality in me, I speak beyond my years, they say. Anyone else get that often?
*Side note: everyone in this class expressed that they were christians which begs to question why they seemed to agree with much of what I said. Wait a second, don't y'all believe in a afterlife? Sometimes I get the impression that they don't even believe their own stuff. But I'm not a confrontational kind of person anymore and hardly ever say my stance on religion in the public sphere, especially to people I hardly know. It can be frustrating at times especially since much of the writing that I do is about journey to adulthood and my childhood and religion and the realization that I was no longer religious comes up quite frequently. Because of this I find myself weeding out much of my writing when I decide to share parts with people due to the fear of backlash (especially while living in a fairly religious community).