Agnostic.com

10 2

I have a friend, female, pretty, very kind hearted, not overweight, but every time she starts seeing a guy after a few dates they just ghost her. I asked a mutual guy friend why he thought this was happening to her, (I already kind of had an idea but wanted to get his perspective cause him & her are in this "group of friends" that I'm not a part of) anyway, he straight out said "her body odor".
She's 32 & very depressed about her love situation right now.
How do you tell her this? She's kind of hippyish & probably uses some kind of safe deodorant (I have seen her put it on) but I think she needs like an industrial strength or something.
But how do you tell this sad, good hearted woman that guys won't go out with her because she smells bad?

RjRhodes 3 July 1
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

10 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

1

She may know already, there are conditions that can cause worse than normal body odour; I have a friend who has it. Sometimes they have expensive botox injections that offer some relief. All the best with it, I hope she appreciates your being candid, after the initial shock. Be prepared that she may be upset and initially react in a way that's not considered.

1

If you're a good friend and you can tell her kindly, then absolutely.

2

I found this article...tell her! [kiddy.org.uk]

Thank you ?

@RjRhodes I was telling a friend about your dilemma and we both think you are such a good friend to be concerned and wanting to help. It brought us to talk about a bunch of small things about each other as well. She hates that I carry a purse big enough to fit a small elephant and I hate that she wears unflattering lipstick. We laughed and had a few drinks so it was all good. You are a good person.

@thinktwice I have an agreement with my friends that if I ever start sounding like a Daily Mail reader, they can shoot me.

@Gareth You, too, then are a good friend to have people who would give you a good knock on the head when you become an ass or anything! ha ha ha We all need friends like that!

4

Tackling it head-on is the kindest thing you can do. If the roles were reversed, what would you want to happen?

0

There is no polite way to say it. Do you care more about what she will think afterwards or helping her? Unfortunately, usually the person with bad body odor is the last one to know. One more comment, I doubt an industrial deodorant is the answer. Maybe something as simple as a daily 5 min shower?

It's not that she doesn't shower. She has a sweating problem. But I do know she is a clean person. But thank you

@RjRhodes ok, of course you know her and we don't. No ill intentions anyway.

1

First - you might need to determine the source ...

4

I agree you should say something if you are good friends. A way to try avoid the words “you smell bad” or “you have body odor” might be to say I feel like as a friend I need to tell you, “your deodorant doesn’t work.”

Thank you! She is aware of the fact that she oversweats, & I know she uses deodorant. I just don't think she realizes just how bad it smells when she sweats. I think suggesting a different deodorant is a great idea!!!! ? thank you so much!

I think this is a fabulous sentence! Telling her the truth without being harsh.

11

As her friend, it might be a bit embarrassing, but believe me, you guys will laugh about it later. You have to tell her. I am grateful to a friend of mine who told me a similar thing about my breath. Turned out I had some sort of bacterial thing that was easily fixed, but I had no idea my breath was that bad. Tell her you will be her volunteer odor detector and make it a little fun secret between you both. Sniff her up like a dog before she goes out...lol...

You're a riot!

2

Has she asked anyone of your circle about the ghosting? That would be the perfect opening.

Yes, but nobody wants to tell her & hurt her feelings.

@RjRhodes Its a tough situation. I have a brutally honest friend who gives me the truth. Yes, it stings a bit, but I value her advice and in 20+ years, she hadn’t been wrong. I’d rather be hurt, and have honesty. But, that’s me.

2

Just like that. "Personal hygiene" was my polite phrase when I had to have that kind of conversation with subordinates. And it came up more than once in my career... both boys and girls.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:120357
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.