I just found out my ex husband is moving 2 blocks away from me. He already shows up at my house unwanted and uninvited. I only imagine it getting 10 times worse now. I wish I could afford to move!
1
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Boundaries. Clearly state "I don't want you coming over at random times for random purposes. This is my household, not yours. Here are the ground rules. If you really want to see your daughter call her and make sure she's here and wants to make time for you" -- etc.
(By the way if your daughter is a teen that's probably fine but if she's younger or immature for her age then he should have to go through you).
You have the right to set and enforce boundaries. You don't owe him faux civility or whatever other manipulative thing he's trying to extract from you. You can be firm and guilt-free and yet kind.
mordant
Level 8
July 3, 2018
1
@Lookin4love Yeah that's a tough row to hoe. My daughter's ex had his own version of this behavior and my daughter quickly found there's almost nothing he can do in his son's eyes to fall of his pedestal, but almost anything she does will make her seem adversarial. Eventually she learned to remain neutral and keep her feelings to herself. The father, for his part, has actually done a respectable job of staying meaningfully present in his son's lives, to the point of overriding his asshat GF who totally hates the boys, and moving to stay close (but not right next door). On the other hand he wants to take the oldest boy on a road trip and my daughter said no ... and counter-suggested something more local (he's a horrible driver and this was hundreds of miles) and not involving his ex-con older brother as an influence.
So it goes ...
The other problem is new significant others that come into your ex's life, as I suggest above. I can tell some real horror stories courtesy of my wife and her ex on that one. For some reason a lot of women see their husband's ex as competition and as having little to no rights over the children that actually came out of their own bodies.
All I can say is hand tough, do the right thing, and generally things get better.
When I got legally separated I moved to a country in another continent. After divorce closer I ever lived was 730 miles away. You need to straight him out.
GipsyOfNewSpain
Level 9
July 2, 2018
0
Change your locks, get a security gate on your driveway, and buy a dog.
birdingnut
Level 8
July 2, 2018
0
I moved away, like 4 hours away from my ex-husband just to avoid something like this happening to me. Not that I think he would have had the nerve, he didn't even show up to divorce court, so... Anyway, I didn't want to take the chance. Of course this was many years ago, 2008, but it's worked. I haven't seed hide nor hair of him, nor heard anything about him since then. Best decision I ever made. Sometimes you do have to get people completely out of your life or the toxic crap just continues.
Georgy303
Level 6
July 2, 2018
3
@Lookin4love Yeah, I will admit that it was easier for me to get away because I did not have kids with him. I wish you the best of luck and lots of patience. Hugs.
If you were to ask him not to, could you not take out a restraining order were he to ignore your request? It does sound rather as though what he's doing might be viewed as harassment.
Jnei
Level 8
July 2, 2018
2
Jnei:
@Lookin4love oh, yes - I can see that's tricky.
Ask the local Police/Sheriff for advise,tell them your concerns.
@Lookin4love If he's showing up at your home unwanted and uninvited, why are you NOT fearing for your safety? That is totally the behavior of someone that can't let go and cannot take no for an answer - someone that is just building up the nerve for acts of violence.
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