What is your 'favorite' Bible story? Is there one that always stood out to you as especially dumb or interesting?
The bit where Jesus is specifically asked how to be good and says:
"Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me."
It's fun hearing christians explain how this doesn't really mean what it says. Especially the ones who believe you should take every thing else in the bible literally.
Cain and Abel. God created Adam and Eve and they begat Cain and Abel. Cain then slew Abel. Cain then took a wife........where the hell did she come from? I have asked countless ministers of religion and not one has been able to give me a satisfactory answer!
Job, the first section, which I believe was the only legitimate section. The whole message is that bad things can happen to good people through no fault of their own. Just because one is less fortunate, doesn't mean they did anything wrong in the eyes of God. Of course God doesn't look that great in this story, but who cares. The human message is what matters. Conversely, it also means that doing right by the Lord doesn't guarantee success either. Pretty good message for such an old story.
Talking snakes are fucking cool. And when the god character zapped that chick into salt, that was hella unsuspected! I thought the dude dragging the big wooden tee through town was a great demoralizer and really jerked the tears from the audience. But the best part of the whole thing was the opening scene. A total fantasy that engulfs you into a web of non-thought to get you ready for the nonsense to come later in the film. Pfft, plants before a light source. I give it 1.5 stars out of 10 only because talking snakes would be fuckin sweeeeeeeeeet!
The story of Sodom and Gamorrah... once very important content that gets overlooked. Lot would rather the men of Sodom "know" hours two virgin daughters than harm the two angels who came to his house. He offered his daughters to be raped.
Genesis 19: 4-8. 4. But before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, both young and old, all the people to the last man, surrounded the house; 5 and they called to Lot, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us, so that we may know them.” 6 Lot went out of the door to the men, shut the door after him, 7 and said, “I beg you, my brothers, do not act so wickedly. 8 Look, I have two daughters who have not known a man; let me bring them out to you, and do to them as you please; only do nothing to these men, for they have come under the shelter of my roof.”
I loved the story of fishes and loaves...when I was a kid, I was exposed to famine in Ethiopia and wished I could help all of the starving people by doing what Jesus did in this story. I think when I realized it was a fake story, I quit believing in the bible all together.
Judges 15:4-5 New American Standard Bible (NASB)
4 Samson went and caught three hundred foxes, and took torches, and turned the foxes tail to tail and put one torch in the middle between two tails. 5 When he had set fire to the torches, he released the foxes into the standing grain of the Philistines, thus burning up both the shocks and the standing grain, along with the vineyards and groves.
I think it would be impossible to catch 300 foxes.
It would be impossible to tie their tales in pairs with a flaming torch.
The foxes are vicious biters and fighters and this is absolutely unbelievable.
Deuteronomy is a lot of fun. Especially the part about stoning women in front of their father’s house if they had sex before marriage. I never met anyone who heard this lesson in church. Funny how the most ridiculous parts are always left out of Sunday school.