And remember you are their sounding board to social interactions and stressful situations some will undoubtedly spiral into uncomfortable realms others will help them become the adult they grow up into

Wine or bourbon they are still there finding there level in life but you no longer get stressed as much as much being the key take away here

So sorry you're going through that. It is the worst. Treat yourself to lots of chocolate. Let them have as much independence as you can.

Try not to keep any stout ropes around to tempt yourself with.

My daughter turned into some kind of mutant at age 12 and didn't really resurface until she was about 35. You'll probably be luckier than that. Probably.

My son ... well actually he wasn't a problematic teen and really a terrific son. So there's that. But he only made it to age 30.

My wife had a similar dichotomy with her kids. Daughter is now 24 and still an extreme asshat. The son (26) has been really close to both of us, he's a delight. In fact he's living with us right now while he decompresses from getting his undergrad degree.

Best I can offer is, keep your expectations minimal (read: in the toilet) and understand that there are no guarantees. Remember that the older children get, the more responsibility they bear for their own decisions and priorities. You can walk on water and they can still screw themselves up. So don't be too hard on yourself.

Pick your battles! They will adopt the opposite to whatever you want/believe, so ignore the filthy room, work on not-smoking, get & keep you'd priorities straight.

Dungeon , chains , manacles , locks and a large pile of envelopes to be filled with junk mail ( make money from junk mail companies) until she's 35 that should sort it out

Enjoy the ride. My daughter wasn't much for drama with me, but it was a different story. When she wanted something from me even if it were only permission to go somewhere with friends, she approached with a prepared argument, supporting evidence, and logical explanations. She usually got her way.

She was completely the opposite with her mother. They would end up in shouting matches, insults, and guilt trips. She always got her way. See a theme?

Your kid by the time s/he is 13 knows how best to manipulate you. The best you can do is condition them by responding positively to civility and respect, and never acquiesce to negative behavior. Be consistent, be fair, and don't be embarrassed to tell them you love them. More importantly show them that they're loved.

Looking for attention. Get out the board games sit them down and play some boggle, scrabble monopoly etc.