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I found out that my brother is an avid Trump supporter after he emailed me to brag about it.

I decided to never contact him again and mentioned it to my sister next time she emailed. She went off on a religious "forgive and forget" lecture, ending by declaring that she also is an avid Trump supporter.

I told her that we were through, then. She emailed me back to blast false accusations at me, which I refuted and again said I'd not contact her. I then defriended her on Facebook.

But what surprised me was that afterward I realized that;

  1. I no longer believed all those religious "forgive and forget platitudes" and judgments. All lies.

  2. I felt profound, almost giddy relief.

  3. I realized that both my brother and sister had been treacherous, hateful elements in my life..ready to condemn and accuse whenever I went through something rough in my life. The thought of NEVER having to see them again made me feel ecstatic.

  4. I then realized that a good part of my dread of returning to the US was due to my fear of having to meet up with these siblings at family reunions, having to smile and pretending to like them.

birdingnut 8 July 14
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13 comments

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2

Same here. Brother's a complete trumplodyte. Unfriended him, too. He later complained about lost visibility, so I explained that I was tired of seeing all his racist, baseless, offensive memes and that unfriending was one way to dissociate myself from all that vitriol. Then it became all about his right to free speech and I had to point out that my actions in no way infringed on that.

Similar to your realizations: forgive & forget applies to those dealing with the zealots, not the zealots themselves. The zealots are free to engage in treachery because they are enshrouded in the holy mantle of forgiveness, whereas non-believers are sometimes limited to directing their eyes toward the 7th chakra and uttering the liberating incantation, "Whatever." Ebenezer Scrooge was lucky. He was only visited by 3 major assholes on 1 night, while many of us have them constantly launched at us, as if from a tennis ball cannon. But just because we're surrounded by assholes, doesn't mean we need to take shit.

Namaste

2

I just want to give you a big HUG!! Yes sometimes, sadly, family can be toxic. I have the same situation with my identical twin. I live on the west coast - LOVE IT. She has stayed on the east coast where we were born. c'est la vie

Course ya might want to rethink coming back to the U.S. until after trump or the gop are out of power. Just sayin'

I would never leave Songkhla, Thailand, given my druthers, but I have cancer and can no longer work, so don't have a work visa anymore. If I had a way to stay I would. This place is paradise...on wheels!

0

They're your family, & as such, sharing their opinions with you is just sharing. By cutting them off, they have been polarised against you, & you can no longer help them understand why Trump is bad. This is why politics &-religion are such very tricky topics.

0

Though I, respectfully, disagree with your decision, I certainly admire you for your courage and honesty.
I do believe that if a friend or relative is toxic we can and should send them to hell. The part I don't agree with is to cut all communication just (only) because they are Trump supporters.
In my case, I have cut all ties with some members of my family and some friends because they are worst than Trump, but not because they voted for him or speak well of him.

(sigh) Like I said these religious wing nuts have done terrible things to me. I should have cut them off years ago, but was too religious (STUPID)-trying to "forgive and forget."

@birdingnut In my opinion, being a good person is not the same as being "stupid", and there is nothing wrong in "forgiving and forgetting". Wrong would be to stay near them and tolerate their behavior. In my case, which is similar to yours, I did forgive, and I did forget. In fact. I don't even think about them anymore. But I understand if you don't agree with me.

3

Take care of you. Obviously, nobody else will. Good for you. Enjoy your life. Life is too long to fill it with morons.

Too "long"? Let me quote the bible (my apologies!): "because he will pass away like a flower of the field...."

@COGITOERGOSUM And to that flower, life is long. Do not ever compare yourself to another, be it a person or a flower.

2

I think forgiving to heal is such patent bullshit. Good for you.

Qualia Level 8 July 14, 2018
1

I don't want be chum in the water for trolls, but I'm highly psychic. In fact, in Haiti, my mom used use ESP wake us up in the morning and my siblings and I communicated in ESP as much as by words, confusing people who observed us.

A week ago when I let my brother know by email that I no longer believed in god, a day later, I felt his shock and sorrow. Almost a bewilderment, like a lost child.

This surprised me, until I remembered that in our home growing up I was the stand-in for my mom, who was too busy running a radio station to pay much attention us. My siblings typically told me their problems and looked to me for comfort and support.

Then today, after I told my sister I was done with her, I was fine for about four hours. Then I was hit with her feelings of overwhelming sorrow and regret..sadness, horror, and shock..and realized she'd finally read the email. I am still riding it out, but it's reducing now.

I suppose she's getting used to the idea that she'll never see me again. In my case, that's GOOD..no more of her criticizing me and hanging up the phone rudely on me every time I call, but maybe she enjoyed the power she imagined she had over me with her cold disapproval of almost everything I did.

I know about that sort of connection. It is what I miss with my sister but not enough to put up with the critizism and other BS. I find I have it with people I am close to, tho some find it disconcerting. Just normal to me.

2

Good for you. It's about time you stood up to your siblings that don't agree with your thinking. I disowned my relatives that didn't show any interest in my life so why should I care about theirs. I'd rather pick and chose my friends then to be stuck with unloving relatives. You'll be better off.

jsbach Level 5 July 14, 2018
0

If I was you, I would still be friends with them and bombard them with "stuff" that Donald has done or is doing. I would forever be asking them what they thought or how they felt about ie, Donald eating in a Trump restaurant, in a Trump hotel and they had to pay for it, or what they though that Donald has now put into law that it is ok to kill hibernating bears, etc, etc. I would be the devils advocate.

I tried but all I got was the usual "fake news" over anything they didn't agree with, and this Fox News pile of falsified "facts." But if they think it's OK to keep children in cages and strip LGBTQ people of their rights, cut medicaid, etc., I want NOTHING to do with them anyway.

This is strange since both are highly educated with very high IQs. My brother is a nuclear physicist and my sister was a head nurse, raised by a liberal mom, although my dad was a religious person, despite being a radio engineer and pianist.

My brother even recently married a religious nut who thinks the world is FLAT. Unbelievable. They deserve Trump.

@birdingnut That is beyond sad. I have come across people that are supposed to be smart too but are incredibly dumb, closed off to any common sense. I would still be friends with them but live by example and every time something in their lives happened that relates to what Donald is doing or has done I would push that point across in a way that they cannot ignore. I know it is difficult and frustrating but don't give up. You can always use the "fake news" against them, that is easy.

@Jolanta NOPE. We're done. I am relieved I don't have to ever see them again. You have no idea some of the stuff they've done to me.I now need to find out if their kids support Trump. If they do, I'm defriending the LOT of them. My family is so scattered across the US..from Bethel, AK, to NJ, that I couldn't possibly visit them anyway. It would be if there were some big family event, and now I have an excuse to skip it if either of those people attend.

@birdingnut Yes sometimes one has to cut people loose, even if they are your relatives.

2

There is an old saying.....”we can choose our friends but are stuck with our relatives “. Just be true to your own beliefs and enjoy the friendship of like minded people!

1

Sometimes your heart and your emotions know your actions better than your mind, I can totally understand that.

Denker Level 7 July 14, 2018
2

Funny (not) how people always try to blame the other person instead of defend their stance when they know they are wrong.
I am so happy that you are flying free of their attacks and love your post! I can totally relate to #3 and am anxiously waiting to move out of this house. My very controlling older brother lives here and is constantly telling me what I need to change about myself. I have about a month before I can move and it feels like an anchor weighing me down to still be here. I look forward to being free too and am so glad you are! WTG!

2

Wow, what a story! Love the surprise ending!

Carin Level 8 July 14, 2018
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