I am happy that I loved him so much that I hurt this much without him.

We are pretty sure it was suicide because he was depressed and no one will tell us how he died

@LadyAlyxandrea Oh no! Poor guy. I feel for him and you. xx

I am still very traumatized by the loss of my papa, to the point I never really had a chance to mourn my other grandfather (they died within 4 months of eachother). Nearly 3 years later I'm still finding it impossible to think about them without feeling like my chest is being crushed.

And now my uncle has joined that pain. It hurts like a heart attack. It does. It feels like my heart is physically breaking at this loss. I've lost too many loved ones in the last 2 years 4 months. And this was one none of us expected.

No one has told us how he died or when exactly. We fear it was suicide. He's struggled with depression a long time, and the V.A. was terrible and unhelpful as always. He lived in the woods far from anyone else, so no one would know for a while and we begged him to move closer to his family but he found the woods calming, as I do.

It has been so painful knowing he was struggling and not being able to do anything to help. But he loved us so much and he knew he meant the world to us as well.

@LadyAlyxandrea

The thought of a loved one suffering is truly unbearable. I understand. it's worse than your own pain. The best comfort to find is in knowing you cared for them the best you could while they were here. And also that whatever pain they felt at one time, is now gone.

Something I read long ago has stuck with me and I find it very helpful.

"You can't chase away darkness, you can only add light."

This makes me think about being in a dark room hoping for the darkness to go away, but then lighting a candle. It's really just a metaphor for bringing focus to the positive, or things that add joy, not just thoughts of the misery. For you now, that could be fond memories of the good times, not the struggle. Also to find time to be without the pain - with friends, or with a good book that helps you vacate these painful thoughts.

You need time to heal and time to learn to live with this additional loss. There's always a place to find support. Have you thought of joining a support group to deal with loss? There's usually one in every community.

@Athena they seem to always be religious and the last thing I need is "god decided it was their time, god will heal, blah blah blah". If God is so great why don't I have my uncle?

@LadyAlyxandrea
Ugh.. I hadn't considered the religious part.

I know there are great books out to deal with death and the loss of loved ones. A friend was telling me about one she'd read when she lost her father a few years ago. Of course you'd have to google "non religious books to manage death and dying."

I think the main thing is that a resource can help you channel some of this pain and hurt. It just is right now - painful. You're looking for strategies to help manage is, like a soother for your heart pain.

How about a post here? One asking anyone who has grieved deeply after a loss, if they have any books to recommend, or ideas for group support?

I just recently heard of "Sunday Assembly" which is a secular community group (instead of church). There could be some good support there.

I appreciate the condolences but time does not ease the pain. I've known that long enough. However you learn to live with it