It’s been over 10 years. Over 10 years of growing cynicism in regards to having a relationship. Over ten years of proving to myself, my children, and others that you can actually live independently and be happy. Over ten years I felt I successfully have proven that. Was I happy? Sure, complacently.

But when I find out my children have worried about me being alone/lonely for over 10 years, it prompted me to rethink. Over ten years of trying to ensure finances, home life, and work life are balanced in an effort to focus on my children, I neglected to focus on myself. Oh the occasional, “treat yo’self” came through with small luxuries not associated with pursuing a relationship. Because pursuing or showing an interest in a relationship required a challenge for me, a challenge that meh, wasn’t worth all the “BS” I’ve seen or experienced. Perhaps that comes from a point of significant mistrust in my psyche. But when I found out my children have worried about me being alone, basically isolating myself to promote my own comfort bubble, I couldn’t have that. It changed my thought pattern immediately. I cannot have my children worried about me. That’s not successful parenting in my eyes. And as a behaviorist, I took this as a prompt to change my behavior. So I began a new thought pattern of how to move out of my comfort bubble.

In the past, I have meddled in online dating, unsuccessfully, as the sites I used were specifically geared to dating. The experiences were enough to be turned away from that as an option. However, being an introvert and avoiding socializing in general, I found it difficult to be comfortable in a “bar”, or in social dating clubs. I found a community website by accident on my facebook feed one day in December 2017. This was shortly after finding out that my children have been worried about me and my isolation. This community website had an option of presenting for dating. I thought, well, it’s a start. At least this community website was one in which the users had a commonality with me. I immediately felt at ease posting questions and commenting on other members’ posts as these members, far and wide across the world, have shared similar stories and questions. I felt comradery within this website. I had been presenting as available for dating, muddled through the scammers and goofballs initially, and then began having intelligent connections to folks all over the world. One random day in January 2018 on this site, I received a comment on a public post of which I commented, from a person in a neighboring county. This individual and I immediately “hit it off” and started a volley of messaging. This quickly grew into a meeting in person. That meeting grew into a few more meetings in person. Suffice it to say, thanks to this community website, I have met someone with which I am actively-continually, planning a future. Thanks Agnostic.com!

My cynicism in regards to dating has since become distant thoughts collecting dust. It’s the only dust I don’t mind gathering.

Hang in there dating individuals. May you experience this chance.